My husband and I met 17 years ago. We decided to move in together after we found out that I was pregnant with my first child and got married many years after our third child was born, mainly because "it was just the right thing to do". He never respected me as his wife and mother of his children. I always felt as if I was last in his list of priorities, he was selfish and didn’t care how I felt. After a while I got tired of feeling left out and met someone else, while I was still married. We got divorced two years after we got married and two years after our divorced we decided to get back together. I guess we both were lonely and felt that we had gone thru too much together to give everything up. Our relationship is not going well and I wonder if it’s because I cheated. Will he ever trust me again? Am I doing the right thing by staying with him? What should I do?
2006-08-05 20:44:03 · 18 answers · asked by Calis_Shygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You guys are in a co-dependent relationship. It's not healthy. I wouldn't be worried about him trusting you again. You say he never respected you as his wife and mother of his children anyways, so that's a more important issue. You probably would be better off on your own because neither of you is getting what you want out of this relationship. Staying because of a history instead of actual love and respect isn't fair to either of you.
2006-08-05 20:49:01 · answer #1 · answered by mytreacheryiseternal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure your husband does not trust you and he never will. The point is does he need to? Your relationship is more out of desperation that actual affection as you yourself said that you were both lonely and that is why you got together. SO let it continue like this because it is never going to be the same again. DOn't try too hard and make the most out of it
2006-08-05 20:53:14 · answer #2 · answered by fyodr1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...
You ever see that sign for the lost dog? One eye, three legs, no balls, goes by the name Lucky! We'd really like lucky back. Lucky is the best thing we ever had, man we miss Lucky.
Maybe after a couple of month of missing lucky you met a nice dog, something nice, four legs, two eyes, fully functional ..... Doesn't shed too much or constantly bark at you... Ya know what I mean, maybe if you found something you loved and loved you back as much that you'd look back at lucky some day and wonder why you didn't put the poor thing down years ago?
Just a thought...
-Rob
2006-08-05 20:58:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him. If you were honest with him about cheating and why (and you ended up leaving him instead of continuing to do it behind his back) then he should still trust you, unless he is insecure. He should not have gotten back together with you if he didn't trust you. If things are not going well but you love each other, I suggest you get counseling. This will help each of you to work on your issues and also teach you how to communicate better about the problems you are having. If you do not love each other, don't stay with each other just because you are lonely. If that is the case, of course things are not going well.
2006-08-05 20:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by Erin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will likely be receiving extra critiques than you are competent to digest. But you, and handiest YOU, have to do what you head tells you to do. Forget the gnawing at your heartstrings. Because this might good result in viable heartbreak for you down the street. When believe is threatened it does now not subject WHEN it happens. But as a substitute the entire tale in the back of his movements. He can let you know something to appease your ideas. However, all of his movements (now not handiest his phrases) will display his precise aspect. It's inconceivable to feel your loved one, and concept adored YOU, might EVER potentially harm you on this approach. I want you luck in making the very pleasant choice for YOU. BEFORE your kids start to reach. I understand the sensation. I've been there.....♥♥
2016-08-20 23:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by shannonhouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do not blame yourself for having the affair. If he was not treating you right and never had any respect for you, in my opinion you were justified to have another man.
Personally, I think that you need to end the relationship, with what he has put you through, it does not sound like what you two had gone through together was a pleasant ordeal. Why would you want to hang on to that. Your happiness should come first and you should not have to sacrifice your life by staying with him.
2006-08-06 00:32:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to be receiving more opinions than you are equipped to digest. But you, and only YOU, have got to do what you head tells you to do. Disregard the gnawing at your heartstrings. Considering that this could well lead to possible heartbreak for you down the street. When believe is threatened it does now not topic WHEN it happens. However rather the entire story at the back of his moves. He can let you know some thing to appease your thoughts. However, all of his actions (now not handiest his phrases) will disclose his real facet. It can be unattainable to feel the one you like, and inspiration cherished YOU, might EVER very likely harm you in this approach. I wish you success in making the very excellent selection for YOU. Before your youngsters begin to arrive. I know the feeling. I've been there.....♥♥
2016-08-09 10:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by alisha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes its best to approach difficult problems head on, I think you guys should maybe just sit down and talk it out, see if you want to work at the relationship and start over from scratch, find out what made you guys 'click' 17 years ago and build on that. Cheating isn't a good thing but it happens unfortuntely, its best to either move on or start to fix the rift. Good Luck!
2006-08-09 11:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by cbatb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to earn his trust all over again...Just be the good wife and hopefully things will start changing for the better...Sounds like you have been thru alot to lose it all...But you need to talk to him about this because he is the only one who knows how he feels
2006-08-05 20:50:55 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are both "settling"
Sometimes people are more comfortable in their pain than breaking out and making a better life.
Trust? you will have to earn it. And only he knows if he is capable of trusting you..
No one can tell you what to do. It sounds like you are very unsure.
You need to work this out in your own mind and heart.
2006-08-05 20:51:40 · answer #10 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋