What do you do with a husband you just want to disappear for good?

Question

I can't avail of divorce because we're financially strapped for cash. Neither can I get an annullment. I just want him to vanish from the face of the earth and give me some peace and quiet. I don't love him anymore either but he doesn't want to move out of the house because he's so scared of what his family will say about any separation. He tells his parents I'm such a lousy wife but when they asked him why he stays, he said it was for the kids. The children don't like him either because he neglects us and makes me cry all the time. I just want him to vanish. Does that make me a bad person? I work, I share in the expenses of the home. He pays for everything but curses us for being "expenses" in his life. My daughter once asked for a few cents to buy ice cream and he shouted at her but he affords himself $100s worth of whey protein mixes. I want to put something in them to make him suffer for what he does to my children.

Answer 1

There seems be alot of hatred & misunderstanding going on & building up day by day. Money constraints can be very frustrating, esp. for men, in general. Because men, by nature, want to provide for the family & provide the best if they could. If they couldn't, they will feel very bad about themselves & hide it with lots of anger & frustration, making them look lousy & unthoughtful.

Choose a good time to talk to him & discuss what's best for both of you and the kids. Not when he's throwing tantrums. He could be stressed at work or what, especially when strapped for cash. He's very moody & down. Don't irritate him further. Let him find some peace & quiet to "find" himself.

Motivate him, encourage him, not just for him or yourself, but also for the kids. I'm sure this way he won't complain that you're a lousy wife. No matter how hurtful he has been, I don't think he meant it. Remember... Men try to be harsh / hard / strong to cover their weakness. They do not wish to be seen weak / useless. Or else they feel even frustrated / angry / upset / moody / lousy / violent.

Be strong for yourself, for him & for the kids. Try to make it work. If it's money problem, focus on resolving it with him. His refusal to leave could be he really can't bear to leave you & the kids.

Meanwhile, you need all the emotional support you need to go through this. Get your emotional support system ready. Comfort your kids. And explain to them nicely, if neccessary. Because kids may misunderstand that they are the ones that cause both of you to quarrel. You've to control your emotions even though the situation is tense. If he's harsh to the kids, take a deep breath, hold yourself together & tell him nicely, "Don't be harsh on them. They're only kids. They're our kids."

If all else fails, it's best to go seperate ways and not live to regret it, as you've tried your best & give your best shot before seperating.

Answer 2

Don't kill him please. The kids might go to his parents! At least they will see your kids far more than you will if you're in prison.

Can't you do something to make his life miserable and drive him out of the house? You're his wife so you must know what he can't stand. I would do that - all the time!

You say he's scared of what his family will say about a separation. I sincerely doubt that. It sounds more like he likes having someone around to be mean to and take out all his frustrations on. You and your children are being abused (psychologically) and you really need to get away from him for both your sake and for the sake of your kids.

You can sue him for divorce. Keep track of all the things he says and does, what he spends money on, etc for when you sue him for spousal & child support.

If he can afford $100 whey protein mixes, you're not that bad off. He will have to pay child support anyway and won't be able to afford those anymore - haha. Then go buy your daughter some ice cream.

Answer 3

Life is short! One day you are going to wake up and say (I am how old?) Get out of there into an apartment or trailer you can afford by yourself. If you can afford the house put him out and get a peace bond to keep him away. Mental abuse is worse than physical sometimes. You need to do it for the kids! I have been there and what they learn is how to except disfunction in their lives. You are strapped now so what is the difference if you move out and are still strapped? The child support he will have to pay will get you throu and just think how happy you would be.

Answer 4

If you have any friends or family, ask them to loan you money for a divorce b/c that's the only way you and your children will be happy. With spousal support and child support, your kids won't need to beg for change for ice cream and you won't have to watch him chug $100's of dollars that should be going towards your children b/c it will go to your kids then. If you're strapped for cash and he's drinking your money away in the form of protein mixes, that shows who he cares about most---himself. Borrow the money and get a divorce.

Answer 5

OMG when you said he said no to his daughter but he could afford $100 if whey protien mixes.......that was my life with my X.
I stayed with him too long. I stayed for the kids and it ended up hurting the kids more than I can ever imagine.Hurt them so deeply I can't begin to tell youo.

I couldn't afford to leave either. I finally got a part time job and saved money. My kids were all over 18. I didn't just leave. I RAN for my sanity and my lfie.

Do what you need to do to make you and the kids safe.

Answer 6

I'm afraid of what you're thinking about doing. Just go about this in a way that you know is right. You have kids. Don't do anything stupid ok? Who cares what his parents will think if you two separate? Tell him it's over. Financial difficulties can put a real strain on things, including separating, but if that's what needs to be done, then so be it. Don't do anything stupid.

Answer 7

enable me assist you already realize it from the different factor of your subject. i'm a woman solder in the US military and on the same time as in iraq we had a brilliant sort of human beings who have been married having "girlfriends." yet we additionally had people who did not cheat or attempt to cheat. needless to say your husband does not have the determination or sufficient recognize so you could be the exception to the guideline and stay dedicated. What happens if he gets stationed someplace and he probable falls in love with a woman and leaves you for them or gets an STD or maybe gets a woman pregnant. yet to answer the question specific i could desire to understand because of STD's and different threat additionally i could desire to understand so i ought to go away. I understand your dilemma it is a few thing many militia better halves face. yet no person is nicely worth my wellness or my sanity you have sufficient to rigidity approximately on the same time as they're long gone and you're meant to be dedicated and he can not provide you the same recognize. I wish you good fortune on your determination and want you already know how plenty extra useful you deserve. have self assurance me when I say there are dedicated militia adult males so his excuse that anybody grew to become into doing isn't sturdy sufficient!!

Answer 8

Go to the local health and welfare and talk to a case worker. They may be able to help you get on your feet without your loser husband, and may even be able to hook you up with a cheap lawyer (think about it hon, you have a lawyer, and he can't afford one w/out sacrificing his precious protein shakes.)
Getting help from the state for awhile is SOOOOO much better for your babies than to be around a destructive person, and your kids may be scarred from seeing their daddy be such an a.ss and making you cry. Be a good role model for your kids and show them it is NOT ok for a man to treat any woman this way, especially if he is supposed to love her.

Answer 9

Look around at the single women you know or have crossed paths with, if you cannot afford divorce look for one with money, invite her over "for coffee" when you know he will be there -- I hope they don't add cheating to the list -- but my point is try to fix he with another women who might think the world of him and maybe he will skip a $100 worth of whey protein mixes or twenty to be with her.
If he is home with nothing to do but bug you, send him to the strip joint, I call it 'day care for men' (or night care).

Answer 10

Going to prison won't be a good way to care for your children. Go to a divorce lawyer. The consultation is free and they'll let you know how much you need to start proceedings. It won't be much at all. Plus it can even be part of the divorce that he needs to pay for your lawyer.