Can anyone reassure me?

Question

I have never planned to have babies, but am now with a lovely man who wants to have some some day, so I am trying to consider the possibility with an open mind.

I can't get the hideous thought of being ill for 9 months and then in agony for days and having my private bits all torn up and stiched back together. Its like knowing that one day I'm going to be tortured and screaming and that I'll have to face it.

I'm just going mental about this, I can't stop thinking about it even though it wouldn't happen for years. I don't even enjoy sex so much any more because I know that one day my 'bits' will be ripped up and I can't get the image out of my head. What do other women do when facing this nightmare? How do you all cope?

Answer 1

It's not a pleasant thought, but if this is what you're main focus is, you shouldn't have children.
If you can't get past the thought of yourself and what happens to YOU in nine months rather than the child you're bearing, don't do it.
Lovely man or not, you shouldn't have a child to please someone else.

Answer 2

To many TV/film drama's make pregnancy and labour look awful. There is no reason why you should feel ill for 9mths. You may experience some morning sickness in the first 3 mths but then you may not. The middle 3 mths are normally plain sailing .The last 3 mths can have complications like backache and piles but you may not. Labour may be painful but it may not. We are all different and what one person suffers another may not. There are many good analgesic drugs that can help, so you do not have to be in pain. All I can tell you is that once you have delivered and you hold that little bundle of life in your arms any pain is immediately forgotton. Don't be put off by other people's horror stories. For every horror story there are dozens of happy ones. As for not enjoying sex now for thinking about your 'bits' being ripped up. Heck, the most enjoyable part is the sex when making a baby. Anyway 'bit's soon recover and sex is just as good if not better after. Worry about pregnancy when it happens, not now. Enjoy yourself and experience the full joy of a loving relationship.

Answer 3

The way you make it sound I wouldn't want to do it either and I have three kids! :) It's not that bad. There are some good points to being preggy too. For example, you can eat whatever you want, your man has to wait on you, you can get euphoric (I actually had this with my son I was sooooo happy for about a year after having him, I went through a divorce and never shed a tear, it was great, the baby not the divorce :) As for ripping yourself up you may but I got stitches with my first two children and you can't really feel it and it goes away quickly. It shouldn't stop you from having sex people have been giving birth for millions of years and if it was that bad no one would ever do it more than once. BTW I never had any drugs when I was giving birth to any of the children, if I can do it without drugs imagine how easy it could be with an epidural!!

Answer 4

well look at it this way, i "planned" to have atleast 2 children of my own, i have 1 gorgeous son and have had alot of miscarriages - I'm sure i speak for everyone who's had such losses and for those trying to conceive that dont take the gift you were given as a woman for granted, speak to a councilor so u can enjoy beautiful journey so many yearn for. I'm am blessed to have my little boy, he is 2 and just makes everything worthwhile, top that with an excellant partner (which you say you have aswell) and yeah - I'm thankful for what i do have.
nothing in life ever really goes to plan, you have a great partner - enjoy life, but dont feel pressured if u really dont want to.

as for the other "physical" bits - well the older you get the harder and longer you body has to work to get back in shape, the skin is more likely to go back to normal for lets say a 25 yr old than a 35 yr old. and not everyone tears, and given time to heal your private bits will return to normal - i mean i know a heap of people that have had fallen preg within a year of birth, obviously there hubbies enjoyed it if u get my drift. and last but not least - how many woman do you not go back for a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th round of child birth! and i bet they all say the same thing...its so worth it!

and u dont want a c-section...my friend had a baby 1 month after me and because i had a 3 day labour, which was tiring but not as painful as i thought, i had an emergancy ceaser... she was over her labour before i was. very painful, but still i went on trying to have more and have had 2 more pregnancies after he was born.

anyways good luck and i hope you make the decision thats right for you. but remember what i said, Its all worth it
(i should also mention my figure is now exactly the same aside from barely noticable stretchmarks, i dont exersize or diet - never did either, and i had my son under 25...)

Answer 5

From someone whose had four children - the baby is worth it!
You might never be sick (many women aren't). Your private bits probably won't be torn up and stitched back together. You won't be tortued and screaming - there's such a thing as an epidural. If you're going to scream, scream: Drugs! I want them now! But I do know women who had a backache during labour and didn't need drugs at all. Many women don't.
I'm a great believer in not looking too closely at the pictures in books, etc etc. I don't want to know. It's an experience and there are lots of equally unpleasant things you will face in yhour life (driving tests!) but not one that will be as rewarding. Go on, fall pregnant as soon as possible and start enjoying sex again. (That's true by the way, once the stress is over, you can start to relax again!)

Answer 6

you poor thing, but you have totally the wrong idea about what it is to be pregnant and in labour, Im not going to lie and say it doesnt hurt because it is very painful(Im talking from experience).But the joy you experience when you hold your child for the first time outweighs any pain you will ever experience.
I had an incredibly quick labour, so the pain increased very suddenly, causing me to go into shock because I wasnt expecting it so rapidly.I fell out of the birthing pool on the supposdly non slip stairs and damaged my back, but even after all this when I saw my son for the first time I would have gladly done it a hundred times over.He was and is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me and I would never turn back the clock for a single second-yeah it hurts, yeah being pregnant can give you backache and its wierd being so much fatter than normal, yeah the sleepless nights get you down after a while...but being a mother, having a baby to love and cuddle and protect is just so wonderful that it makes everything else all worthwhile.
Only do it if you are 100% sure because it wouldnt be fair on the child, but try to look at it positivly rather than so full of fear as you are doing at the moment.Good luck.
Ps not every woman tears, so try not to worry x

Answer 7

All of the suffering you will endure during your pregnancy and delivery will all be erased when you have your newborn in your arms right after you give birth! Besides, if you don't really care having your privates "all torn up and sewn back together", you can opt for a Caesarian section delivery. However, this will limit the number of future pregnancies you can have. Focus more on what you'll get in the end and just face the minor inconveniences one day at a time thinking that all prospective mothers will have to experience the same thing. It's your right of passage to being a mother. Good luck!

Answer 8

Millions and millions of woman have babies and although there are some uncomfortable moments, with some pain at the birth… it’s is a very small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness with a child of your own. Forget the few months of discomfort; what you need to think about is whether or not you can live up to the responsibility of having a child… are you ready to put aside your wants and desires to make a commitment to the child’s upbringing and well being. A child is a far bigger commitment than marriage… if for some reason it doesn’t work out with this guy and you have a child you will have to have the guy as a part of your life forever because of the child. If you do get pregnant and decide to have a child, PLEASE understand the child’s well being is first priority over everything else.

Answer 9

As almost everyone else has said pregnancy isn't as bad as you think it is. Of course every pregnancy is different. Very few people are actually sick for the entire nine months. Also don't forget that there is pain medication at the hospital. I had a 10 pound baby with nothing but Demerol and yes there was some pain, but to be honest with you, you forget it almost as soon as the baby is born.
If none of these answers help you and you are still feeling uneasy about having a baby, there is always adoption. No pain in that. And some wonderful baby will get a home.

Answer 10

Although you are sometimes sick at the beginning of your pregnancy, most women do not stay sick their whole pregnancy. As long as you eat right, exercise, listen to your doctor, etc., it can be a wonderful time. You feel very alive and happy. You feel the life of your baby growing inside you and you know that it needs you. If you are terrified of giving birth, plan on getting an epidural, which numbs all of the pain, you really don't feel anything but a little pressure. And as far as getting your bits ripped apart I have no idea what you mean. I was only 100 lbs when I got pregnant, gained 20lbs with the baby and never got ripped apart, you are made to stretch down there. Women are made to have babies, because we all know if men had to do it we would be extinct. I have three beautiful children that are my life. and my pregnancies with them are some of the happiest times of my life. It is a sacrifice to have children, but it is well worth it. If you are having these kinds of thoughts and feelings it is probably best for you to wait.

Answer 11

First ? to ask yourself is do I like children. Do I have what it takes to be a mother? I'm sure you do.

Not everyone is ill for the whole 9 months. I'm expecting my latest in less than 2 months and never had a single symptom. Don't get me wrong, pregnancy can be uncomfortable sometimes. It's possible you'd have a great time of it and an easy labor / delivery. Having a supportive and loving man and caring family can make it enjoyable.

If you're going to deliver with a doc or midwife, find one that's very compatible to you and hubby. I had my last one without medication, wasn't torn to bits, no stitches and felt brilliant afterward.