Am I the only one who thinks that gays should not refer to their hubby/wife as their partner, or lover?

Question

I am a lesbian and I never refer to my girlfriend as my lover, and when I get married, I will never refer to her a my partner. Referring to her as my lover sounds like we are having some kind of secret forbidden affair. Referring to someone as my partner sounds like we're in business together. I thinks gays having to refer to the one they are with as a lover or partner only separates them more from mainstream. So, to all you fellow gays refer to your spouses only as boyfriend/girlfriends, and as husbands/wives. Does anyone agree?

Answer 1

I call my girlfriend my girlfriend and if and when we decide to marry I will call her my wife. End of story. Total agreement with you there.

Answer 2

No, don't agree. The husband/wife thing refers to a gender role which may or may not be accurate, but is not necessarily the business of the people who don't enter your bedroom. The boyfriend/girlfriend thing suggests less than a long-term committed relationship.

I would suggest that if "partner" sounds too business like to you, use "life partner" instead. I agree that "lover" may be too in-your-face for some social situations.

Answer 3

I agree with you. I am a bisexual female, and at one time gave thought to marrying My exgf, and her husband. I would not have even thought about calling her My partner. Your right that makes it sound like we are either in a legal agreement, or lawyers. I don't know about you but I am not fond of lawyers, and I sure as heck don't want My gf likened to that. If I were to call her My lover, that makes her sound like she is some cheap thing I used to sleep with and get My jollies off. How wrong is that???...

In short, no your not the only one that thinks its wrong to call your girlfriend, your lover/partner. If you marry them, they ARE your husband/wife, therefore are entitled to the same respect as a "normal" relationship, only this kind of relationship is special, which makes the girlfriend, more special.

If you have a girlfriend/wife, love her, hug her, and tell her how much she means to you. It truly is a special type of relationship.

Answer 4

I agree as well. The only thing about the terms wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend is that they create a gender binary with only the options of male and female. Although gender fluidity isn't a big issue with the mainstream gay community, it's still an issue that's slowly rising with the trans community. In my efforts to be non-exclusive, partner still leaves the term gender neutral.

Answer 5

"Boyfriend" is too impermanent; boyfriend makes it sound like we just started dating, and it's very juvenile; "lover" is too indiscreet, you might as well say, this is the person who fulfills my sexual needs; a "partner" is someone you do-si-do with or who patrols the streets with you; I don't care for husbands or wives either, because the very word "wife" implies a husband, and vice versa.

I like "mate" myself. It's simple, it's not as pornographic as "lover," and it implies that you are in a committed relationship in the way that "boy/girlfriend" doesn't. It also doesn't lead anyone to believe that you run a law firm together. Also, it's gender neutral and does not conjure up the associations that "husband" and "wife" do.

Answer 6

I"m not gay or anything but I have been bi-curious. I would prefer wife or husband, bf or gf because I don't like the terms "lover" or "partner". To me those terms means that gay relationship and or marriages does not exist. In my opinion people who are against it made those words up because they believe its so wrong to have same sex relationship. By using "spouse" terms makes it more intimate.(I don't mean in a sexual way) It makes the world acknowledge it even tho they won't accept it. But hey! You're here and you ain't going nowhere. Gay Pride!

Answer 7

It's all preference and the times. I am comfortable with "lover" because that was a popular term when I was coming out. I like "partner", because it signifies a relationship of equality in life. I also use "husband". I think they all apply in a positive way overall.

Answer 8

I think it's all a matter of preference. Some folks can't be that out. They have to be selective with whom they talk, and how they refer to their husband/boyfriend, wife/girlfriend. Some folks aren't comfortable using heterosexual terminology. Some folks don't want to be mainstream.

Personally, my wife and I do refer to eachother that way. I'm her wife and vice versa. That's what we're comfortable with. I wouldn't necessarily judge anyone else for how they refer to their significant others. Usually it's something they're both comfortable with.

Answer 9

I thought of the same thing the other day, I don't understand why people have to refer to their boyfriend/girlfrend, as "life partner" or anything like that.

But then again, we do live in an extremely politicly correct world, I would want to refer to my boyfriend as my boyfriend, husband as my husband. Some people might just not want to draw attention to themselves.

Answer 10

I agree, though I'm not gay. BTW, the gays I know refer to their spouses as boyfriend, not as partner or lover.

Answer 11

I completely agree with you actually.. i'm glad you brought that up... I was with my girlfriend at therapy one day.... (she goes alone and decided that she wanted me to sit in on a session) and... we had been going through a hard time.. and the therapist said "do you both want to be lovers"... and i looked at her like she was... i don't even know.. i had never heard that term used before.. and i really just dislike it a lot.... and i do agree that it serparates us even more from the mainstream...