What is the strength of a good marraige?

Question

My husband is six years younger than me and I have had it with the I am the adult and he isn't. I want to move out of the place we live in and have a better life and he has problems keeping a job. I am going back to college, a mother of three, and work 40 to 52 hours a week and he hardly works 30. Tell me what besides the fact I love him will help me hold on?

Answer 1

I am so sorry, I am just out of a marriage that sounds like the same thing. I was married for almost 18 years. It's a long time to look back. Marriage is a partnership and if one partner is doing all the work then that suggests that the other partner is a taker and has no respect for the other. Don't kill yourself trying to make a marriage work where you are the only one who cares whether it will last or not. I know my husband "said" he wanted it to work but didn't do anything to make it work. Best of luck and remember a leopard doesnt change its spots

Answer 2

You're a mother of three. It's obvious that you should have considered your situation prior to having three children with him. If you leave him...which I think that you are now planning and positioning yourself (i.e. college, job etc) then you will be alienating your children from him. This could be good and/or bad. You have to be the final judge on that. It's also apparent that you have grown-up and he has not...that you would like to have a real man "share the load" and enjoy life with a few material things. All of this is good and the love part wouln't hold water very long...especially when you meet a new, exciting sucessful guy at school or work.

So put him on a "get well" program...tell him the consequences for failure and let him swim or drown with his own knowledge. That way when you leave him you won't have so much guilt about it.

Check out the following website. It's a good website to look at for a "life plan" and a choosing mechanism for everybody. It's aimed at young men but women can extrapolate it's principles for their use as well. It also can give you a "bird's eye" view of a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Good luck

Answer 3

it doesn't seem as if your marriage is on equal terms. Age difference should not make a difference. Was he like this when you were just dating? Then you should have known what was coming in the future. Tell him how you feel. But I am sure you have already. If you have; move out. Then he'll know that you are serious. Do you have the same goals in life? You seem to at least. Good luck in college. I hope it goes well for you with school and your love life.

Answer 4

I have heard that the 4 most important things in a lasting marriage are as follows. Communication, Money, Sex and Communication. Asked why communication was mentioned twice and it was explained that without honest communication then all things will fade over time. Money and sex will come and go in many relationships and people are usually able to get over these obstacles, but without honest communication???? Best of luck to you and your man. Try sitting down with him and explain how you fell. Who knows he may not be aware of how he appears to be immature and the fact that you need help being the adult in the relationship all the time. If necessary you may also want to consider some type of counselling to save your relationship.

Answer 5

That sounds absolutely awful. My husband is 8 yrs. older then me - I did not ever date any younger guys because of that whole immaturity factor. He needs to grow up AND FAST! Your unconditional love for him is going to be conditional in no time at all. He shouldn't have problems keeping jobs and he should be working at least 60 hrs. a week. My husband makes more money then I do and I prefer it that way. I put in my 40 hrs. and I'm done. He works about 60. Love alone will not save you....you need to consider a divorce because you and your children deserve so much more.

Answer 6

Communication is the key. Talk to him and find out his dreams too maybe he has the same dreams/goals but has a different idea on how to get there. Maybe he is as frustrated as you are but doesn't know how to say it. It is easy to say I want a better life but what PLAN do you have to get it? Work on one together (through OPEN communication and not recrimination) and you should be able to do it. If neccessary have a trusted third party (Clergy perhaps) help with the impasses.

Answer 7

That is about it. He needs to step up and be a man. He is abusing the fact that you are older. He should want the best possible life for the both of you and if he doesn't help achieve that, then maybe it is time you move on.

Answer 8

Love is over rated in situation like this. If you don't have happiness as a base of the relationship, then the love part isn't love, its familiarity. You're used to him and his ways. Could u finacially make it w/o him?

Get a paper and pen and write out the pros and cons of you staying together then make a decision and stick with it.

Answer 9

The strength of a good marriage is communication... you need to tell your husband how he feels and if he isn't willing to start doing his share to make your's and your children's life better than I'm afraid there isn't much hope... you need to do what is best for you and your children. Trust me I am married to a man 12 years my senior and I realize now after 3 years of marriage all he truly wanted was a motherfigure to take care of him.... a man who isn't willing to to put his all into his relationship and taking care of his children isn't worth holding on to... empower yourself!!!!

Answer 10

If the duties are too much for you than hand them off to him.. On the first day of the month hand him the bills and tell him to pay them.. Tell him you are only going to work for 30hrs per weak. Tell him you love him, tell him he is the man, and head of the household, and tell him you trust in his choices... Tell him you can see that you have been wrong in allowing your relationship to develop to the point where you are the boss and that you want to change it...