I have a problem with my motherinlaw and hubbyMy mum-inlaw still calls everyday and still wants to be in contr

Question

well I have been with this man 9yrs and been married for 6months,My mother inlaw calls everydasy and my hubby thinks its ok,I dont think it is.I think this is not good for the marriage because she wants to know everything going on.This i have noticed makes me and my hubby fight longer.she serves as a good substitute,since he has another woman to talk to when we have issues,and with this he is never in a hurry to make up .I feel like the 3rd person and the second woman in his life.She calls to discuss relevant and irrelevant issues.What makes this worse its the fact that she would rather talk to him than the other kids or even her husband whom she complains about too often.I feel the man is a good man but lacks enough attention.I really do not know what to do especially as I feel my hubby has started discussing our issues and misunderstanding with her.Please advice.....

Well thanks so far.I have talked to him about itok,but he does not understand why I should have a problem.It gets to me alot this days and it makes me feel funny towards him like the way I feel is not as important.Sometimes we have an argument and we dont talk or he is moody then the mum calls and then he is ok.I told the mum recently when she caled and was like "I wanted to say hello to you,so u dont get jealous"And I was like well I am getting there cause you call to just talk to ur son.My hubby was like you have ur mum too jockingly and I was like well we are married now and have become one.The mum went on to say well i have told him he is now married and I cant call him as often,pushing it on the son to feel better.I just said well just hold on for him.He quickly tried to console the mum.I am tired and dont know when this will stop.she is so used to him and does not want to let go.I dont want the love I have for him to start diminishing with the way am feeling .

Answer 1

It's simple, he needs to cut the aprin strings. Having a good relation ship with your mother is a good thing, but at that level it's detromental to your marrige. He will never be able to grow in the marrige as long as he has his mommy there to console him everytime after a fight. Tell him that you love his mother and that you love the idea of him talking to her, but not that often and not about every detail of your life together. When you two got married, each of you were supposed to seperate from your parents and become one together, it sounds like he's not holding up to his end of the bargin. If this was a common practice before you were married, it logical that it would contue after but know that your married, he has a responsablity to you that out weighs any other obligation he has to anyone else. That shouldn't mean he has to give up who he is or what he does but it dose mean that he has to respect, your desires, opinions, and needs before any other person. Talk to him about it, how you feel and how it makes you feel when he shares all your private details with his mother. Don't tell him to stop talking to her all together but ask him to cut back on the time and frequency of these talks and to watch his subject matter, so that you to can work on things together and become closer to eachother.

Answer 2

This situation sounds a lot like that show, Everybody Loves Raymond!!!!! I really don't under stand why she would be doing this, and why he is allowing her too! Once you become a man and begin your own family, the mother is suppose to stand aside! She might have been the only woman in his life for a long time because she is his mother! But now he has you in his life,and you can fulfill plenty more of his wants & needs than his mother ever could have! The other thing that does not make any since to me is that she had/has a mother-in-law, she should know how it feels when the mother tries to overpower her sons wife! I would say that she didn't like it when it was done to her, so why would she be doing it to you? I've learned when I don't like something being done to me, I'm certainly not going to do the same thing to someone else!!!!!
Good Luck, I hope things get better for you!!!!!

Answer 3

You need to be completely honest with your husband about how it makes you feel. Remind him that you are now his primary family and she's not. Let him know you won't be treated like the 2nd woman in his life. My husband's a momma's boy, but he always checks with me to be sure that I'm not feeling slighted because some of the divorces within his family were partly because the spouse felt second rate to the rest of the family. If you're not honest with him (unaccusingly) then he won't be able to fix it.

Answer 4

I know people who have experienced this before out of their husbands who allowed their moms to have so much control in their lives that the man eventually left his wife to move back home with his mom because she participated in destroying his marriage.

Sad to say, some mothers are actually jealous of the relationships their sons have with other woman and they love to be involved in their business so they can break them up and they can have control over their sons by having them do everything they want them to do.

I would have a problem with my spouse discussing my business with his mother to the point she's telling him what to do and causing conflict in our marriage. I suggest your husband
grow up and act like a adult and be thankful that his mother raised him this far now its time to let go of his mothers nest.

I bet you when his mother was choosing a mate she didn't let anyone interfere with that so I suggest your husband take control before his marriage problems spiral out of control.

Answer 5

I know what you mean, its a catch 22 situation, you can't be horrible about it as its his mother and you simply cannot keep quiet about it. I would say its one of those sacrifices we need to make in our marriages. Talk to your hubby, with ease though, perhaps you will come to some compromise.

Good Luck

Answer 6

does hubby work? When my grandmother came around my mum, locked all the doors, turned off thre tv/stereo,put he bolts on hid behind the sofa and stayed quiet and pretended not to be in. I remeber on one occasion I was stood in my parents upstairs bedroom, could see the road ahead - and saw granny coming down the road, so it was panic stations - for my mum and her sister my aunt who was visiting at the time. So my gran in her gruff rough deep voice shouted hello, repeatedly through the letter box, but didint get an answer - but ah - ah, my granny wasnt to be outdone, she had our spare house keys in her house for emergencies- and we had a lot of security locks, and she unlocked them all - but couldnt get in due to the bolts ont he door, my mum and auntie couldnt believe the cheek ont he woman, she then went around to the side door - and got out the keys, I had to crawl like a soldier under snip fire, across the floor and put the botlon on the back door - and as she heard the bolt go across the door in her rough gruff voice, she shouted hello - is there anyone there?! so as I put the bolt across the door, she peered down through the window to see who it was. After about 10-15 mons of her trying to break in via our house keys - she went away, of course granny wasnt stupid - she complained to my dad - her son, and my dad came how declaring that his mother had been down the other day and that she'd heard voices inside! And that she'd tried the keys!!!!! but couldnt open the door!!!!!!!!!! So my mum said she was next door and with her being old shed probably got confunsed as to how to use the keys, but we definitely werent in and had just popped next door and it was then that she'd called. Id like to tell you that this isbnt a true event - but it is and there were other moments like this - you could try this and try to keep a staight face while explaing to your husband that? The thing was I visited granny on a sunday and I had to lie to her and keep a straight face that we werent in and that she'd imagined the whole thing and if I didnt want to see her, why would I be there on a sunday? Failing that put the house up for sale and move, tell your mother in law where to gohow to do it - I wouldnt put up with it, Id oput the witch straight, and tell her to make sure the front door dodnt bang her butt on the way out - let me know how you get on

Answer 7

i think tat women is a good friend for him, i think u r irritating him a lot so he is taking her help to relax his mind, so u start asking about his feelings and change according to him. coming towards ur mum_in law u just avoid her and indirectly warn ur mum in law but tell tat ur hubby and dont give chance to ur hubby to share ur family secrets to others

Answer 8

tell hiz mom 2 leave yall da **** alon n if ur hub haz a prob. wit it 4get dat *****! find ur self a man not a mamasboi

Answer 9

I dont' have a life so I'll bother hers.