Are You Ready For A Politically Correct Nursery Rhyme?

Question

(I don't like anything taken to an extreme, including being PC. And I didn't take too kindly to a lecture I received from a little old lady at a checkout stand this afternoon. Well, writers respond with satire. So, here's mine:

Thirty days has September,
April, June and November.
All the rest have thirty-one
Except Octemburary, which has none.*

*(However, a bill has just been introduced in Congress that should ensure Octemburary of it’s full and equal rights.)


You guys want to want to give it a shot? For fun, take a nursery rhyme and see what you can come up with.

Dasher, hahahahahahahaha!

You guys are all pretty good so far.

Johnboy, I went to UT (Texas) and majored in criminology as part of my military Bootstrap training.

Answer 1

Oh Doctor, you most certainly are liberal. I bet you went to a liberal arts college and majored in ballet, didn't you?

Answer 2

Ms. Mary had a vertically-challenged Ovis aries
Its fleece was Caucasian as snow
And everywhere that Ms. Mary went (of her own free will and not dictated by a male)
The Ovoid was sure to go (because it was a young male and needed the female's heretofore underappreciated wisdom and guidance)

It followed her to school one day
Which was against the archaic rules geared toward the success of the male establishment.
It made the truly equally adept at learning children laugh and play,
To see an Ovoid at school

And so the qualified yet limited by the glass ceiling female teacher turned it out,
But still it lingered near
And waited patiently about,
Till Ms. Mary did appear, because, as we've said before, it was a young male and.....can you males please get past your selective hearing issues and show respect to your equals?????

"Why does the, uhhhhh, Ovoid love Ms. Mary so?"
The eager and equal female and male children cry
"Why, Ms. Mary loves the Ovoid, you know, but theirs is not some misunderstood kind of barnyard love that underprivileged rural citizens celebrate, though animals deserve our respect and kindness,"
The highly qualified and extremely underpaid teacher did reply.

Answer 3

This assault on our free speech in the name of "not hurting anyone's feelings" (as if that was a right) makes me so sad that I can't think very creatively. But how bout this:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown, and because Jill
was female, and thus perfect, she picked up Jack, being
equally strong as any male, and admonished him, for, as a
girl...excuse me...woman, she was much smarter and more
mature than Jack. Then Jill carried the water, because if a boy
were to be chivalrous, that is injurious to women's position in society. Jack thanked Jill, but was careful what he said because he didn't want to be a sexist pig like all grown men. Jill went on to play tag with the boys because she was equally as fast as they and can do whatever she wants as a woman.
And they all lived happily ever after.

Actually, now that I wrote it, more are coming to me.

Bah Bah African American sheep
Have you any wool?
***Line removed because it is racist for an African American to say "Sir" to a white man***
Three bags full.
One from the reparations and one from affirmative action.
And one that I actually produced myself.

Answer 4

A politically correct nursery rhyme is like trying to make an economically advanced child, it shouldn't occur in the world we live in today, and plus its way to difficult to accomplish right off the tip of your tongue.
Those of you who did i give props.

Answer 5

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat had a fiddle,
and the cow jumped over the moon,
The height challenged dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with his alternative lifestyle partner, the spoon.

Answer 6

You should have spouted poetry to the rude little old lady. I hope you responded and did not cower from her like a child.

Answer 7

As much as I would like to compliment you on this effort, we must treat all people equally so I will acknowledge that you have turned in something.

Answer 8

Huhh??