My ex fiance left me for the girl I was seeing at the time. Since then, they have had a son, gotten married, and now, she is pregnant again. Since he was my first love, you can imagine that it wasn't easy to let him go. I still haven't FULLY let him go as of now. Recently, he got saved and realized that it wasn't her he wanted; It was me. He tells me he still loves me and that he wants to be with me. What should I do? They have a second child due in October, and she and I hate each other. She had the situation planned out before she and I got together. I feel as if he really has changed his mind about being with her, but then again, my mind says "NO", but my heart says "Ok..One more time...That's it..." I want to be with him, and I want to trust him, but I'm not sure he's going to change...What should I do?
2006-08-07 04:25:40 · 17 answers · asked by Lindsey G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
whats up girl...damn that sux...What I would advise you to do would be really evaluate what you want out of the relationship. Are you more mad/hurt that he left you for someone, or are you in love with him enough that you could be willing to except his family (child conceived right after he left) and try to make it work. The only reason I ask is becasue I have benn through a similar situation. I thought I wanted my ex back, but I soon realized that even if we tried again, I would never be able to let that hurt he put me through go. Never. When I finally realized that the reason I was having such a hard time getting over what had happened was becuase of how insecure it made me feel to be LEFT for another woman, I was able to deal with those feelings. It took a lot of soul-searching (and makeover $$ :) ) to realize that I didnt really want him back, I just wanted to feel good about myself again. Now that I do, I was able to find a man that really cares about me, and puts me first. Anyway, I wish nothing but the best for you. Hit me up if you need to chat- Jessica
2006-08-07 05:42:59 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica P 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to trust me here. This is not worth your time and effort... not if you have to be a part of breaking up a family. If he and his wife are having problems, he needs some time alone!!! You will end up being the "rebound girl" if you accept his invitation to partner with him again. Have a little more respect for yourself here! He made the choice to leave you because of what? He already told you that - you weren't what he wanted - and now you're going to let him be in charge of your life because he wants you again? The rebound, especially after marriages, doesn't work in most cases! Remember, he was the one who left you - he doesn't sound like too much of a man if he has to change his mind after having kids with another woman. If I were you, I would tell him that he needs some time apart from women so he can decide what he wants, before he wrecks someone Else's' life - not just the kids who are going to be without their father, and the woman that he chose. Have enough respect for yourself to not be the rebound for someone who didn't choose correctly in the first place. If he REALLY loves you, and wants you in the future... he will fix what he has done, get his divorce if he is getting one, and get his life on track.
2006-08-07 11:39:38 · answer #2 · answered by monarchfly7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'd only be putting yourself in the situation where he will either hurt you again, or you'll never really trust that he won't and that makes for bad relationships. Also, he is still married with children and that's a lot of emotional baggage that you don't need from someone who has already left you once.
2006-08-07 11:36:53 · answer #3 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, tough question. Matters of the heart are always tough. Your heart is telling you one thing and your mind is saying hell no. Go with your mind on this one, Hell NO. He has kids with this girl, he will always have some type of relationship with her, can your heart trust that he is going to say no, if she invited him in to her womanly spaces. Think about that......................yeah its hard saying good bye to your first love or for that matter anyone that you've ever really loved, but that is life. You can love him from a distance but love yourself enough to believe that you will find your mister right and be patient.
If you are really set on giving it another try, maybe you should try being his friend and only his friend.
Goood Luck, Girl
2006-08-07 11:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by Monie D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm...risky. i'd say it would be worth the shot for a few reasons. first, you're not risking a friendship by pursuing it, because you already hate her. second, you're probably going to torture yourself with "what-ifs" if you dont take a chance on it. you'll always wonder what could have been. thirdly, you seem to honestly believe that he's changed. that means something in his demeanor is different. if that's true, then its worth the risk. but you have to ask yourself one question before you do this. regardless of how you feel about this other woman, are you willing to tolerate her presence as the mother of his children? i assume that he wants the kids in his life, and if that's the case, then you need to show their mother some respect in their presence, regardless of your true feelings. you need to take some time, do some soul-searching, and then, make a decision. whatever happens, stand by your decision. good luck.
2006-08-07 11:34:43 · answer #5 · answered by begeeman13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should keep it moving.. he already has a ready made family and he's married.. now if he claims to be saved then he wouldn't be calling u and telling u he's not happy w/her.. who's to say he'll be happy w/u.. he needs to deal w/the situation, he made his bed and now he should lie in it.. this wasn't just ur friends fault -remember that- it takes 2.. and i believe u said he left u which means he went willingly..
u need to cut ur losses and find u someone else.. two wrongs will not make it right.. don't be selfish because if he cheats w/u the children w/suffer as well...
he dissed u and dismissed u and it was easy for him to do it.. don't make it easy for him to do it again.. and not only that do u really wanna be dealing w/the babymamma drama, or mistress drama????
2006-08-07 11:36:29 · answer #6 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby girl, let's your mind guide you this time. he has to make it right first, before he can be with you. eventhough that the girl he's with is not good for him. it's his decision and now there will be 2 childs attached to his luggage. he realized about his love, but what make you think he won't change it again. baby girl, don't just see the romantic side of the story, see the consequence also. it's a major step. and it has to be right.
2006-08-07 11:38:53 · answer #7 · answered by harmony 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should stay away from him. If he were truly "saved" he wouldn't have contacted you and told you all this. This guy simply wants his cake and to eat it too. And that's not right. Bottom line, he's married with 2 kids. He needs to deal with that honorably.
And you deserve better. If you go back with him, your heart will probably get hurt alot more than it will if you tell him to get lost!
2006-08-07 11:32:57 · answer #8 · answered by Annie's World 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he married this women and has 2 children with her there might be something between them.
Don't do anything with him, until he divorces his wife. There will be more problems. My thing is "once a cheater, always a cheater". He might just want to have a fling with someone on the side.
2006-08-07 11:36:14 · answer #9 · answered by Rain040792 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would NOT go back to him he will keep going back to her and his children it's not worth the heart ache you will go through. And everytime he is not with you it will be in the back of your mind like maybe he is with her. It's just a mess and a hard dission but if you do not want to get hurt anymore i would find someone else unless you want your heart to get broken over and over again.
2006-08-07 11:46:36 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋