Is it possible to hate and love someone at the same time?

Question

Have you ever had this feeling before? I love my fiance for being the father of my baby and also for the great lover he is, but I also hate him for his past and the way he used to treat me (its a long story, but things have gotten better!)

I don't plan on leaving him, I just want to know if this is truly possible.

Thanks!

Answer 1

I dont know usually that love/hate feeling is really alot of negative feelings towards someone but the "love" part comes from attachment, thats why brothers and sisters and long time daters get that feeling alot, if you dont have the attachment that comes with certain realtionships and time then if that person pissed you off youd probably just say "screw him/her" and wouldnt bother with them anymore.

Anyways since you "hate" him because of his past not what he is doing now I'd say you'll be fine, just try to focus on what matters which is what happens now not the past.

Answer 2

You can love the person, and hate what they've done/do. You can dislike a person (or not feel attracted to them) but love what they do/have done. But in my opinion, if the things you hate outweigh the things you love, there's a problem. You can also be infatuated with a person, even though they treat you poorly or have qualities you don't like.

For instance, we know no one's perfect - let's say the mister is great, but he slips up big time. Let's say, he "forgot" to pay the mortgage and remembers when you get the foreclosure notice. You can fix the issue, and what he did may still irk you, but you can't help but love the guy cause he's a cuddler, loves fine wines, knows exactly what you need, is a great father, etc. Or let's say he lied to you once. Or he hurt you somehow, (but in a way you can move on.)

In this case, you love the guy, but you hate the flaws and some of the things he's done.

However, if his flaws and the things he's done... become the person he IS because... it's not that he occasionally slips up, and does a mean thing - he IS mean, or his flaws and treatment of you are consistent and frequent - it's not that he's a nice guy with a flaw, he's NOT a nice guy. In which case, if you love a person who is mean, negative, neglectful, etc, you are probably infatuated. Why would someone love a person like that.

But you're question is not quite what your description says. You hate what he DID, and maybe even who he WAS and how he USED to treat you, and yet you say that things are better, and you love him, now. Which is kind of a healing thing.

To probably a lesser extent, I do know what it's like to still be with someone who really damaged your self esteem and treated you unfairly. It just takes time. Maybe therapy, to forgive, realize that they are a different person now and appreciate them for who they are now, and the things they do now. If he hasn't turned 180 degrees around and fixed what he did before, you will still be resentful and anticipating the old treatment, and it will be difficult for you to freely love him. But if he has, just expect that it will take time - I would say from my experience, almost an equal amount of time of things being right, as it was for things that were wrong... to begin to feel really happy and thankful with him, and thankful that you stuck it through.

Answer 3

Gurl YES!!! Most baby mama's have this feeling. Have u ever heard that Prince song? I loved my sons father sooo much, even though he hurt me in the past. I loved him so much that i hated him, I was jealous of him for having somebody like me in his corner who was faithful and loved him unconditionally and I didn't have that (in him). I hated him because i loved him so much and couldn't stop my feelings. Look at the lyrics to this song from Prince...

I Hate U
U have just accessed the Hate Experience
Do U wish 2 change your entry?
Very well, please enjoy your experience
I never thought that U would be the one
After all the things that we've been through
U gave your body 2 another in the name of fun
I hope U had some baby, if not, boo hoo

It's so sad but I hate U like a day without sunshine
It's so bad but I hate U cuz U're all that's ever on my mind
Honey, I hate U - Now everyday would be a waste of time
Cuz I hate U

I never thought that I could feel this way
2 fall in love was a table reserved 4 fools
Say U're sorry if U wanna but it's all in vain
I'm out the door sweet baby, that's right, we're through

It's so sad but I hate U like a day without sunshine
It's so bad but I hate U cuz U're all that's ever on my mind
Honey, I hate U - Now everyday would be a waste of time
Cuz I hate U

This court is now in session
Would the defendant please rise?
State your name 4 the court
Never mind (Billy Jack *****)
U're being charged with one 2 many counts of heartbreaking
In the 1st degree
I don't give a damn about the others
My main concern is U and me

Your honor, may I call 2 the stand my one and only witness?
A girl that know damn well she didn't have no damn business
I know what U did, how U did it and uh.. who U did it with
So U might as well plead guilty cuz U sure can't plead the 5th
Now raise your right hand
Do U swear 2 tell the whole truth
Not the half truth like U used 2 so help U God?
Nod your head one time if U hear me
If U don't, I'll have 2 use the rod
Anything 2 make U see that uh.. U're gonna miss me
Yeah, U're gonna miss me
Uh, uh, uh, oh!

If it please the court
I'd like 2 have the defendant place her hands behind her back
So I can tie her up tight and get into the act
The act of showing her how good it used 2 be
I want it 2 be so good she falls back in love with me

Close your eyes
I'm gonna cover your *** with this sheet
And I want U 2 pump your hips like U used 2
And, baby, U better stay on the beat
Did U do 2 your other man the same things that U did 2 me?
Right now I hate U so much I wanna make love until U see
That it's killin' me, baby, 2 be without U
Cuz all I ever wanted 2 do was 2 be with U ... ow!

I hate U (I hate U)
Because I love U (Because I love U)
But I can't love U (I can't love U)
Because I hate U (I hate U)

Because I love U
I love U, baby
I love U {x3}

I love U cuz U're all that's ever on my mind
I hate U because I love U

Answer 4

Leave the past in the past. If things are better now then there is no reason to hold a grudge for what he did back then. Its obvious that you forgave him because your still with him. And yes it is possible to feel that way. I had the same feelings towards my fiance years ago and were still together after 14 years.

Answer 5

I personally do not devote any energy to hating anyone. Life is too short, and I don't have enough energy to devote to anything besides love.
Thank him for the child. It may be the best thing he ever did for you. Do not put responsibility on the child to hold your failing relationship together. That's mean, and it's too much responsibility to place on a child.
Think of your child's needs first. If you canot even accept your partner's past, what kind of example is that to a child?
Why don't you put your child's interest before your own? Don't show them that it ok to put up with being treated badly. Be a better example.....leave him. It will teach your child to think independently and to put theirself first.
Quit making excuses to make a move and raise your standards. Quit making excuses for him. Leave him.
Kids live what they learn. MAybe your parents were unhappy together? The best gift you can give a child (and best example to model for them) is a happpy and fulfilling relationship with your partner. Quit teaching your child how to be unhappy.
Don't waste time with any guy you can't brag about to your friends .....it's better to be alone than to wish you were.

Answer 6

Yes. Did you not see the movie 'It's a Thin Line Between Love and Hate'.

No, but on a serious tip: In order for your relationship to truly work out for the best, you HAVE to forgive and let go. Of course it's easier said than done, but it is possible!

I'm not saying that you will totally forget, but you can learn to forgive. And, once you forgive, watch how your relationship will grow!

Also, think about this: There are, I'm sure, a lot of things that God has forgiven you for. And, when He forgives, He throws them (your sins, or whatever else) in the sea of forgetfulness.

It's not always easy to forgive, and sure as heck not easy to forget, but love conquers all...You love him, right?!

Answer 7

Each person is a dicotamy. The dark and the light. We love the light but we can hate the dark.....it's alright because in the end the light will win.
Now that does not sound like me. But I think I know what I mean.
I am in exactly that situation at the moment, I love like never before but hate at the same time.

Answer 8

Truth is its possible for you to feel many feelings at the same time, about the same thing.
When referring to a relationship you may love the person and hate their ways. When you say you hate him for the way he use to treat you......that things have gotten better. I have a question for you.
Do you think things will never go back to how they were?

Answer 9

Yep sure have....guess what I did...I realized I wasn't happy and left. And I am MUCH better for it. You should think about it....do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life on this seesaw of emotions. Love..Hate...Love...Hate. It's not healthy and it's not a good environment for your child. If anything you should think of your child and how your relationship with this joker is going to affect the rest of their lives.

If it's a boy....do you want the boy growing up like his father? (Obviously this guy is a real jerk?) Or if it's a girl do you want her making the same mistakes you did and picking a real ****** or growing up to hate men?

Think about it....it's not just you involved here. It's the future of your child also.

Answer 10

Yes, I feel the same way about my wife. I love her for her fun loving nature and well her bedroom skills. But as a mother and some choice decisions she has made lately its really made me question my judgement on her. Some now I am struggling as to which do I base judgement on. Decide now because later it only gets harder. Best of Luck.