help my husband quit smoking before married and started again?

Question

Help I do not know what to do the, man I have been with for years has started smoking again. Keep in mind that when I married him he had quit already for a long time. And I know I can't change someone or force him to quit. I asked him to quit a year ago because of the fact that the first death that I had experienced in my life was watching my grandfather slowly die in the hospital due to cancer. I have painful images that i could discribe that tor through me but I do not want to think too much about it. But put it this way I felt sorry for the man. I have not experienced any deaths except for my grandfather and now my grandmother due to cancer as well. And now possibly my mother. My family is close and each death due to cancer really hit home, especially seeing them getting closer to death every day. I had explained this to my husband that I do not want to see him like that ever, atleast if he quit it would make a smaller chance. He did and now he started again and it hurts me.

okay i have tried speaking with him. He says he started again because he likes it. Which makes no sense to me. And i want to be clear that I do not nag him or make him feel gulity. I had explained the cancer thing a longtime ago. the only thing I do is oddly remind him that it is not good for his health. i strongly feel that smoking is like a slow form of suicide and I believe there is nothing wrong with trying to convince someone to become healthy and life a long happy life. So i don't understand when people say "its his choice, let him" Would you let a person shoot a gun in their head? This may be a tad harsh of an example but it is along the same lines, except smoking prolongs it. I just want him to be with me and our future kids and I don't want my kids to see their daddy ill and have to watch him die without control. When he has control of his future and can atleast not attribute to it. Once again though, I do not nag or get mad i just try to talk with him

Answer 1

Ex-smokers relapse, and become former ex-smokers. It happens. I know. I finally quit smoking 2-1/2 years ago. I had started in the mid or late 1970's. I had quit several times for up to a year at a go.

Your comments, particularly your added ones, read like someone who has never been a smoker before. You don't get it. Nothing you say to him is going to make him stop or even really want to stop.

In spite of what he says, he doesn't smoke because he enjoys it - he smokes because he is an addict.

It also doesn't matter why he started again - whatever triggered it is in the past, and he is just an addict again.

You have asked him directly to quit, and he hasn't. He won't on that basis. There is nothing you can say or do that will make him stop smoking. Recognizing that will make both your lives easier.

You may think you are not nagging him, but if you keep bringing up the subject, he will start resenting it - he probably already does. That is not going to help matters reach any sort of positive resolution.

He has quit in the past - quite likely he will quit again (or try, at least), but only when he is ready to do so.

Either accept that you are married to a smoker, or not. If you can accept that he is a smoker, then you can do things like set rules - no smoking in the house, no smoking in your car or in the car with you, etc. There is no reason he shouldn't conform to those (I didn't smoke inside my own house for the last 12-15 years that I smoked).

If you can't accept it, then tell him you don't want to be married to a smoker anymore.

I am sure this isn't what you want to read, but as an ex-smoker I can't offer much else than this.

Answer 2

Natural Quit Smoking Magic

Answer 3

Your reasons for him quitting will not help him to quit. He probably wants to but hearing that stuff will make him smoke more. Nagging isn't the answer. Talk to him and see if he's ready without pouring on the guilt. He may want to but is so tired of hearing what you have to say. You can help him decide if he wants the quit smoking gum pills or patches. I know because I have smoked and quitted and people like you don't help. People who offer various ways to help are much better. You have to be very patient when he tries because stress can make you start up very easy. Alcohol can also make you want one more than anything else.

Answer 4

I'll bet it does, that must be extremely frustrating to watch. Can you think of something that has happened recently that would cause him to start up again? A big change in your lives, a death, etc? That may be the only way he has to cope with things. So even more, you need to be there for him. Perhaps you need to let him now how it hurts you to see this. He may not care for his own health anymore, but if he loves you, he will want to take care of his health for you. Tell him how you feel, and maybe go to the store together and pick out a stop-smoking product. Be his helper in this and don't forget to tell him you love him. Be the wife that he'll want to quit smoking for!!! Good luck and God bless :)

Answer 5

Well he didnt do it to hurt you. He started again because of him, not you.

There's not much you can do and constant reminders and nagging will only make the situation worse.

You obviously love him, so be there for him..... and when he's ready....he will quit.

Answer 6

I think he is very very very STRESS. Talk to him now asap to find out why he is Stress and what made him start smoking. Just hear what he has to say. All I know that he must been Stress out bad.

SO, find out. let me know what happen?

Answer 7

Hypnosis is the key...

http://www.hypnoticmp3.com/smoking.htm

It's a cheesy mp3 off the internet, personaly I'd suggest seeing a professional, but if this works for you, do it.