How to handle a 14 year old in high school trying to be cool.?

Question

Our youngest is 14 two months shy of being 15. Its her second year in high school and she is all about the social sceen. We placed her on restriction for a week and Friday, she decided to leave us a not saying that sorry, she knows she is going to be in trouble but had plans with her friends. We have taken away her cell phone, Comptr, and sent her to her dads to stay for a while. In her letter she said she is will to lose anything except go live with her father. I as a Step/Mom think if she cant follow the rules then she needs to be with dad. Her dad is extreme and doesnt allow her to have a life period. Her mother is now feeling sorry for her. She still have no regret for her actions and views everthing like we are just trying to get in the way of her social life. She goes out and exceeds her curfew several times. How can we make her take responisibilty for her actions?

Sorry, She was on restriction and left before we both got home from work. She was not allowed to go anywhere. She left us a note saying She needs to live her life to the fullest. She is out of control. She got home at 12:00 pm- even not on restriction her curfew is 10:30

See, we do know what she is doing, and we do have open communication with her. She abused her own freedom we let her have. Its only a matter of her making excuses on why she cant be home on time. She has it made, her grades are suffering and she does care about anything but boys and friends. She is trying to be older than she is.

Her back ground, She is involved in sport-- Just got out of soccor camp. The divorce was 8 years ago. She doesnt really care for her dad. And wants to live with us, we are close and we dont talk S*&T about her dad, encourge her to have a relationship with him but he is strict. (Boot Camp) strict. Her grades are c- adverage, She is just social, we want her to have a social life, but she has no self disipline and disreguards us when she is with her friends. We do things together, movies, play games, I'm involved with her sports. She is very suportive with have two mom's and is not ashamed, all her friends know and she's probably would walk in a parade if given the opportunity.

Answer 1

All these people saying you need to just let her live her life???! That's insane..YOU ARE HER PARENT. When she is an adult, let her live her life, right now you need to discipline her. She could care less about your rules, don't you see if she won't follow the rules of a loving parent she definitley is going to have a much harder time in the real world? You know what...sometimes the hardest things to do for children is teach them discipline. Send her to bootcamp or to her father. When she begs and cries etc...
DO NOT give in. Teenagers are incredible manipulators. I know for a fact because my friends and I could all manipulate our parents without even trying when I was a kid. Look the "best" thing you can do for her is change her for the better. Once she realizes that she went too far and is stuck with her new life, she will "finally" realize that she can make her own decisions but she can't choose the consequences of those choices. That will be when she starts changing for the better. But YOU have to be strong. She will definitley try to manipulate your emotions. If your strong, you will
help her in the long run. If you give in, you reinforce her manipulatory nature.

Answer 2

I think you need to sit her down and tell her that her curfew is not a control issue, it's peace of mind for you that she be in the house by 10 pm. Tell her you love her very much and there are so many awful things that can happen to a young girl and ALL OF THEM go through your mind when she is out. Tell her that if she can maintain a 10pm curfew for a reasonable amount of time (like 6 months) you will consider lengthening it. Make sure she knows this is not a trust issue. You know she is a smart girl, but you just worry about her when she is away from the house.

Continued restriction will only lead to continued rebellion. Fall back and punt.

Answer 3

Teens,Teens,Teens.At this time there is already a whole lot going through their minds and bodies and it seems that there is other problems like the family situation,if you want to send her to her father and you are her stepmother, where is the mother and why is she in this situation and how long has this change in family been?She may be looking for attention,especially if both parents are not around.This is her way of showing you what she is going through.Give her a chance,talk to her,tell her you trust her,hear her out,hug and cry with her.Do not yell at her or tell her that she is wrong.Tell her that what she is doing is affecting the whole family and you want to work things out,tell her that you worry about her when she leaves,that you want her to be safe,that its ok that she wants to spend time with her friends but she needs to be home by the curfew time so that you can trust her another time and that it gives her time to talk with her a little before she goes to bed.And talk to her when she gets home on how she spent her time with her Friends,if she had fun and if they already made plans to hang out again,give her ideas.You get my point,you need to communicate with her.Use your imagination.It will work out if she really doesn't want to go with her dad.

Answer 4

oohhh, i know how she feels. When i was vry younge i was never aloud to have friends and as soon as i became a teenager i whent mad and did the same things. My mom was/is totally nuts thow and i needed to get away from it. You need to stop restricting her, and make every chance to talk out her odvious frustrations and how what she does now WILL change her futchure. ask her what she is doing wall she is out and insted of punishing her for it make an open comunication so she knows you care and love her and what she may be doing could hurt her i know this all sounds good and its easer said than done but she needs to know you re there for hewr and not just there to "hold her back" it will all come in good time all the fun she wants its not a race to get it all in at once

Answer 5

Ok you ought to do whatever. You ought to make new peers. I recognise your gonna say "its too rough" however its quite no longer. Sometimes the pleasant peers aren't regularly the prettiest and such a lot wellknown humans. You ought to be extra outgoing. Start announcing hello to everybody whos title you already know within the corridor. It is kinda intimidating but it surely makes humans recognise that you're tons extra pleasant and outgoing. At lunch should you see a organization of humans that seem like they're having a satisfactory time, become a member of them. Say hi there do you brain if i take a seat right here. They wont brain. Start to activity and consume healthful. Not seeing that of your weight it simply makes you extra full of life and makes you think bigger more commonly. Chances are, you're going to additionally lose the load. If the humans you occur to take a seat down with, arent who you notion they have been, decide upon a further organization tomorrow till you uncover one that you just like. You would possibly not are compatible in in the beginning, but it surely takes time. Your peers now aren't quite your peers in the event that they dont make you think well approximately your self. Like for illustration me and my peers, might be like "hi there hottie" and stuff that despite the fact that your simply joking round, it makes you think well. It will take time, however do not stop. Oh and despite the fact that you're mature, do not be afraid to goof off and feature amusing, you will not be a child ceaselessly you already know ;)Good success :)

Answer 6

What is her background? How did she deal with the divorce? Is quality time spent with her? Get her involved in sports, dance, drama, etc.
-Encourage her to find a job. How are her grades? Sit down and explain consequences for her actions. Ask her about future goals and how she expects to pay bills, rent, etc.
-

Answer 7

All adolescents aged 13-17 should be classified as legally insane. I know I was not functioning rationally at that age. Do your best and cross your fingers.

Answer 8

Unscrew her door from her room. I'm serious, I know these people who did that to their daughter and a week without privacy made her insane and she definatly followed her cerfew from then on.

Answer 9

send her to her father...for a period of say 4 months and tell her that if she doesn't clean up you will not allow her back.

Answer 10

let her be who she is suppsoe to be and learn from her mistakes, unless life threatening why interfere, might cause more harm if youd do, acceptance is only answer