Should I leave him?

Question

I feel so stupid asking this question, I used to be so independant and had the world at my feet!

My husband gets nasty. On Friday we had an arguement when I was driving. It was because I wouldn't take him somewhere the next morning because I had made really important plans to help my friend as it was her wedding day. He kicked off because he couldn't get his own way and was going mental at me in the car because I wouldn't take him home. I thought if I could just get him to his friend's house then he would be fine and would leave me alone. He tried to pull the handbrake on as I was doing about 40 MPH. Thankfully my car's computer stopped the handbrake from coming on. I shouted at him and he grabbed my arm and pulled me across the car into his seat. I had to go to the wedding with a big thumb print on my arm (very noticable!).

I have tried to leave him before but have never been strong enough to do it. I do love him, but don't think I should put up with this.

The thing is, he says his behaviour is normal but I have been mollycoddled my whole life and just can't cope with reality. I take it all guys aren't like this?

I don't really have anywhere to go, I'm in debt and he says he wont let me go. I don't want to hurt his or his family's feelings. Our wedding was so expensive and was less than a year ago. I was pushed into marrying him by him and his family. I feel like I have really messed up. What shoudl I do?

Sorry, I know I sound really pathetic!

Answer 1

leave him

Answer 2

This is what it sounds like will happen if you don't leave...He will one day beat the s*** out of you, and you still won't want to leave bacuase your too worried about what his family will think. I would leave and tell his family that they have an abusive son and that is why your leaving. Your sorry for having to leave, but your not going to put up with it. Maybe see if you can go live with a brother or sister or your parents until you can get your feet on the ground. It's better than ending up in the hospital with a broken bone or something because he beat you up.

Answer 3

Oh my love, what a tangle to get yourself in!

This behaviour is not normal in any way shape or form, and the sooner you feel strong enough to leave the situation, the better it will be for you.
I can understand that you love your partner, but at the end of the day, you really need to look after yourself. No-one should have to put up with any kind of abuse, be it mental, physical or emotional.

Maybe you don't feel strong enough at the moment to leave, but I can guaruntee that you will know when enough is enough.
I spent 6 years waiting for an abusive ex to change into the man of my dreams, and it very nearly killed me.

I hope that you realise that you are worth more than this sooner than I did.

Just make sure that you have somewhere that you can go, "just in case". Save up some money and ask if you can keep food at friends and family BEFORE you go, that way, there will not be any worries about how you will eat for a while.
If you don't have time and you need to go quickly, get a plan sorted out A.S.A.P.

I understand that this all sounds very cloak and dagger, but if this man is agressive and abusive, it will be safer for you this way.

There are plenty of Womens shelters that you can go to, I do hope that you are ok.
Please take care of yourself. I know that I may have made your partner out to be a maniac, but ANY man that puts his hands on a woman has the potential to become a maniac. He is nothing but a bully who is weak and inadequate. See him for what he is.

Take care you, Lou x

Answer 4

Hun you don't sound sad or any thing like that. He should NOT be doing this to you at all. No not all men do this, my hubby does not. If this is the first time he has scared you like this you need to talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. Maybe he needs counciling for his anger. Marriage counselling may help you two that only if you want to stay in this relationship but it sounds like you don't. Why not just leave and go to your parents for a few days for you to sort yourself out and for him to sit back and think about how he treats you. I'm sure you could find some way to leave him. Yes you will have to start all over again but it will be worth it in the end don't worry about debt as you can pay it off monthly. I'm not sure if there is some one you can talk to, to help you out like a friend or family member. Good Luck I really hope you find happiness in your life as you deserve it.

Answer 5

I don't care what anyone says, your husband has anger and selfish issues..... nothing you do or say will change him because "change always starts within yourself", and it's obvious that your husband feels and admitts that he doesn't have a problem. He's in denial about his behavior, bad bad bad.... because being in denial allows him to justify his uncalled for actions. Sad to say, his behavior won't improve or get better, it will only get worse. I know that you love him, but no amount of love and praise will change the way he treats you, so you have to love and take care of yourself by leaving the relationship. There should be Shelters for battered women located within your community or you can even try staying at the home of a close friend or family memeber

Until your husband recognizes and admitts that he has a problem and takes steps to work on and correct it. He could never provide you with the love, and care you deserve.

Good luck

Answer 6

This man sounds like a bully and no you do not have to put up with this. After such a short time in marriage he is showing early signs of violence. His behaviour is not normal to all men, just a few of the worst kind. Not only was his behaviour in the car violent it was also very, very dangerous. He is utterly selfish and seems to want everything his way. Only you can summon up the strength to leave him and if this is what you decide to do make sure you have a friend or family member present when you go, you might need their support and the protection of their presence. Good luck, I hope everything goes well for you.

Answer 7

as a woman coming from similiar situations I know you will do as you want anyway. It is a hard call to make if you love them. Is this a one time thing, was alcohol a factor, is he normally violent, etc. There are circumstances as to what you should do. However, no man or woman should have to put up with any kind of treatment such as this. Also, this is a bad sign of things to come. U could have been seriously killed or hurt in the car if it had not been for technology. In the end u will do what u want. If it were me, he'd be on probation by me and ONE more sign would be the end of him and I. Good luck and take care of yourself cause no one else will.

Answer 8

first off it's not a stupid question your in love and it has blinded you!!! no ones fault but love it self! we all have been blinded by love!
i do see that you love him! I also see by posting this you just want some support on leaving him!
your friends wedding! ask her if you could't stay with her for a while. or some other friend! these are signs of abuse is he abusing you?
and you are strong enought to leave him! you just don't want to lose the confert of loving him and starting anew!
don't be scared of him or his family the law is on your side! there are lots of legal things you can do to keep someone away from you!
but maybe if you try to talk to him tell him how you feel! let him tell you how he feels listen to him restate what he said and throw in your twist.... if he doesnot try to comprimise then he is just as selfish as a little boy who has some candy and will not share! but he is an old dog and they are harder to change! so pick your poison! pick it wisely!!
Good luck

Answer 9

No female should ever have to put up with physical or mental abuse. And you are not alone, there are shelter and programs out there for women just like you who can help you get back on your feet. I would talk to a social worker or even call your city's local information center and inquire where the nearest center is.Your local police department knows of these centers as well.You can still love someone but not be able to be with them. And if he states there is no problem and his behavior is normal then he has a real problem and until he recognizes it there is no fixing the problem.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

If there is love left, marriage counseling. . . if he is abusing you, then leave the situation immediately - file for divorce later. He sounds like he has serious issues with his temper - there is no excuse for this. We are all adults and must cope with our personalities in reasonable ways. He sounds dangerous when he's angry - I would get help or get out.

And you're right. Most men are not like this. Demand mature behavior. He sounds very childish. Contrary to popular belief, women should not have to mother their husbands.