Guy problems?

Question

My boyfriend is my best friend. He's got anger problems. He's on vacation and he's called and emailed and stuff. Well today we were talking on MSN and I mentioned to him that my friend since kindergarten invited me over Friday for her birthday. I told her I'd go. He got upset and said that Friday was when he was comming back from vacation and said he wanted to spend time with me. He didn't want me to go to my friend's and said I could only go if I had sex with her. What the f*ck? I don't get it. Then he threatened to leave me and all of that stuff. I've put up with this for almost two years.

He gets mad whenever I have to do anything.

I don't want to break up with him because well, he's a part of my life and I'd miss him so much. Is he abusive? I'm so confused. Any advise?

Bah... he's threatening to kill himself if I leave. He's 17 by the way.

Answer 1

I'm usually a jerk with my answers today(not all days, but today, I've been really obnoxious) But I feel strongly about your position, and I really think that your boyfriend is abusive and both of you need counseling. Even though you are not married, this is hinderring your growth as an individual. You can't live your life with his anger outbursts and controlling behavior. Seriously think about getting out if he won't make a conscious effort to take anger management classes and counselling for controlling, emotionally abusive spouses.

Answer 2

Coming from someone who doesn't know this guy, I would say that he isn't worth it. If he's your best friend then he should trust that you will not do anything wrong or anything that would threaten the relationship. I used to be in a relationship where my boyfriend would hang out and go on vacations to Florida and Israel and stuff like that, but he would get really mad if I went over to a friend's house without him coming too. I thought that he was my best friend and that we would be together forever and that it was ok that I really had no life of my own, but looking back on it, I'm really glad that we're not together anymore. I was afraid to leave him because I was afraid of losing him and being alone, but, even though we don't really talk anymore, I'm not alone. I still have my friends and family and my new boyfriend. So, if I were you, I would end it, especially if you're not happy. Does he at least know that you're having problems with what he's saying and doing? If not, let him know and, if that doesn't help at all, then he's not going to change.

Answer 3

If you are a grown woman you do not need some one bossing you around like you are a child. Why is it that he can go on vacation and you have to sit at home, but when you have an opportunity to do something you can't just over to a female friends house. If it was I guy I would probably understand, but since it's a girl, I think he is just crazy. It sounds like he once you to be available for him when he wants you to be. Remember you are your own person. Go see your friend, if he has a problem with it show were the exit door is.

Answer 4

A guy that you've been with for two years is hard to leave but you can't go any farther in the relationship with a man who doesn't treat you with respect. Think long and hard. Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Will you still love him when it gets worse? Do you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life? He's not going to change. Don't waste anymore of your life with someone that doesn't give a d*mn about you or your feelings.

Answer 5

Would you miss him or just the thought of being with someone? When I got divorced that was something that I had to realize. After two years of a very horrible marriage I left, I took my three kids and started over. I am in a better place now. You need to discover what there is out without him and go from there.

Answer 6

Wait... he said he wanted you to be there for him when he gets home? Then says you can only go if you have sex with your friend? I would most def say he has problems.. Besides he is on vacation without you.. Yeah I would ditch him. He's not worth the trouble . Anger and lust go hand in hand. I think he is selfish and the relationship will only continue to get more controlling. good luck in what ever you decide

Answer 7

I think you need to evaluate your self worth. It's ok for him to go on vacation w/out you but you can't go to a birthday party? And then on top of that he suggested you have sex with your friend?? If this guy is really your best friend then you guys should take a break from each other. It will probably make your relationship alot stronger.

Answer 8

You do not have a boyfriend worth investing in. He sounds a bit immature. Perhaps you could offer taking him to the party. Or perhaps you can make plans with him for another day. His behavior is poor though and you should be clear to him that it is.

Don't know if he is really young...but he sounds immature. As for whether you would miss him if you broke up. You might. But you also might be better off.

Invest in a good relationship that respects you and your time.

Answer 9

He is controlling and verbally abusive. You didn't say how old you are, but I'd guess that you are between 13 and 15. If so, it's a little early for you to try to manage a relationship like this one. (There aren't a lot of relationship counselors for teens.) If one of you is a church-goer or temple-goer, you might ask your pastor or rabbi or youth group leader to talk with the two of you about how to work through these things.

Answer 10

Yes, this is emotional abuse. He is trying to control you and take your personal power. Check out the power and control wheel and see how many other behaviors he is exhibiting. Make your own decision, but take into account that this behavior is not going to change. I hope you spend time with your friend.