My wife and I are seperated, I have moved in with my best friend and his wife, until I can recover financially

Question

and move on with my life. My wife is the one who told me to leave and that she hated me. I left immediately and even told her I would pay for the divorce and a portion of our debt. We were married for four years. We do not have any children together, she has children from previous marriages and the youngest two I have helped raise for the past six years.
We have been apart for two months, and she keeps calling.

She calls me several times a day, always wanting to know what I am doing and who am I with. She wants to know about my work. She is trying to find out if I am seeing someone else.

She is going through a tough time, she is trying to care for her oldest daughter (25yrs) who is having some serious health problems, and she is going through custody issues over her two youngest children and her grandchildren. Her oldest son died a yr ago.

Help! Why does she keep calling me? She wants to talk as a friend but then she wants me to act like a husband. What do I do?

Answer 1

Tell her to put up or shut up. Either she wants you all or she doesn't want you. She needs to know that there is no middle ground; it's either all or nothing.

Answer 2

Why are you answering the phones? And why are you allowing yourself to continue to be drawn into the drama of her life -- let her sort it out for herself.

At work, you should be doing work, and NOT having to answer the phone for an estranged spouse -- I would worry more about how your employer is going to view this situation and how it will affect your position, your place in the company, and whether you will have disciplinary action taken against you (or possibly lose your job) by being so distracted by this situation.

SHE needs to sort out HER custody Issues -- that is NOT YOUR JOB! SHE needs to be responsible for her Custody problems too.

You need to stay single for a while and get some space -- and possibly find a good marital counselor in the meantime -- and go even if she does NOT want to go through counseling to save the marriage. This counseling will help you tremendously if and when you decide to go through the full divorce process at some future date.

Answer 3

I have read your question twice and cannot see where you say that you are still in love with your wife. I am guessing that you do not love her any more. That makes a big difference in what you should do.

If you do not love her and do not want to get back with her the solution is simple. The next time she calls and starts acting like a friend (or lover) explain to her that you will not accept any more of her calls. Tell her that you are moving on with your life. She is the one who told you to move out. You did what she said.

She cannot seem to accept that you are finished with her. You must make it very clear that you will not take her calls any more and you are going ahead with the divorce.

This sounds cruel, but it is better to set the record straight now than to let her hang on to the hope that you will come back to her.

Answer 4

You may want to just ask her, in a nice way, why she keeps calling if she wanted you gone. It sounds like you're her "crutch" or that she suspected you of cheating? I would personalyl just ask the questions directly to the source, being as nice as possible considering her current situation.

Answer 5

Have you all talked about getting back together? She acts like she still cares for you and by what you are saying you still care for her and i know you care about her kids(by what you said). Just call her up and say "lets go get something to eat and then go somewhere and talk"(or something like that-lol). I hope you all get back together -i know those kids miss ya.

Answer 6

In my eyes from the story i think she was just mad at the time but she really doesn't hate u. she doesn't want u wit no one else because she still wants to be wit u