I'm currently married but am in love with another person. A person from my past and I do not know what to do.

Question

I'm in love w/ my highschool sweetheart but do not know what to do. I don't even think he cares for me. There are different types of love people have for others, there is the logical love, you love them & need them b/c you know they are right for you & then there is the "in love" emotion. That's how I feel for this other person. However, I feel this other person doesn't even care for me or like me. I don't want to be in love w/ this other person but it's alot harder than just not to be in love w/ him. I tried hard to forget this other person & move on but it seems like I can't. I am starting to believe this other person & I are soulmates. I don't know what to do b/c I am starting to become depressed even more so. My husband deserves the world & not this. I know I am being selfish & I am trying not to be, think about the movie, The Notebook, my situation but the other person isn't aware that I feel this way. I haven't even communicated w/ him for a yr. & never told him I loved him.

Answer 1

A long time ago (10+ years) a really cool guy broke my heart. I thought he was the greatest person on the planet, and we had lots of fun together. We had lots of common interests and we laughed and joked a lot. The circumstances surrounding the way we ended up dating were silly and immature, but I still really did care a lot for the guy. So much, in fact, that I just couldn't seem to get him out of my head, Logically, I knew that it was ridiculous to think that a relationship between the two of us would have lasted even one day, but sometimes I would catch myself wondering "What if?" I found myself wondering what he was up to and and if we would ever be friends again. Over time we would run into each other and chit chat, and over the past year or so we have finally been e-mailing and chatting online. This is not some kind of affair or anything, after all my husband knows all about it (we all worked at the same place in high school), but I do enjoy talking with him. He still makes me laugh, we still do have some common interests, and we have gone out mountain biking with some friends as of late. He is the same goof-off as he always was, and we still kid around with each other, but when it comes down to it, I think it was his friendship that I missed the most. People are so impressionable in high school, and this friend just happened to be around when I needed a friend the most and I have always appreciated that. We aren't real great friends right now, but appropriately friendly and I don't wonder anymore "What if?" There's no reason to. The friendship that I missed is back and I think that is all I really wanted and missed. As I recall, he was a lousy kisser anyway :) LOL I hope to be sitting around on a porch somewhere when I get old and wrinkly telling the same old stupid stories and jokes as always with him. I guess what I am asking is Are you really in love with the person, or do you just miss that person's personality and company? Would it be totally out of the question to casually contact this person? I guess what I am saying is that if my friend and I can be friends 10 years after not talking to each other, then no I Love Yous needed to be exchanged. We are still friends and that just means two good, decent people care for each other. It's a good thing.

Answer 2

HELLO,

let me ask you this question are you in love with your ex or in love with the idea of what yall used to be,, remember time has passed and people change,, and there is a reason why yall are not together today,, was the reason for good reasons,, and then ask your self is there a problem in your marriage that its bringing back these memeories of your past making you think you love your ex still,, or is there something your wanting out of this marriage that your husband is not fullfilling and have you given him the chance to fix that area or have you even discussed the situation with him,,, if there is no issue and this is how you feel,, then why did you marry this man,,, really think about it because for one,, once you leave him and divorce thats it,,,,its over no turning back,, second,, you think that this ex dosent even care or feel the same,, so why long for someone that doesnt want what you want,, and finally when you ended this past relationship was there even closure into why yall were ending it and let out each others final thoughts about it... that could be another reason for the feelings because you were left with what if and i didnt say or didnt ask,,,and dont look at these love movies because its not reality, its not your life and its confusing you with your thought process, come back to the real world and know that your decision will be affecting you , your husband and this other person,, and someone will end up getting hurt, so be sure with your self and dont go by what you see on t.v.. good luck

Answer 3

I think you may be in love with the idea of what could have been with your high school sweetheart and you need to work on letting it go. Then you need to consider why you even married your hubby in the first place and decide if you want your marriage to work - if you do you are definitely gonna have to let that childhood crush go based on how he used to make you feel when you were too young to control your emotions. True love is not a feeling but an action and the ability to weather the storm when times are tough. Marriage needs some key elements to survive, honesty, communication, compromise, trust, and dedication on both sides. Don't mess up your relationship with a man that loves you(probably dearly) over a fantasy relationship conjured up in your mind - don't take this the wrong way but you are gonna have to grow up and grow out of the high school puppy love stage. Your husband will never have a fair shot at making you happy if you refuse to let go of the "shoulda, woulda, coulda phase in regards to your exboyfriend. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Hello

Just for starter's what is wrong with this world today? People have know values and morals anymore. You have given your heart to a man that you vowed you would be with for the rest of your life and now you saying someone els is in the picture. Well I say you marryed your soulmate, but you are blinded to that, If you think the grass is greener on the other side, think again b/c its not always as it seems. I have never done anything like this, But my ex has and now she lives a life of hell b/c of what she did and very much lives with the pain of her mistake. so plz think about what you are saying and the vow's you made before God to always love, honor,and charish until death.

Answer 5

LOL!That same movie reminds me of my situation. Cuz everyone wants to have a love that will last thru the good and the bad. Thru years and changes and new faces ...everyone wants to touch someones life in a way thats unreplaceable. Be in love and live happily ever after. But see both of our problems are we already made a promise before God to share that with the person we married. In my case.....I'm REALLY young (17) and i really did try and my marriage failed cuz u can't teach a old dog new tricks! But you said it yourself "My husband deserves the world & not this." So are you gonna throw away memories w/ that special person who's life you've OBVIOUSLY touched ? I've told myself 1000 times divorce is a sin and lusting for someone is the same. But you will do anything really feel I LOVE YOU and not just say it outta habit. But honestly what do you think you will ever gain with someone who doesn't even think of you that way?

Answer 6

you're just about to create a trouble. Seems you have a nice husband but you're still in love with the person in your past but that person is not aware of your feelings for him. If i were you, avoid that person, i know you can do that if you really want it to happen and not otherwise. Exert extra effort to bond w/ your hubby, or better go away to far place. forget the soulmates, there's no problem if the two of you will be freinds again but the problem is, you still in love, so better avoid if you can.

Answer 7

If you already know that your husband is the one that you can depend on, why look for others? Spend more time with your family and involove in more outdoor activities like hiking, swiming, or volunteer to work for some companies. That way, you can keep your mind busy and better the relationship with your family.

Answer 8

Sounds like you have some work to do. Firstly, forget the childhood sweetheart and rekindle the romance in your marriage.
Sounds like that is what you are looking for.
Don't give up a marriage on a whim. Think of some ways to please your husband and I am sure he will respond in kind.

Answer 9

just try to go on with life normally. You're already married...focus on your husband's needs. Look for things that you havent discovered about him and will interest the both of you,

Dont think much about the other person. Your'e not even sure what's his status in life. Go on with your own life. Try to mind other things.
Good luck girl!

Answer 10

Go see a counselor. You are obsession over someone who does not want you and you will lose someone who does want you. That is very self destructive and not mentally healthy. Start by making sure you are doing something for your husband every day.