any one know any good jokes?

Answer 1

Dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

Answer 2

Tape Worm


A fellow walked into his doctor's office complaining that
he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical
examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with
the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And
bring a banana and a cookie with you." said the doctor.

Despite the seemingly odd request, our hero complied and
returned the next day with a banana and a cookie.

The doctor then said, "Okay, now drop your pants and bend over.
This is going to hurt a bit."

Although stunned by the turn of events, the patient dropped
his pants and bent over. The doctor peeled the banana and
with one deft motion rammed it up the guy's ***. While the
doctor consulted his watch, our hero danced around the room
shouting at the doctor.

"Okay, one minute is up and we have to complete the second
part of the treatment if you truly want to get rid of this
tapeworm." advised the doctor.

Despite the pain, the patient did want to be cured and so
complied with the order to bend over again. Again, the doctor
took the cookie and rammed it up the patient's ***.

"Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time, and
bring another banana and a cookie." said the doctor. The now
humbled patient, with tears of pain in his eyes, nodded his
head.

The next day, the same routine ensued. First the doctor rammed
up a banana, waited exactly one minute, then rammed up the
cookie. And the next day, and the next day and the next...
Every day up went a banana, waited one minute, then up went
the cookie.

After one full week of treatment, the doctor finally said,
"Well, tomorrow is the LAST day of treatment. I want you to
bring in a banana and a hammer."

"Not a cookie?" asked the very frightened patient, trying to
imagine what a hammer was going to feel like.

"Nope, a hammer." confirmed the doctor.

On the last day, the doctor said, "Okay, you know the routine".
So the man dropped his pants and bent over. UP went the banana,
and the doctor looked at his watch and picked up the hammer.
One minute passed. Then two minutes. Three. Four minutes passed.

Finally, the worm's little head poked out of the patient's ***.

"WHERE'S MY COOKIE???"

**WHAM**

Answer 3

A German family went shopping to the mall, their little boy picked up an England football shirt and announced he was going to support England and wanted the shirt for his birthday, on hearing this his older sister hit him across the head and told him to go and see his mum,
He went and told his mum the same story and she hit him around the head twice and told him to go and see his father.
He went and told his father the same story and he hit him around the head four times and told him he never wanted to hear him say anything like it again.
1 hour later they were in the car driving home, the father turned to his son and said, I hope you have learned a valuable lesson today son, and the boy said yes I have, what have you learnt son? said dad.
The boy retorted with I have only been suppprorting England for an hour and already I hate you fu**ing germans!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

john invited his mother over to dinner.

During the meal, his mother couldnt help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was.

during the course of the evening she started to wonder if there was more between john and the housekeeper than met the eye.

reading his mums thoughts, john volunteered, "i know what you must be thinking, but i assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional ".

about a week later, the housekeeper came to john and said, "ever since your mother came to dinner, ive been unable to find the silver gravy ladle, you dont suppose your mother took it do you? ".

john said "well i doubt it, but ill write her a letter just to be sure ".

so he sat down and wrote:

dear mother
im not saying you 'did' take the gravy ladle and im not saying you 'didn't' take the gravy ladle from my house, but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you came to dinner.
love john

several days later, john recieved a letter from his mother which said :

dear son,
im not saying that you 'do ' sleep with your housekeeper and im not saying you 'dont' sleep with your housekeeper. but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
love mum.

Answer 5

The tax man visits the rabbi.

The tax man says to the rabbi - I see that you use a lot of candles here. What do you do with the drippings?

Well, says the rabbi, we save them all up and every so often we send them to the candle company and they send us a box of candles free of charge.

So, the tax man says - I see that you use a lot of matzo - what do you do with the crumbs?

Well, says the rabbi, we save them all up and every so often we send them to the matzo company and they send us a box of matzo free of charge.

The tax man was getting a bit upset with these practical answers, so he asked - You must do a lot of circumcisions here - what do you do with all the foreskins?

Well, says the rabbi - we collect them up and send them to the Inland Revenue - and once a year they send us a complete dick.

Answer 6

No, not really but I do have a funny poem if you just wanted a laugh?
Here goes......

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Tried to crap, but only farted,
So today I took a chance,
Tried to fart, and crapped my pants!

Well there you go, enjoy!

Answer 7

Q. Why was the washing machine laughing?
A. Coz it was taking the piss out of the knickers!!

Answer 8

A canibal goes on holiday,he sees his mate when he gets back,he asks him did he enjoy his holiday,ythe canibal says it was great,his mate asks him why he only has one leg,he says
I WENT SELF CATERING boom! boom!

Answer 9

look at my 360 page theres a couple on there

Answer 10

today Bush and Osama going to celebrate Friendship Day together..