My friend used to be great to hang out with but she's been being really mean lately espeically to her family she told me she wants to paint her room black. I want her to go back to normal but i don't want to say something wrong and make her hate me too. Any Advice?
2006-08-05 16:57:57 · 17 answers · asked by suohthedragon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
A friend who treats you mean? I've certainly been in your shoes before and it was terrible. The problem: You remember how the friendship used to be AND try to "hang in there" but its hard to subject yourself to someone being a hateful friend. So why should you? Answer - you should not.
I will try to explain what I learned the hard way. By continuing to seek this person's friendship, you are essentially telling her that she can treat you like crap, and you'll stand by and take it.
Your friendship is worth having - and furthermore, what about what is going on in YOUR life? Suppose you are going through something yourself, but can't even express it because she is in one of her "moods."
I know people like this and the only way to show her that her behavior is negative is by seeing her a lot less. I am not saying cut the friendship off completely, but greatly diminish your time together by focusing on other people and hobbies.
Your friend needs to see that her behavior has a negative consequence for HER not just everyone who has the misfortune to be subject to her wrath.
There is another reason why taking her "crap" is problematic for you - Even though you believe you can handle it, you are also damaging your own since of self-worth. How? There is a part of you that says, "I am a good friend to her. Why do I let people treat me like this and come back for more." By doing nothing, you are tearing down yourself, too. And if you don't break the cycle, you will find yourself in many "supposed" friendships/relationships where you get the short end of the stick.
Also, I've had those friendships where you worry about saying the wrong thing and being "cut off" or having this person get mad. Nothing is more degrading than walking on eggshells around someone and not being able to be yourself for fear of retribution.
Bottom line: You are worth more than this. Don't let your precious time be taken by someone who can't appreciate your friendship.
2006-08-05 17:23:56 · answer #1 · answered by littlebunny101 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has your friend changed her friends? Her wanting to paint her room black sounds like some kind of cult or something. And if she's mean to her family, she must have lost her respect somewhere. How old is she? She may be going through rebellion for some reason. If she's your best friend, you should be able to sit down and talk with her about all of these changes that she is going through. If she gets mad, she's not your friend anyway. Try talking to her family about the situation also, if you feel comfortable in doing so.
2006-08-05 17:02:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just from what I read, I could offer two possible explanations:
1) She could just be going through a period where she wants to define herself more and have a closer group of friends. This is not to say you have done anything wrong. She might not even be aware of how she is treating you in her efforts to "fit in" with this new lifestyle choice.
2) It sounds like your friend might be experiencing something she doesn't want to talk about and it's coming out in this different ways. I've seen my share of people who encounter something very unpleasant and they sometimes alter their behavior to keep it from hurting them over and over.
In either case, I would schedule a time to sit down with her face to face and just talk. Let her know how much you care about her and how some of the things she has done hurt you. Show her your concern about what's going on. Maybe she'll open up and tell you. Try to be supportive of her unless she really starts treating you like crap. Then she's not much of a friend at all. But best friends see each other through the best and worst times.
You don't have to agree with her or even like what she is doing, but you can respect it, as long as she is willing to still be friends with you and that includes treating you right.
I hope this helps a little bit, just some friendly advice. :)
2006-08-05 17:10:30 · answer #3 · answered by Dark Horizons 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your friend is going through some transitions in her life especially concerning the family that she is resentful about. I wouldn't say anythinga at all about painting the room black, let it be. Just be there for her as a friend and be available for her if she feels she wants to talk to you about whatever she's upset about it.
2006-08-05 17:11:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
could be that she is going thru a tough time and now is letting it out that way. can you check if something is ok with her? try to be patient with her too. But you have to pinpoint the fact that she is treating your family in a bad way. Being a good friend also means telling your friend the truth even if it hurts, someday she will thank you for it.
2006-08-05 17:08:01 · answer #5 · answered by ωнєη уσυ ѕмιℓє уσυ мαкє мє ѕмιℓє 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just be honest with her. Your a good friend for sticking by her. This maybe just a phase shes going through and probably needs a good friend to stick with her. But if she gets mad over your opinion about whats going on then shes not that great of a friend, its your job as a friend to be able to be honest with her.
2006-08-05 17:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by Serena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be honest and open to your firend i mean, isn´t that what friends are for? You should tell her what you feel and wait for her to respond. Maybe she will accept the advice and be very thankful. If you think she is in real trouble you should really talk to someone, after talking to her i mean professionals or her parents. If she really is your friend you should do what is best for her.
2006-08-05 17:09:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well mention something to her about it. If it makes her mad then u should have other friends to talk to. Or maybe she is wanting to go gothik with painting her room black.
2006-08-05 17:05:56 · answer #8 · answered by wemsamandab93 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my friend is kinda gothic. well....... not really she just wears nothing but black and other stuff. when she first moved here she was mean to everyone including her sister. i really dont remember what i said to her that changed her. whatever i said made her become my best friend but she moved so i really dont have a best friend n e more. so since i dont remember what i said to her i cant really tell you n e thing to say to your freind but what ever you do never give up on her.
2006-08-05 17:16:38 · answer #9 · answered by star-burst 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ur a real friend u would help whatever happens let her know that her actions are hurting people that really care for her like u and her family
2006-08-05 17:03:20 · answer #10 · answered by sonyk78 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋