I was married on October 8, 2006, since then I have believed that my husband had stopped smoking cigarettes. Periodically I ask him if he has smoked because I can smell it, he will look right into my eyes and say no. Since our marriage he has lied about smoking to me seven times. Each time I explain to him that it hurts me, I feel like I cannot trust him and I would rather he tell me the truth. I have suggested the patch, the pill, counseling anything to help him quit. I try to be supportive and understanding, but I am tired ofthe lies. I am 34 and just not too happy about being a newlywed with someone who cannot be honest with me. Of course, this has spun into other issues of trust as well and the problem is greater than just his lying about smoking to me. I have suggested counseling and even approached him crying saying I am worried and I think we need help to communicate better with one another. How far is too far? Am I just being codependent? Help!!!
2006-08-07 04:49:08 · 7 answers · asked by jeffad 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you both need therapy if you want to salvage your marriage. I stems deeper than just him lying about trying to quit smoking. Sounds like you have trust issues, either way, try going to therapy - the BOTH of you if you want to mend things.
Good luck!
2006-08-07 05:03:57 · answer #1 · answered by xx_kittymeow_xx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard quiting smoking is the hardest thing to do.
Him lying can be a good thing if you think about. He is lying because he doesn't want to lose you, however, he should be honest about it when asked.
Have you asked why he will not quit smoking? Maybe explain to him the secondhand is the worst. Show him pictures of what his lungs look like. I'm sure you can find some on the internet. Use tough love if you have too. Divorcing over this is not the answer. Sounds like something that can be worked out if you both love each other.
2006-08-07 12:22:58 · answer #2 · answered by Rain040792 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you react to this situation, I can understand somewhat why he would want to lie and say no that to face seeing you angry and hurt. Quitting smoking is hard, it may be the hardest thing he'll ever have to do. When he lapses and has a cigarette, I'm sure he has alot of feelings and guilt that he feels over it. But he needs to quit when he's really ready and he's doing it for himself not for anyone else. His smoking does not affect his love for you, it is his own struggle, he knows how you feel about it. If you truly love him for him, then be with him. Theres going to be things in a marriage you don't like, it will never be perfect. Accept him as he truly is, whether he smokes or not, or move on. If your having fears and looking for anything to get out of marrying him, than move on. Life is short and you are young.
2006-08-07 12:05:33 · answer #3 · answered by Fleur de Lis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counselling, then if he refuses 2 stop smoking and u hate it,annullment. u can't be married 2 someone who smokes if u hate smoking and it will pose health problems 4 u as well as him. it is not only about him and how do u know that u can trust him about other more serious issues?
2006-08-07 12:06:40 · answer #4 · answered by harps21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is easy since you haven't been married yet (October 8, 2006) call the wedding off until you can trust him
2006-08-07 11:55:27 · answer #5 · answered by Completly in love... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are built with trust and honnesty,There are always a solution to problem,some are easy to resolve and some are very hard.so just ask him to sit with you and ask him what he really want,take each a paper and write on it what you like and dont like and then give the paper to him and his to you and then you can talk about it,maybe it will help.good luck
2006-08-07 12:16:03 · answer #6 · answered by none 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not like he is having sex with a cigarette... get over it!
2006-08-07 11:56:52 · answer #7 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋