Could you raise a child conceived by a spouse's infidelity?

Question

Don't just answer willy nilly here. Really think about this! Be honest with yourself and me. Thanks.

For men-if your wife cheated and conceived a baby that was the other man's but you decided to work out your marriage-could you raise the child as your own?

For women-if your husband cheated and the other woman conceived a child, would you be willing to be a Step-Mom to the child and help raise it if you wanted your marriage to work
OR
how would you feel if your husband's girlfriend had a baby and he didn't want to see the other child?

Answer 1

I believe I could...this is me saying that, having never been in that situation...the baby would be innocent...how could you not love and care for a child? To me, that baby would become MINE!...

Answer 2

I have thought about this before because I know a few people who are in this situation. Personally, I don't think that I could. My pride would not allow it. I am divorced and it's bad enough when your husband cheats but to have a child with someone else is permanent. When I was married and fully aware that my husband was seeing another woman, I held out hope that he would come to his senses and realize that he had a wife and 2 daughters that loved him. I knew that he loved our children and that he and I had a bond that couldn't be broken as parents. He was in the delivery room with me when our daughter was born. The thought of him sharing that with another woman and then asking me to help raise the product of his infidelity would be too much. I could never mistreat a child so I would not subject that innocent child to my bitterness due to my hurt and betrayal. If my husband's girlfriend had a child and he didn't want to see the child, I still would have to end our marriage. His nonchalance towards his own flesh and blood would signify that he has no honor and no conscious. His selfishness would be evident. A man or woman who would destroy his family and the life of an blameless child is a self-centered piece of crap.

Answer 3

Of course. It might not be easy at first but the child is the innocent victim of it all along with the spouse that has been hurt by the infidelity. When you feel confident and secure that your husband is not going anywhere, that is what counts in the end. Sex alone, is just an act and really not that big of a deal if you think about it. Men are genetically inclined to stray to many different woman. The relationship as a whole, with the man is what really counts in the end. Love the child as your own.

Answer 4

Tough question! The way I look at it, it's not the childs fault he/she was born. They are basically a clean slate. I would (hopefully) be enlightened enough to treat the child as my own. Since you would be raising this kid from the moment of birth, it would make things easier in the short term, but then you would have alot of questions to possibly answer when the child gets older.
The hard part is that in the back of your mind, that child will always represent the moment of infidelity in your marriage. It takes a strong will to look past that and see only the child who is truly innocent. One way to help cope with this, is to see you from the child's point of view. To her/him you are the only father figure that the child has known. The child wouldn't understand why you chose to hold your love back, until maybe much later when he/she finds out the truth.
I have a little knowledge in this, as I was that child, though my mother was already pregnant when she decided to marry my father. (A sort of marriage of convenience.) My dad always resented the fact that I wasn't his real child. My mother didn't cheat on him, but that didn't make a difference. I hope if I'm ever confronted with this problem, that I can become the man I always hoped to find in my own father.

Answer 5

I believe it would be a very difficult but noble thing to do. I feel like it is something I would do for the child more than the person who cheated on me. I know the baby would be a constant reminder of her infidelity and she would have to work hard to earn trust. It would also depend on how much I loved the lady I am married to. You see I truly believe marriage is still for better or worse unless people are being constantly physically or mentally abused. There is nothing like the innocent love of a child-- it has it's own reward. I also believe as the child gets older and he or she knows what has happened (and surely your sins will find you out) the child will greatly appreciate this completely selfless act of love

Answer 6

In the first place they shouldn't be having a child. Theirs is a illicit relationship and no child should spring from it. If the woman finds that she is pregnant, she should abort it. If she is stubborn and want to keep it, she should be the one responsible for it......financially etc. The wife should not accept the child and should not allow the husband to even pay for the child's upbringing or to see the child. The lover is not his wife and therefore the child is not his in name. In most cases it is the woman who wants to keep the baby against the wishes of the man. So she should bear the burden completely. There should be a law whereby any pregnancy out of wedlock should be terminated.

Answer 7

I had an affair with a man 20 years ago and I had his child. I was married at the time and my then husband loved me so much that when I told him about the other man he told me to go to him and make sure I reaaly loved him,I went to the other man and told him I was with child and he too was very happy. It was one of the most difficult things in my life, to stay or to go. I stayed with my husband and he loved this child as if it were his own till he passed away last year. The child loved his daddy with all his heart and still conciders him his Dad. I resently contacted his biological father and soon the 2 will meet. It is possible to love a child who is not your own blood, I watched it for 20 years. Its not the child, it is the heart behind the man.

Answer 8

It really depends on how much REAL love you have for your partner, i personally don't know if i could , and that is the truth, i love my wife very much, but if she cheated on me and got pregnant, well i don't know, if the father was a once off sort of drunken state fling maybe i could if she was raped i would love the child like my own, but if the affair was going on for some time behind my back and the other guy bolted when he found out he was going to be a dad then no i couldn't. too many angles to look at , it's all depends on the terms of the cheating , this is a answer only you should give yourself!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I wouldnt for sure.

If the other women has the ability to get herself conceived with a man who is not hers, she will have the ability to raise her own child and this IS HER responsibilty, not mine. Furthermore, to answer your last question, I wouldnt force my husband if he does not want to see the other child. The other woman should just accept the child as a gift from him and nothing more than that.

Yes, I may want to work things out between me and my husband but that does not mean I want to make things out between me and the other woman. Period!

Answer 10

Those are questions for thought. My answer would be yes, I would never turn away from a child.
as for the last question, I would insist he make the baby a part of his life, he must take responsiblity for this child, These answers sound simple, but I know the results, both situations happened in our family,

Answer 11

If a man decided to maintain the marriage obviously he would have to raise the child. You can take on without the other. Its amazing whay people can do