My mom and husband have never gotten along, she has lived with us off and on for the 15 years i have been marr

Question

We have helped her with bad boyfreinds, bad times, and low times. Now she has a job and a place to move to and she says she will not move. She has forever put down my husband and told me to fix the problem to her satisfaction. She tries to run my household with her mouth insisting things be done her way or not at all. She will push and push on me until i scream. No matter what my husband does or says it is not good enough for her. She has been married 3 times and none of the worked out. Now because she fees she messed up with me that i will for sure mess up. . She will push her 2 cents down me until i can no longer breath. I am not raising the kids right, i spending to much time concerned with my husbands happiness spending money on things she does not agree with, or my husband watches to much tv and does not help with the house work enough. I was raised by her to serve my man and now she is telling me to change my ways? Do i ask her to move. I love my husband and want to be his wife.

Answer 1

Sorry to say but it's time for mom to go . let her know you love her and love having her around but you need to breath and she is sufacating you . AND to tell you the truth all mothers are that way. but you and your husband ahve to stand up together and tell her she has a week a month whatever you think is appropreate and get out. You need to let her know that while she is there this is your husband your kids and your life and if she dont like it Go fly a kite and not worry so much. If you dont stand up to her and make sure you always tell her evrytime she opens her mouth to jsut stop she wont. i know i have a mom you sure we aint sisters sounds like the same person here...lol i told my mother to stop and evrytime she open her mouth to say something negative i stoped her in her tracks reminder her of who's house she is in and told her to please keep her bad comments to herself. that i really love her but if she kept on i would have to exclude her of family events . and it's actually working and it feels good to stand up to her finally

Good Luck

Answer 2

Any reason (other than mooching or making others miserable) that she has NOT had a place of her own before now? I am a single parent, and have been living on MY OWN since I was a very Young Adult -- paying my own bills, working, establishing my own household, and after the divorce -- paying for all the bills, raising my children on my own, and remaining single.

So it CAN be done -- and perhaps you and your husband need to be UNITED and present to your mother the rules of the house -- give your mother 30-60 days to find alternative arrangements, but YOU need to take the lead, tell her that this IS your home, that she needs to respect you, and have YOUR husband back you up.

If she does not move out on her own -- then really, what responsibility do you have for her now anyway? Is she disabled in any way (or just between men -- because with 3 marriages -- and that IS a lot of failed marraiges -- which seems to me to be a neediness where she has no confidence in herself or identity other than to hang onto a man), or elderly? If it is the 'between the man' stages, and she has a job -- then she should be independent - - and gain her self-confidence back by transitioning to living on her own.

You are already on the right track, because you value your marriage. That you have been married for 15 year -- wow! That says a lot about the strength you and your husband have.

Answer 3

This is now your time, she had her time to raise you and it should be over. From what you are saying, she is creating her own unhappiness. For whatever reason, it is not your problem to solve...only hers. If she will not move, then if I were you and your husband...I would move. How can you possibly be happy (or your husband and kids) when there is a person like this living with you. It wouldn't matter if it were your mother or someone else, it is your responsiblity to take charge of your life. She is your mother, but she doesn't see any boundaries with you. Create your boundaries and she needs to respect you and those boundaries....she needs to realize her job of raising you has ended and she needs to control her happiness and life. You should be at the point of knowing that you are an adult now and do not require a mother to live and continue to try and control your life. They need to move out and take charge of their lives, if they won't ...MOVE...if you own your home then you and your husband make a stand and say you are giving them so long to find a place. I would hope she wouldn't remain somewhere where she is no longer wanted, you both need to be firm and stand together on this. If she won't leave, you will have to seek assistance outside your home. It might be ugly for the moment, but your life will get better. Mom needs to get into therapy as she has a major control problem among other issues.

Answer 4

Ok.. first of all... Your first priority is your home. Take care of your Husband.. and Children. Two women can't share the same kitchen. It's an old saying but it's true. Immediately, (like yesterday) tell your mother she MUST leave. Don't ask her to leave....Tell her (in love) she must leave right away. Until she seeks counseling/therapy she should not be allowed to enter your families domain and spread that kind of poisen. She has some serious issues that will tear at the very core of your marriage (if it hasn't already). She obviously needs help and you're home is not the place for her to receive that help.

You are allowing her to rip you and your family to shreds. Yes, she's your mother, but she's in destructive mode right now and you and your family are in her path. The Bible says (Gen. 3) LEAVE and CLEAVE which means... You leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. There is No room for a mother or father who are tripping. You will need to take a firm stand before it's too late. Take her to lunch, let her know she has 24 hours to BE GONE! You can tell her in love.. but you need to be firm and don't change your course of action. When you tell her... expect her to trip or to use guilt, anger, hesterics, or emotional blackmail as her trump card.. DON'T give in. She will never abide by how you run your home because she can't and is not mentally able to.

There is also a strong possibity that she is jealous of your and what you have and will stop and nothing to ruin your relationship and have you go down the same path she choose. Three marriages... WOW! Not good. Crap happens but in the end we all have to be held accountable for our actions. If you don't check this situation immediately, your family (if it hasn't already) will suffer. There's only but so much a person (man/woman) can take when an intruder is breathing out negativity and hostility in their home.

Check that situation with a quickness.

Answer 5

Sweetie, just pack up your mother's belongs and move her right on out~ no questions asked~ U r not asking her to leave we are cleaning house and although we may not want to hear it but its true~ ITS TIME TO GO~ PERIOD~ Stop giving mom fed back no need to scream in your own house. Tune her out just as she use to tune us out~ U are not being mean by not replying. A person can not argue alone~ And as you say, "Mom you raised me to stand by my husband and I am. I am not going to allow you stick around and bad talk my husband as if he does not get a raw deal at work~ We are helping you by taking you in now, we are letting you go faster than we can come and get you~ No need to be angry cause I am married and its no fun to have to pick sides. Your mom is like my mom nothing is good enough. I tell her its my way or the highway~ U took the oath and if you do not talk to your man like that the u should not allow your mom too. And you said something about her telling you to fix it. Well you did - she is gone now~ Good luck and tighten that belt cause our parents hold a tight right.. Okay~ Just tell hubby, I will need reinforcement because u may seem as though its mean but you need peace and will not get it unless MoM DUKES in GONE~

Answer 6

Boy, you have a tough job!!! I can't tell you how strongly I feel you need to change your behavior toward her. How on earth has your husband stood it?
We teach people how to treat us. You know very good and well what you need to do. Not only do you need to not allow her to belittle you and your family, you need to give her two weeks to move out. If she doesn't, have the locks changed and don't give her a key. If she raises a stink, call the police and press charges. You'll either get a change in her behavior or be rid of her. You think it can't be done? Oh yes it can.

Answer 7

If your mom has the means to live on her own then I see no reason why you shouldn't ask her to move out. She had her chance at creating a family when you were young, and now this is your chance. You can't do that with her always there and trying to run things like this is her house. You deserve the right to create your own family life as you see fit just like she did originally. It is wonderful you were able to help her out when she needed help, but that time has passed and it is time to get on with your life and for her to get on with hers.

Answer 8

You dont ask her you tell her to get out that you love her but you are all grown up and very happy with your life and if she can not take that you are happy than she needs to stay out of your life we all know when it comes to moms they will always think you deserve better than who you are with but that is just the mom thing if she is taking this out of control which she is than you need to put her in her place and make sure you make it a point that you do love her but you can not take it anymore and if she cant be nice or keep her mean thoughts to herself when she is near then she is not welcome anymore.

Answer 9

It's time for mom to grow up, and get a place of her own. She has been invading your (and your husband's) privacy for too long already. She cannot refuse to move - it's not her house! Help her to find a place fairly far away from your's.

Answer 10

you better get her out of your life. your husband will get tired of it and leave. I'm sure it puts a strain on your marriage. never let family live with you, that is a very bad idea. it always ends in disaster. don't let her ruin your family. it sounds like she needs to grow up and let you have a turn at being a wife and mother, she had her turn already!