mature people please-sorry for the length?

Question

Okay I am 22 and so is my boyfriend, we have been together around 2 years. Relationships has had some rocky parts, but for the most part we are best buds. So Friday, we have relations, and he goes soft. He was pretty drunk so I was like whatever and went to sleep. He got mad at me the next day, and said I should finish what I start. Cool, I let that one slide even though I felt it was really his fault. So saturday he gets COMPLETELY plastered, and we try again. Well he was HURTING ME (and believe me I am no punk) and I wasn't really saying anything becuase Ijust wanted him to be happy, but when he asked me if I needed a break I said yes. Well HE passes out, so I go to sleep too. he wakes me up yelling at like 4 am, bout how I do not even try to make him c*m. I say whatever and I go to sleep. So, LAST night, i was like fine, I am going to pull out ALL The stops. I mean I was in the little outfit, had the sexy music on, I give him a little oral, i give him a little dance,

Additional Details

28 minutes ago
and then I twerk it (not trying to be graphic but I want you to know i am working hard here), well of course he had been drinking on and off all day(a large beer and like 2 STRONG margaritas), he seemed to be enjoying it, then his face changes and he goes limp.

He text messages me later saying that if this cycle does not stop he will leave me!!!

What the HELL is going on here? What am I doing? Is this him? Is it me?

I do not think he is cheating he is always with me, and we share a phone bill and there is never anything on there....

sorry for the length...thank you to all who answer.

8 minutes ago
the pain is not caused by lack of lue, it is just SHEER force..

sorry that is lube

Answer 1

I dont think he is an alcoholic.

If he is an alcoholic, then one of the signs is that once he starts drinking, he cannot stop until he gets well and truly hammered.

If he is an alcoholic, and alcohol effects his dick, then you would have had these limp experiences since you first started going out with him, not in the last couple of days.

Going limp happens to the best of us at least once at some point in our lives. Maybe it was the alcohol, coupled with him being stressed for some reason.

I bet that the first time it happened it scared the **** out of him. He is feeling insecure and less of a man, which is the reason why he feels he has to bang and hurt you when you have sex (i.e. to show you he is still a man and can **** you senseless - gross I know). He is so scared of this happening again, that all the way thru sex he is waiting to see if it is going to happen to him again, and focuses so much on this (instead of focusing on you dear) that his fear becomes self fulfilling. This is a nasty turn of events, as the next time round its going to be even more of a problem for him.

The stupid thing he is doing is that he is blaming you. You have nothing to do with this, and his blaming you shows how insecure he is.

Two things you can do:

1. Speak to him when he is not drunk. Tell him that you think he is a hunk and beef up his very weak and fragile ego. Tell him that you want to have fun and go out and get him some viagra. Tell him that while you want to have fun, he has to be gentle with you as he is very strong and can easily hurt you, and that you dont enjoy sex that much when he hurts you. Let him have the viagra, and hopefully he will build his confidence again and get over his insecurities, and he will not be needing viagra again.

2. If you cannot get him to stop blaming you after 1 above, then really, he is not worth your while. He has no right to abuse you and take it out on you. You are not his punching bag and you never will be. Have enough respect for yourself to not let him punch on you. Get out of the way, leave him, for he needs someone professional to help him, cos he will destroy you.

Hopefully number 1 works - the best choice. But number 2 is a good choice as well if 1 does not.

Good Luck

Answer 2

The answer is simple. He loses his erection or cannot get one because he has been drinking too much. A few men can perform even when they are drunk, but your BF is not one of them. His blaming you is typical behaviour for some guys as he wants to avoid the real reason for his erection problems, which is his drinking.

You probably would like to help him. Unfortunately, if you bring up the drinking he will probably just get angry at you and start blaming you all over again. I can hear his words, "Oh, now you want to take away the fun of having a couple of beers, you little _____[fill in the blank]"

The only blame you have to assume for yourself is staying with him after learning what I just told you. Then you are enabling his drinking and he never will get better.

Answer 3

Your BF is an alcoholic and he is immature and selfish. He doesn't deserve the work that you are putting into him. If he would lay off the booze, maybe he could keep it up. His limpness is not your fault or responsibility. That's like if you had some paper and wanted to write a story and someone gave you a pen that had no ink. You can't write if you don't have ink. You've the goods and he just can't cash in. He would rather blame you for his shortcomings instead of address his real issues. Cut your losses and run like the wind. You won't have any peace with him and he will continuously chip away at your self-esteem. If you surround yourself with negative people, negative things are bound to occur. Try surrounding yourself with positive people and watch positive things start happening. He doesn't deserve you and he doesn't respect you. He is taking you for granted. He should be apologizing to you for not giving you the satisfaction that you desire. Three drunken days in a row. BIG PROBLEM. Don't let him bring you down to his level.

Answer 4

I dont know about your sex life but he sounds rather inconsiderate there, my husband would never do the things that you describe and also threatening to leave you because of some minor sex problems seems a bit shallow. The thing that would be bothering me more than anything is the drinking, I hate men who drink, and they often dont remember things properly the next day, put all the blame on you and screw with your mind, giving you guit trips and so on. He sounds quite manipulative. You should see this as a chance to get out, if he is blaming you for his problems now you are on a road to nowhere. Just my advise, sorry for the long answer but was a long question, good luck x

Answer 5

I know a selfish lush when I see one.Your boy has a drinking problem and won't face up to it.When he went limp the first time it ws probably from the alcohol and must have caused him some anxiety, then he yells at you and blames you,for his inadequecy.The pattern repeats and gets more physical and mean each time.It will get worse if he does not get help.I understand his frustration,but it is the alcohol that is the cause not you.
If this continues you will be in an abusive relationship in no time.Do you want that for yourself?You can get guidence by looking in the phone book for help in your area.

Answer 6

Well there comes a time in a relationship when a man gets unaroused by the same partner after a while, but in your case it seems to be that the time in the relationship does not meet the standard.So on to what is really the problem, he is, or should i say u r suffering from a case of whiskey d_ck. Alcohol plays a cruel joke on some men and dampens there senses like touch and feel. I myself have been a victim to the powers of alcohol. It seems that u have done all u can and he needs to accept that its his drinking and not u.

Answer 7

Initial reaction is that your man is a baby. He needs to grow up and stop drinking so much. My man understands that alcohol and hard on's can be a tough combination and sometimes we just let it go until morning and then go again when everyone's a bit more sober. However, he's almost 30. I think it's great that you're willing to make him happy, no matter what, but the way he's yelling and complaining and making things your fault, is totally unhealthy. Do you ever b*tch at him for the fact that you're not getting off either?
I say ditch the guy entirely and find yourself someone who wants to make YOU happy! :)

Answer 8

From what you've said, it seems to me that the only times you two are having intercourse is when one or both is drunk. You need to ask yourself why. Is he this way when he's not drinking? Plus this guy sounds like a mean drunk...he's hurting you and doesn't seem to care...this could be foreshadowing future problems with him later, perhaps even abuse. Why would you want to be with him? You are 22, and I'll bet you're hot looking, and there are plenty of guys out there who know how to treat a lady. I wish I could find someone who's as eager as you are to please the man she's with.

The drinking and the mean temper and the erectile dysfunction are all clear signals that this guy needs help. IF you want to stay with him, tell him to get help. Otherwise (and this is my advice to you), leave him before you get hurt, both emotionally and physically. This guy's a ticking bomb.

Hope this helped. Good Luck

Answer 9

Seems like your guy has a problem maybe he has low comfidence in his sexual ability due to a couple of failures so he drinks a bit to feel good which in turn leads to sexual problems he in turn starts to get aggresive to prove his manhood and hurts you by banging it in too hard. Try having a quiet evening together and get the love and romance back into your lives and have sex if it happens not as a habit or a duty. It's good that you like each other enough to be buddies outside of the bed there is more to a good relationship than sex

Answer 10

It sounds like, to me, he's got a drinking problem. I think you already knew that though as you put that he was drinking all those nights. I would suggest making him improve the situation by getting off the liquor before it gets more serious than it already is. If he's becoming a violent drunk things could get much worse than him yelling at you. If he's not willing to drop the habit for you drop him.

It seems like he's a very lucky guy who's willing to throw that away so be can get drunk. If you're going to try to get something serious with a guy make sure he's willing to go out of his way to be serious with you. Please take my advice and try to make him stop drinking. It's always sad to see a woman stuck with a man who abuses her, and she doesn't think she can get any one else. Trust me you can there are plenty of guys out there who would treat you better. Hope this helps and I hope your situation improves.