Only moms answer please.?

Question

well my mom and me got in a fight a week ago and we haven't talked since. Our life is a long story but basically my parents divorced, there was a custody battle, my dad won but gave us the choice of where we wanted to live. First i lived with my dad but then later moved to my moms in FL. I loved my school there and my new brothers from her new husband and i was very happy. but then she wanted to switch schools and i didn't want to have to make new friends. so i went back to my dads and my old school. now she's saying i just did that to hurt her, i'm inconciderate, care about no one but myself, i don't love her, my brothers, or my stepdad, and i don't appreciate anything she has done for me. well she said all this to my dad and he told me and i asked her about it. she said she said it when she was mad and i moved back to my dads but she also said she still stands by what she says and still means it all. I told her that really hurt me. We haven't talked since. Am i wrong for being upset?

i didn't break up my family by leaving she broke up the family by getting the divorce and then moving to FL from SC away from the rest of the family. i think your rly mean for sayin i broke up the family for selfish reasons.

Answer 1

My wife wants to answer this one:

Your parents are 100% at fault here. They are using you as a pawn in their ridiculous game. Your father should never have given you the choice as to who to live with. He's supposed to be the parent and should know what's best for you. As for your mother, I can't believe she said those things to anybody about her own daughter. And I can't believe your dad told you what she said. He is manipulating you to try and drive a wedge between you mother and you.

So now you are faced with moving schools, losing friends, switching between houses. Their childish squabbles are coming at your expense. You have every right to be upset with both of them.

I'm sorry you are caught in the middle of such a rotten situation. This whole thing stems from the immaturity of your parents who seem to only consider their own feelings. All I can say is, try the best you can to love them and pray they grow up. Now that you've seen what damage divorce can do, I do hope you will never let it happen to you. The children always suffer more than the parents.

Answer 2

Sounds like your mom is having problems, not only adjusting to the situation that she has put herself in, but also the fact that she lost you to your Dad. She's probably still holding negative feelings toward you because you chose your Dad instead of her.

It's okay to be upset. What she did and said sounds very hurtful. Make sure you forgive her in your heart. But don't let her words bully you into making decisions. I understand why you wanted to live with her. Having the ideal relationship with your mom is appealing but may or may not ever happen. If she keeps hurting you then chances are you need to wait a while before trying to restart a relationship with her.

Sometimes parents make stupid choices, decisions, or say things wrong. You are now learning that your parents aren't always right and life can't be like it is on TV. I know exactly how you are feeling. I've been there before. Remember the things that your mom did and vow to never do those things to your children. Good luck and hang in there. Life is hard sometimes, but you can make it if you put your mind to it.

Answer 3

I think whoever said that you were the cause needs to delete their account. Log off the internet. Call their service provider to cancel their internet. Sell their computer and never open their mouth to strangers for advice.

Back to the issue. I am wondering if your mom is just angry and hurt based on her own motive that you "choosed" sides. When in fact, you never choosed sides but in her mind, she felt you moved in with her that you choosed her as better living parent. Then when you moved back, its a sense of rejection.

Every time my step siblings would move from our house to their mom's, all he.l.l would break loose. Their mom would call constantly and threaten to take him to court for more child support if he didn't do this or that. Caused major problems in my mom and his marriage. (mostly cuz he didn't have the b.a.l.l.s to tell her to back off etc). It was a game to her. A challange. Yet, she try to act all nice, innocent to the judge with tears down her face. Judge got tired of it after awhile. So, even though that situation is lil different. However, I wonder if in her head that you moved back was a "backstab" to her taken you in her home (where the whole "Don't appreciate anything" and selfish comes in).

I thnk your mom is bitter about it. Might be more to the story than either you know or letting us know. I think that you need to express how you feel "I love you but I am old enough to decide and I feel it was inconciderate to move me to a different school I didn't want to for no particular reason and felt it was better to move back since it wouldn't of worked out. Doesn't mean love you less or don't appreciate. I am sorry you feel that way but Im not going to apologize for making that decision when you won't even consider how I felt". Or, at least that is what I would of said. but you say what you feel.

Then, drop the issue. You can't make her come to terms or anything. Just going to have to give what you got and say it is in her court now to make the move.

Answer 4

Do what is in your own heart for now.Seems Mom won't like it and you do not need all this.She can't see your point,because she is hurting and feels left out.You should be thankful you have a home, or homes, to go to.My parents (step-dad and Mom) divorced and my Mom re-married and forgot to take her teenagers with her.My step-dad had no reason or obligation to worry about us,and my real dad was out of the picture many years back.I had it really bad.I was not even communicating with all three of them,not my fault.They thought everyone else would take over,well..needless to say,I was literally out on the streets from then on.Be glad you have a roof over your head,a family,and problems will seem less obscured.I am so glad you realize none of this is your fault..it took me many years to realize..when you come home from school and find your belongings locked up inside the house of the friend of your Mom's, that she left you with,... even this person moved away without a note..it felt like nobody cared.I dare say nobody in this situation,did.But it was not my fault...Take care.

Answer 5

You have the right to be upset it is how you show it that matters. Just remember she is your one and only mom. There can never be another. Sitting down and talking is always the best way to figure things out. Bringing in a third person outside the situation is always helpful but going to be difficult since you and your mom are in separate states. If nothing else remember family is your strongest bond and the love should be unconditional. Being divorced and trying to keep two families and mingling them together is hard.

Answer 6

You have the right to be upset....But it sounds like your mom was talking out of anger...and it is not fare to you that she trying to make you feel guilty......She may be feeling a little guilty herself and is trying to put that guilt on you.....You should talk to her and tell her how she has made you feel and tell her that you love her and your siblings from her new husband..... ask her if she remembers being a teenager and how hard it was to make new friends...you could also ask what her reason was for wanting to make you change schools she might think she is doing what is best for you.....and if your anything like my daughter..don't roll your eyes and act as if you know everything and mom knows nothing....She is your mom and you should be able to discuss anything with her I am sure she think she is doing what is best for you....She is wrong for saying the things she did.... also your dad should not have said any of this to you..... But you need to talk to your mom being upset is ok but you don't want to build a wall between yourself and your mom because the longer you don't talk the harder it will be. You only have 1 mom and god forbid but if anything happened to her before you do talk just think how you would feel. Just call her and say I just called to say I love you mom. You don't actually have to bring the other stuff up....But please call her and tell her you love her....At least you will open that door of comunication back up....She does love you and you love her and thats what really matters...

Answer 7

Not at all. Sounds like your mom is being the immature one...Maybe you should talk to her calmly, and respectfully tell her that if anyones being selfish, it's her, by not thinking of you as her child and putting what makes you happy first.

I'm sure she loves you, but try to see things from her point of you - she's looking at it differently, seeing it like you've betrayed her. I'm sure she just misses you terribly and doesn't know how to deal with it. It's wrong of her to try and guilt you into going back to live with her by making you feel sorry you left.

You are NOT responsible for her happiness! Tell her calmly the reason why you moved home, and that if she chooses not to believe you and think something else, then she can do that.

Never be disrespectful, yell, or say things out of anger. Remind her you love her, but that it's too much for you to be moving into different schools and lifestyles all the time, forced to make new friends and adjust.

If she doesn't understand, then she needs to learn to grow up. Give her room, and i'm sure she'll come around! Goodluck, hun.

Answer 8

As a step-mom I have seen the emotional tug of war that goes on when a child decides to live with the other parent what I always tell my step-son is you have to right to feel the way that you do but no matter how mad your mom makes you you still have to respect her. If where you moved is a better place for you stick by it and don't keep moving around but you need to keep talking to your mom she will get past her hurt feelings its just sometimes hard to let your child go.

Answer 9

Not at all. You're making the choices for yourself, and your parents are the ones who gave you that option! You have every right to make your own plans for your life, without your mom guilt-tripping you. She may be hurt, but it's still your life. Try writing to her and explaining your reasons. Tell her you still love her and you want to work things out, but you need to live your own life. If she doesn't respond, or responds negatively, let it go for now. Let her be upset. It's gonna hurt for the both of you, but she may need to take time to get over it. Just let her know that when she's ready to talk without fighting, you'll still be there. Meanwhile, write often to your brothers and keep in contact with them, and even your stepdad. It'd show that it's not about her or them, it's about your own life.

Answer 10

Breaking up your family to keep from going to a new school is pretty extreme. People say things when they are angry that they later regret saying.... I can not immagine you have never done this. One day when you are a mom you will look at your new baby and realize what a heart break it would be to you if your baby one day chose not to live with you and then you will understand how she feels. Make up with your mom. You only have one and it sounds like the reason she got so angry is because she loves you so much and it broke her heart to lose you again.