intense were the moments when the sun reappeared
it cast away the shadows that encompassed our tears.
(now tell me how i should continue it and if it makes sense)
2006-08-05 17:58:11 · 16 answers · asked by cat got a rat 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
and i am in the 9th grade . is it up to my level?
2006-08-05 18:02:44 · update #1
i dont understand how the sun cast away the shadows? i thought the reason we have shadows is because of the sun (correct me if i'm wrong here because i'm pretty stupid) otherwise it is lovely and made me smile :) i think it means that when some kind of light came into your life be it a person or maybe a feeling, it got rid of all your fears that you had been crying about before.
i think you should continue it by pointing out and elaborating the different rays of the sun, unless you want to keep the imagery to one figure of light against lots of shadows and baddie-poos.
2006-08-05 20:43:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
'Our tears' ? Are you sure you don't mean 'my tears' ? This poem is about you so only you can write it. I suspect you 'dried up' out of fear of continuing afraid of what you were touching inside of yourself and where you might go with it and so you took it out of your heart and put it into your head, get back to the heart. Yes it is a good start but it doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks the poem is any good or not, it's your poem
2006-08-06 06:08:32 · answer #2 · answered by Mars 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
behold I must say that it was not because of grief
the tears were from happiness but the moment was brief
there are challenges ahead and that makes my life worth living
after all what is a life worth when its not giving .....
I just typed it and didnt even have to think it just came to my mind after I read the starting lines I hope this helps but anyways keep up the good work
2006-08-06 01:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by Success & Money 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Light=good. Darkness=evil. Continue by talking about what was so fearful about the night and how there was nothing really to be afraid of because everyone makes those similes about darkness and light. Develop a new idea if you can.
2006-08-06 01:05:10 · answer #4 · answered by LAG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I made a 1.
The pins of the wheel on the cushion of night shone the light.
2006-08-06 01:13:23 · answer #5 · answered by Paul Dalby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from the first word you're using poor grammar, you have plural moments for a single happening and you have shot your iambic parameters in the second line and completly lost the cadence, that carries the readers eye forward.
I'd scrap it and start again.
2006-08-06 01:19:52 · answer #6 · answered by trebs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should finish it & then post it again in total.
Once we have seen the whole poem we can make a judgement on what it is about & how good or bad it is.
2006-08-06 11:40:40 · answer #7 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should think it out so you make sense of what your poem means. If you can't understand what it means it's going to be much harder for your readers to figure out.
2006-08-06 01:04:33 · answer #8 · answered by DragonHeart18 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its beautiful, it sounds like something on a tome stone, sad but hopeful. Continue!!
2006-08-06 03:00:19 · answer #9 · answered by Mithrandir_black 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its meaningless crap
here is a good poem
snow snow wind wind
hell its cold
i need a coat
ahhhh, thats better,
see what i did? means something! :)
2006-08-06 01:41:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋