Opinion on these poem, my friend wrote.?

Question

The moon:

I don't know why,
why I love you more at night.
The darkness,
the strange,
evil night air,
makes your eyes seem more beautiful,
your smile brighter.
Probably,
I see your personality better,
in the dark.
A time, when the face doesn't matter.
A time,
when the street lights aren't even on any more.
The time,
when the size of a womens bust doesn't argue about their true intentions.
But,
it must be,
that your eyes remind me of the moon.
The only friend that I had when I was a kid.
The only thing that I thought would never leave me.
But,
I think I found something,
that's more beautiful than the moon.
I love you,
but you seem as distant,
as my old friend.



Just melody:

Just a sound,
ringing in my head.
Just a tune,
not your fce instead.
The song you left behind,
it makes me cry.
Reminding me,
all the times that I,
that we,
had so much fun.
Just running in the morning, afternoon, and evening sun.
But,
all you run through now is darkness,
with both eyes closed.
But,
your always in my heart.
A place that no one knows.
Just a melody,
rining in my ears.
just a song,
will have me crying for years and years.

Everlasting Friend:

A heart beat skip,
a strange eye.
A tear drop dripped,
below my lip,
when I saw you die.
My sorrow consumed,
like the mighty river.
Happiness never to be resumed,
Joy banished forever.
but,
late at night,
when the stars are young.
I just sit in the moon light,
thinking about out previous fun.
Laughing, swinging,
staying up late,
that time when you were late to the airport gate.
But,
now it's all gone,
in a flash.
The time of joy in our song,
reduced to nothing but ash.
But,
your always in my head,
never touched by time.
My everlasting friend,
buried in the ground dead,
and that's when I end this rhyme.

Lonely:

This feeling,
this sense of everyone condemming me to damnation.
It feels so familiar.
It feels,
as if my soul has left this lonliness,
this sadness,
this demonic passion before.
I want more.
I want to silence this hunger for more power,
by lessoning the ones that love me.

Answer 1

The poems are reflective and projects good imagery. Formatting, grammar, and punctuation suffers, however.

The word 'but' is used too frequently and detracts from the mood. I'd recommend decreasing the lengthiness of the prose and group the stanzas tighter.

Answer 2

I was prepared not to like these. Who needs more teen angst poetry (than the person writing it)? But they are not bad at all. There is some good imagery. The author avoids being maudlin or melodramatic for the most part. There is credible sincerity and a good balance of mind and heart. They stand up to rereading. which decent poetry must.

Answer 3

I like the moon and Everlasting Friend the best.
The second one, melody sounds like song lyrics but thats probably just me.
Great Job though

Answer 4

They sound very personal. I hope you asked permission before posting them on the web.

Answer 5

I think that if a poem or group of poems makes me think of what they mean then they have done their job, well done to the writer.

Answer 6

they're pretty good, but did u ask to post these?

Answer 7

yeah your "friend" did pretty good. good job