I have a very good marriage with the exception of one issue...sex. We average 2-4 times a week and my husband thinks that is depriving him. I have a feeling most men will say "hell yah", but seriosly, there is so much more to it than that. I am a stay at home mom, i also babysit, I'm surrounded by the constant demands of little people all day, which at the end of the day, doesnt exactly make me feel 'sexy'. Plus I'm tired. Since summer is here and the kids are out school, my husband doesnt believe in making the kids go to bed at 8 or 9 so that we can be alone. He'll let them stay up til 10, 11, and even 12, and by then I'm beat and all I want to do is sleep. Is there something wrong with me? Should I feel obligated to have sex on demand, even when I'm not into it? I would think most men would want their partner to be into it, and not just do it to pacify the man. I love my husband and want to satisfy him, but I hardly think that 2-4 times a week is depriving him. Help!
2006-08-07 06:12:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him to get over it...getting it 2-4 times a week is better than NONE at all.
Sounds to me like he is rather selfish. Tell him to help out a bit, and help get the rugrats into bed by a decent hour, and maybe things will be different.
If he is so concerned with more sex, then he needs to help get things done so that there is time for it.
Tell him to take you out one night a week...hire a sitter and go out where there are no little people around to soak up all your attention. Maybe that will help.
Don't let it seem like you have done anything wrong. As far as I am concerned, your selfish spoiled brat husband needs to grow up and realize that satisfying his sexual appetite is not the only thing on your daily to-do list.
2006-08-07 06:41:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
your not depriving him. i leave the house at 5:45 and don't get home till 7 at night. I travel two hours each way to work. I'm exhausted when I get home. I have the same issue as you. It's normal. I have no kids so that wouldn't be an issue. Just being tired all the time. I sometimes give in just to get it over with. Don't feel bad there are others out there too with the same dilemma.
2006-08-07 13:21:38 · answer #2 · answered by mackey208 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you worried about satisfying HIM and not concerned with him satisfying YOU? You have such great demands....each child is the equivalent of TWO full-time jobs...you should be earning several hundred thousand dollars a year.
He should come home and decompress your day. When he gets home, he should ake over some of your responsibilities and obligations, and give you a break, a nap, a bubblebath, some YOU time.......You will feel so much more realxed and loved by him. It will increase your attraction to him.
You have needs too. Quit playing the martyr and tell him what you need from him. Tell him what it will do to enhance your life (and both of your sex lives). If he loves you and values your happiness, he will comply.
It soulds like he doesn't want as much sex as he seems to. He just needs more attention, and to feel wanted, desirable, appreciated, powerful, manly, needed, etc. But you have similar needs, and you spend so much time putting them on the back burner.
If your needs are met, you will feel more inspired to meet his, and both of you will be more satisfied with your lives. Just spell it out for him...guys are dumb about this stuff and don't get it. You have to talk to him like a two year old and tell him what you need from him. This will work for both of you.
2006-08-07 13:32:14 · answer #3 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2-4 times is plenty for any married couple. For your husband to tell you you are depriving him is childish. He needs to understand that a marriage is about much more than sex. He should be considerate about the toll your day to day life takes on you and stop giving you a hard time about his needs. Esp when you are taking care of them 2-4 weeks on average. Explain to your husband that you have needs too and ask him to start adressing them.Otherwise there are plenty of men out there that might appreciate having his problem. If you know what i mean!!
Good Luck
2006-08-07 13:56:17 · answer #4 · answered by Chris 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you dare feel badly! 2-4 times a week is a wonderful sex life....and if he complains or makes you feel badly introduce him to Mary Palm and her 5 sisters...lol...Seriously, I too am a stay-at-home mom to 4 and it is totally exhausting and who would feel sexy after a day of demanding little people! Ask your husband if he would take a day off of work and let you have the day off....and tell him in return you will make his night a "memorable" one. Plan a very sexy and erotic evening, after a day of pampering yourself to the point of feeling a tad bit selfish! And see if he is "up" to having sex when you get home! Try it! Trust me....it worked wonders for me! Good luck!
2006-08-07 13:24:02 · answer #5 · answered by MaHaa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband does not make the kids go to bed, you will have lots of other issues with him in the future about raising the kids. Mine never let me make my daughter do household chores and now she simply refuses to do any at all. She is 17 now and it's a real problem. As for your issue. Tell him that when the kids are in bed at a decent time he will start to get more of what he wants. You count too.
2006-08-07 13:22:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your absolutely right Red Roses! He needs to be more understanding and helpful!
If he expects you to be in the mood more often, he needs to help you by setting a bed time for the children and making sure they are all doing this.
We have a 10 year old and during school, here bed time is 9:00.
Once she is in bed my wife and I take some time to unwind and then very often we are BOTH in the mood to make love.
2-4 times per week is pretty damn good considering all that you are doing. Tell him to help out more if he continues to expect 2-4 times!
Good luck
2006-08-07 15:22:36 · answer #7 · answered by Ekimo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I understand a high sex drive (I have one) and I would think I have died and gone to heaven for twice a week; however, my wife of 32 years has never been as driven as me for sex and I am now at peace with that. We have had arguments over this - serious arguments, but I realize this is never going to change because you cannot force someone to want sex more than he or she does. Try to get some professional counseling with your husband with this issue. It could not hurt.
2006-08-07 13:38:32 · answer #8 · answered by JT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he will allow you to work less and get some rest, you might feel and be "in the mood" more often! Peoples sex quota is always different. He shouldn't force you to feel guilty about 2-4 times a week...thats not bad for some.
2006-08-07 13:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by honeybee4u2c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2-4 times a week is more than what my husband gets. if he really wants more quality time with you, tell him that he should make the kids go to bed earlier. if you explain to him that it will give you two more time to be intimate, then you may notice a change in the children's bedtime. Good luck
2006-08-07 13:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by bumblebee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋