should i ask questions that i know will hurt me!!!!wife had sex with another man?

Question

I FOUND OUT 6WEEKS AGO WIFE HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE,,BUT I STUCK AROUND WHILE SHE TRIED TO DECIDE WHO SHE WANTED!!!I KNOW STUPID ME.WELL TONIGHT I JUST FOUND OUT THEY ACTUALLY HAD SEX ABOUT TWO TO THREE WEEKS AGO..SO WHAT IM ASKING IS SHOULD I ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT IT IF I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO HURT OR SHOULD I JUST GUESS AND TRY TO FORGET IT.IF ANY ONE HAS ANY TIME TO CHAT ABOUT IT WHO'S EXPERIENCED IT PLEASE IM ME AT PLANETSTEREO1 ANY HELP IS APPRECIATED

Answer 1

Fight or flight reaction.
Fight for your relationship to stay together if you are still committed. (I do not mean with violence).
If not, fly away.

Answer 2

How did you find this out? Did she tell you or did someone else? You know that you really need to talk to her about this.

This may be the end of your marriage. You have the right to know what happened and why. I don't think you should ask for the intimate details, just what she intends to do with her life now.

You can stay with her or go. That will be your big decision. However, I recommend you seek counseling no matter what. You will not be able to enter into any relationship until you come to terms with what happened in this marriage.

I wish you well. You showed class when giving her time to sort things out. A wise woman would have recognized this and stayed with her husband.

Answer 3

sir i know how you are feeling. it does suck. the biggest problem is in your wife. if she has lied to you to meet or see him more than once you will never get a truthful answer out of her again. the first time you ask where she was she will get defensive and you will know what you feel is true. i am going through basically the same thing. i was stupid and am stupid. change is mans biggest fear but it must happen at least that is what i tell my heart. you can confront her but she will either avoid the question or lie for the answer. no matter what proof you have she will deny it and try to say she didnt want to hurt you. by herself she will act vulnerable to you but if anyone else is around she will act like a *****. who knows what she is really feeling. woman are cruel unless you have something they want. if they have what you want they are even more cruel. run and save your sanity. if you have doubts or questions if it did or not more than likely it did. with women assume the worst and attempt to move on or they will just keep you down. good luck and i wouldnt expect any truth from her.

Answer 4

I'm the type of person that needs to ask questions...even if I know the answers will hurt. It's just a part of MY healing, otherwise I go crazy thinking about it. If you feel that you need to ask questions, then do it. The least she can do is be honest and give you answers.

Is she still continuing this sexual relationship with the other man? Or is she truly sorry about what she did? I know it is hard to just break up a marriage, but if she isn't willing to clean up her act then you need to be ready to move on. You don't deserve to be with someone who is unfaithful and isn't 100% committed to you like a spouse should be.

If she is willing to give the other guy up I STRONGLY recommend that you see a marriage counsellor. It's tough to get over something like this.

Whatever you do, just don't "forget it"...if she sees that she got away with it and that you love her so much that you will never leave her, or question her, then you'd be making it too easy for her to do it again.

Good luck and I hope you guys can stick together and work it out!

Answer 5

Your wife is playing games if she can't have one she will stilll have the other. You won't forget it as it will eat away at you, talking about it may get you the truth it may not. You know the truth hurts , and you should be hurt as your wife has broken her wedding vowels, she has been unfaithful.You will never fully trust her again i speak from experience. I tried too forget but it was always in back of my mind , it will be thrown up if you argue. Ask you wife to make a decision as your not playing second best as you do not deserve the treatment she has given you. There is plenty of women out there that will respect you as a partner and love you for what you are.

Answer 6

There are too many unknown variables to get an answer in a forum like this. How long have you been married? What are your ages? Are you capable of forgiving or will you hold it as your ace in the hole for future fights? Have you ever cheated on her or did anything that would make her think you were? How is/was the sex between the two of you? I think maybe you both should seek counseling before jumping to any swift decisions based on what you read here.

Answer 7

I don't think knowing will make you feel any better at all. I would defintely put her out though. To me, cheaters have to be one of the lowest form of people walking the earth. Families get destroyed and kids pay the price. You will never trust her again and once trust is destroyed, you might as well hang it up. I saw my daughter go through this with a guy she was with for 11 years. He did it to her twice and she left him after the 2nd time, and met another guy who loves her and one that she loves. Life does go on and you will meet someone else. I told her the 1st time "once a cheat, always a cheat" and he proved that point right. Your wife told you she had feelings for someone else, that should be enough. Obviously she doesn't respect you much and can't have much feelings for you. As much as it hurts, I would tell her goodbye and go on to a new life.

Answer 8

Unfortuneately with these sort of situations the couple usually had sex more than once, I guarantee it.

This situation doesn't sound good at all. Finding out details would only anger you , and I doubt you'll be told the whole exact truth.

Sit down and figure out first if this is a relationship you would want to continue for YOURSELF. I suspect that she wants to bring more excitement into her life and unfortuneately is using an affair as a way of doing it. AND I wouldn't be surprised if she was with additional men not just one. Ask her and I bet I'm right.

Answer 9

This is not a therapy session. But yes, you should question her. If you don't ask her now, your life will become a miserable lie where a wife has no respect for you and the 2 of you don't have much future together. And don't be afraid to hurt her. She should've known better than to cheat on you. Like I'm not exactly who are you but I know one thing - if she likes that guy so much, she should've divorce you first and then get on with her new bf. But lying to the family partner and cheating... That's just low, man.

Answer 10

Everytime you pass by an accident do you find yourself taking a peak around? Everyone does it. It is natural to search for the truth even if it is horrible and painful to hear. No one wants to see a head in the middle of the road after a car accident, but we all have a sick urge to look anyway.
If she is cheating then you should consider divorce. In addition she may be bringing home STDs to you. And it doesnt matter how old you and your wife maybe, STDs dont discriminate.

Answer 11

I feel for you been in those shoes a few times. I stuck in there for my son but it is more hurtfull to hang on then to put a stop to the hurt and move on. I decided not to be put 2nd and move on with life and I suggest you do the same for time will heal and you can find your self and then find someone else and move on with life. Life is to short and you let her know that the grass in not always greener on the other side of the hill. I wish you luck and hang in there you will find the strength to let go. DON't KNOW WHAT SHE HAS UNTIL IT IS GONE...