I am in a marriage of almost 10 years (together 5 years before marraige) and I feel the reason for our marital discord is the lack of romance. In my opinion just being there everyday is not enough, it takes effort to keep things from becoming stale. Marriage without romance seems like a glorified friendship, don't you need the romance to seperate the two? And shouldn't both be responsible for keeping it alive?
2006-08-07 04:29:33 · 15 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And is this something counseling can help with?
2006-08-07 04:37:00 · update #1
To answer some of your ?'s, yes I've done the lingerie, candles and music, things like that but sometimes I want to be the recipient of the music candles or whatever else he wants to do create romance.
2006-08-07 05:00:42 · update #2
It's very sad but true sometimes the romance seems to fizzle out a bit or a lot after people become very familiar with each others routine. Your correct it does take a lot of effort to keep the touch lit but both parties have to work at it. My son and daughter in law were also having a lot of troubles in this area but have worked through the problem. They have two beautiful children and they were their lives after their births. But this left no time for them to have fun and go out. They decided that they would have some time for each other also and go out on dates once again to try and recapture the romance that they once had. Also communication is very important as words can heal a lot of things and can also produce romance. Have a good chat with your significant other and be honest about how you feel. Some people need additional help; ie: marriage counselling, to help them throught the rough spots. Best of luck to you and yours and I wish you much romance in the days ahead.
2006-08-07 04:42:32 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, okay first....good question.....second.... lets look at why you are married in the first place. We marry because we respect, love and above all place another person above ourselves. That being said, it almost sounds as if you husband isn't working at being attentive to your needs or you just aren't letting him know. Either way..... it's our job as a spouse/partner to pick up on those little clues. It's very easy to get into a rut with someone and often we feel that we should just sit back and wait for the other person to start the river flowing. Understand that there are two people in this equation.... and both have equal responsibility for what happens. Maybe you need to take the bull by the horns and try to get romance back into your lives. If you have been doing this all along and still no response, It could be time for him to understand the reward for his lack of effort. Good luck with this!
2006-08-07 11:54:49 · answer #2 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes both are responsible for keeping romance alive. in a relationship, not only feelings is a must but attraction as well. Attraction for each other keeps the romance sparked and alive. Also spending outdoors time together can spark up the romance. It is very important however, that he cooperates as well. Romance indoors gets sparked when outdoors, tell him (whisper ) naughty words (ideas) into his ears or be playful (flirting) and that will intensify the romance as you both approach alone time in your bedroom. Definitely is a must that action reaction shall occur from both - you and him. as you shall act flirty with him he shall react and keep the spark going and vise versa. you might have to take the initiative for the first couple of times since he seems to have lost the spark. As i stated before, flirting in public will spark romance indoors ;)
i hope i could help
2014-01-23 20:35:51 · answer #3 · answered by Tort-u-go 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the comment about you wanting to be the recipient of some of the romance. It's always on us females to provide the lingerie, to strip for him, to massage him, what about us? I would like to be the recipient once in a while, too. Anyway, you definitely do need romance in a marriage. But the only way to get him invovled is to talk to him about it. Tell him what you've told us and that you think you both need to work on it. Just approach it in a nice way, you know how easy it is to hurt a man's ego.
2006-08-07 12:45:10 · answer #4 · answered by SweetPea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there needs to be romance and it is the responsibility of both partners. Counseling may help you get out of the rut you are in. A lot of times people just get too comfortable and start to take each other for granted. That is no good.
2006-08-07 11:47:03 · answer #5 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everything you said Ms. Understood. It does take BOTH people making an effort to keep the romance alive.
I bring my wife breakfast in bed at least once each weekend. I call her just to say I love you. We still go out on date nights together at least once a month. Both of us are very romantic.
If your hubby wants to enjoy the things you do for him, he needs to reciprocate and do things for you also. Marriage is definitley a two way street and if one of you doesn't understand that it can be very hard on both of you!
You could invite him out to a dinner and possibly discuss this then. At a restaurant, it's very hard to run away from a discussion. If you stay positive and make your point to show him that it benefits BOTH of you, he may start to understand.
I wish you the very best of luck!
2006-08-07 13:08:08 · answer #6 · answered by Ekimo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, marriage must have romance. I think people are too self-centered and busy these days to remember that. Just look at the divorce rates!!! I find that my husband is much more romantic and sweet when I do something romantic and sweet. Are you doing your part without expecting things in return? Find something little to do... make his favorite dinner, leave him little notes in places he'll see them, when he comes home, meet him at the door naked. I think he might notice that last one. Don't let people tell you romance is only for dating, it can be every day. And should be. Good luck!!
2006-08-07 11:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by Lindsay M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say marriage is your toughest job... and it really is.. it is something that you have to work at... and it is the responsibility of both partners to work at keeping the relationship alive... it truly is like a plant and your work is like the sun and water that keep the plant healthy and thriving.. well if you are sun and he is the water... if you are shining all the time and he doesn't put in his share.. the plant starts to wilt and wither and it is unfortunate that it usually takes a scenario like this to grasp the other partner's attention but it is true... my husband would be a prime example he didn't take our relationship seriously so it started withering and dying and then when I am to the point that I don't care anymore that is when he wants to start putting in an effort.. but for me it was to late... if your partner isn't interested enough to put in their fair share.. the relationship is ultimately doomed.
2006-08-07 11:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendship won't get you past hard times. I think that part of a marriage is being friends, but also being lovers. And it takes two to do it. Try something different, talk to him about it, see what he feels about it.
And take this advice with a grain of salt since I'm single right now :(
2006-08-07 11:36:46 · answer #9 · answered by Roberto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be happy that you are content. IF you want romance, then get to work on it...no one said you cannot be romantic, start the ball rolling. See where it leads> Good luck
2006-08-07 11:37:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋