how can i learn to relax and have fun?

Question

I am a very uptight person always worrying about something, i cant seem to relax or have fun and its causing serious problems in my marriage. I feel guilty if he tells me to go out so i dont but then when he does i get jelous, when he trys to get me to have a bit of fun or go out i often drive and about 1am get very tired and then want to go home, but if im not driving then i do have a good drink and relax. We have 2 kids and my hubby is a night owl whereas i am more a morning person. I cant even go to the shop without worrying about how long i am and always rush to get home. Then when he does go out i sometimes cause an argument as he can go out all night and doesnt come home till the nxt day, i trust him completely but he says i make him feel guilty going out so when he does go out he makes the most of it......i really dont know what to do, we love each other but it really is causing big problems, if the house is a mess i constantly worry about getting it tidy- what do i do??

Answer 1

Goes out all night and doesn't come home till the next day. Hey girl wake up your acting like the fool he is playing you for. Husbands don't go out for the night and come back the next day. They might come back late but next day. What do you think he is doing when he goes out that long? Again. He his playing you.

Answer 2

First of all Honey.....Take a breath....
U sound VERY uptight.
Now as far Ur husband goes....
This is only my opinion so U can either take it or leave it.
I dont feel that either one of U should stay out all night without each other. U are married with 2 kids. And wheither U know it or not those kids are seeing that daddy goes out all night without mommy and vise versa. Is that really a good example for them as to what a healthy marriage is about???
I think that U and Ur husband should spend more time together.
If he wants to go out and Ur not sure if U can stay up then U need to take a nap in the afternoon so that U will be able to keep up with him.
And he also should make some sort of arrangement to maybe go some places in the A.M. with U...
U said that U trust him completely yet U get jealous when he stays out all night, not contradicts itself.
He should be with U every night, either @ home or else where, but never all night without U.
As far as the house goes.....Just do what U can do....Stop worrying so much, it will all work out...

Answer 3

I think you might need professional help with this one. You are living life as you think it 'should' be lived but not how you would enjoy it. Why do you think that is? Is this something your mum did too?

I used to get angry at my partner for going out without me because my father never went anywhere without my mother. I thiought that was how relationship were if you really loved each other. But its not. I think the answer is in yor past somewhere but you might need help to find it. Good luck

I think you have to see that there are other ways of showing your love and care and concern for your partner and children without winding yourself up like this. Do kids prefer a happy mother or an immaculate home? Does a husband prefer a woman who is having some fun and laughing or one who is worrying about the dusting?

Answer 4

You can't expect for your husband to be happy if you're not. Those reasons you have for feeling guilty about certain things (ex:going out) are all yours. I don't know if going out was something you didn't really get to do growing up or was frowned upon...etc..whatever the case may be, that's a problem you have to work on yourself. Until you can work through some of your issues and be happy, you just can't expect for things to be....what's the word?....HAPPY between the TWO of you. Self-love is the key.

Answer 5

I Have read what u have written. I wont say that u r a very good person, but I will surely say that u r a good person. I will tell u one thing which no male will tell u. Males and females r different species. They think differently. they act differently. There is no male in this world who, if , even married, gets a chance, u understand, particularly if the female is beutiful, will never miss it. Sorry,the males r made that way. Its your duty to see that he doesn't drift away. Have u read KAMASUTRA ? then u will understand. Please dont fight with your hubby. U have to live your life. Learn to adjust. Afterall its for U And youfamily.

Answer 6

You need to sit down with him and have a real heart to heart with him. Your worries and fears must be addressed as well as his, neither one of you are going to be able to work anything out unless you bothe sit down and have a serious talk. Try finding a babysitter and going out together to have fun. Enjoy each other and being together and having a wonderful time.

Answer 7

A therapist might say you have some form of compulsive disorder. Whether you do or not, you have to address your issues, preferably with your husband and a professional. Or you could self-medicate with alcohol and drugs like the rest of the idiotic masses do.

Answer 8

If he is not a controlling abusive man, then perhaps some light meds would not be a bad idea. (LEGAL ones of course) I had a friend that worried alot like that and the doc put him on meds & viola. Problem was taken care of.

Answer 9

Wow this sound just like my family. I never go out but my husband loves to go out and hang with friends. We have two kids and no family in the area and no one to watch them. Its hard to stay saine. I know exactly that tension you are refering to. But my husband and I have been together 10 years and though sometimes he stays out all noight I trust him completly. Here are some tips you may never hear again. but trust me they work

1. Dont listen to any one tell you that you are wrong for letting your husban go out. This is something only you can decide.

2. You have to start doing something for yourself on a regular basis. No you dont have to try and go out because thats they way he relaxes you have to find your own way. I go to the gym 3 times a week. And my husban has to sacrifice three evening to watch the kids. I'm not hangin out with friends till all hours of the morning but Thats not what I want to do.

3.Being consistant with your husband will reduce a lot of tention. but you have to know what you want first. Do you want your husband to stay home every night. (This maybe too stressful for both of you) Do you want your husban to dedicate one quite evening a week to you or one complete day. you have to decide and then talk to him about it.

4. Compramise. He may not agree with what you want. Dont argue with him. be prepared to compramise. for example he says Me and the boys play cards on friday nights. you could say ok well how about you stay free on sundays and saturdays. Never argue this makes it worse. always try to work together.

5. Once you two come up with a plan stick with it for a while at least a few months. even if its his night to go out and you are feeling like you want attention let him go and dont complain. This will build a stronger case for yourself when it is your time with him and will avoid argument.

Conclusion, Sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. Talk with him and tell hime what you want to do to help you feel better and what you would like for him to do. Compramise if nessasary and stick to your plan. If you find it is not going well after a few month talk to him again. AVOID ARGUMENT AT ALL COST. Hope this help

Answer 10

If this is effecting your life, which you say it is, you need to speak with someone who has some professional experience with this! Anyone can tell you to “chill” but if you don't know how, it is tough! You aren't alone!