I DON'T FEEL TRUSTED W/ MY PARENTS!!! can u help me plz! i want someone 25yrs n older!!!!! plz help me!?

Question

ok listen...my mama dont care if i go out on a date w/ my BF! but my dad is a differ story....see a long time ago...i had some bad times to where i did lose his trust...but now i've did everything in my right mind to be trusted...and so far it was working! me n my sis always questioned if that a guy asked us to go somewhere w/ them would we be able to go? well for her it'll be a most likely a yes...and i am always bord...and have nothing to do! and my parents were telling me to hang out w/ some friends! n so i asked if i can go to the movies w/; my BF n his sis n his mama n dad! n my dad was able to come if he wants! he says nope...and questions why do i wanna go so bad!!! and all i ask is a lil time w/ my BF i dont feel trusted at all...and i am so sick of it! wtf is wrong w/ him!!! i wanna be able to go places w/ my BF's...and someday hes gonna have to accept that! he babies my lil 13 yr old sis....n HATE EM FOR IT! n my mama knows it too,but sometimes i can talk her into it! help!!

i am 14 yr old and my BF is 16 and he came over once for church!!! wut i did wrong was 2 yrs ago...and i dont feel like i wanna share it yall sry but plz anwser!!

Answer 1

I may have missed something, but I can't tell how old you are. I'm guessing you are about 15.

I don't blame you for wanting to spend some time with your boyfriend, and I commend you for inviting your folks to go along with you. As homeschoolers, we may live a different lifestyle than most Answers users, but I will speak from my experience both as child and as parent.

When I was younger, I had some experiences that I never shared with my family. Some were very fun, but some were very dangerous and left scars -- hurts and bad memories that may never go away. Times were different then, but people still behaved in much the same way as they do now. Girls were girls and, well, boys were boys.

As a parent, I remember the things that hurt me and I want to protect my children from those things. I also remember the fun times that I had, and don't want to stifle my kids with rules and restrictions that keep them from developing strength, courage, and personality traits that will help them be mature, contributing, wise citizens.

It is a difficult balance to achieve with your kids.

I'm almost fifty. I have seven kids. I've made mistakes with all of them, but (in units) they have all been treated about the same. Some do well with more discipline, some don't do as well. Unfortunately, you can't see the result until it's over.

As a parent, I appreciate responsible kids who try to understand the intent of the rules or restrictions and work with me. If you can ask your parents why they have a difficult time with your boyfriend, you may come to understand their motives.

Perhaps, they know something about this particular boy that you aren't willing or able to see. Perhaps they don't feel that you will be safe with him. Perhaps another boy would make them more comfortable.

Maybe they see your weaknesses. Perhaps they feel that you will be a distraction to him while he is driving, or maybe you are easily misled. They may be trying to protect you from yourself.

Sometimes, making agreements about dating helps parents feel more comfortable. Maybe carrying a cell phone for emergency calls home would do the trick. Or maybe dating with older siblings or cousins would help. The idea of double-dating with your parents is a wonderful idea! Maybe agreeing to a curfew would help them feel more comfortable.

The idea is to work with them. Understand their intentions. They aren't making up rules and setting up restrictions to hurt you. They want you to be safe. Agree to certain dating protocol -- destinations, curfews, dress codes -- so that they will be more comfortable. And if they want you to wait until your next birthday, participate in group activities that help you develop your social skills and give you that social outlet.

You aren't a bad kid. They aren't bad parents. Try communicating with them, and help them communicate with you. The more you talk, the better you will know and understand each other. Have fun.

Answer 2

First of all I am 33 and have 3 kids. The problem is once you lose trust it is really hard to get it back. Consider a man who cheats on his wife... she may forgive him and move on but it is always there in her mind that he did it and may do it again. It would be helpfull to know how you lost their trust and how old you are now. Maybe he just doesn't care for the BF. Was the BF involved in the loss of trust issue? If it is an issue with the BF , I can tell you from experience having been where you are and looking at it from my point now... sometimes parents have a sixth sense about BFs . They seem to just know when he is going to be trouble for you or hurt you. Parents seem to be overbearing and smothering but what you have to try to remember is kids don't come with directions. Parents try to do everything right but they are not perfect. They love their kids so much that the idea of something or someone hurting them is their worst nightmare. One day when you are a parent you will look back at this age and think " I was still a baby." and you will always be their baby even when you are 47. Try to remember the things they do are done out of love for you and a desire to protect you not to make your life hell.
As I said knowing your age and what you did would help me answer this a little better.

Answer 3

Well, I'm over 30 and here's my take:

I assume you are under 16 because otherwise you probably wouldn't be going to movies with parents tagging along. You didn't mention what you did to betray your father's trust. It is very difficult to gain your parents' trust back. It takes a very long time.

Daddies are particularly protective of their little girls because they know what's going on in the minds of those young boyfriends and the girl is always runs a greater risk than the boy in a relationship that gets out of hand.

I think it is a good sign that your boyfriend is cool with being seen at the movies with his parents. They must have a good relationship. That bodes well for you. It sounds like a nice safe date to me.

However, I still don't know what you did to betray dad's trust nor how long ago that was. Since you are still living at home, you have to go by his rules. And I don't recommend pitting your mother against your father because that will only cause tension between the two of them which could last much longer than your current relationship with your boyfriend.

When you head off to college, or move out, or whatever, you will have all the space you need and will be able to do whatever you want with your boyfriends. I know you don't want to hear that but its the truth.

The best advice I can give you is to talk to your dad about it sometime when neither of you can be distracted and ask him what its going to take for him to trust you again.

Answer 4

Well i don't know what you did to lose te trust in the begining, but maybe you should try and have you BF over the house so your dad can get to know him better. Dont be all affecianate in front of the parents. Have your bf be respectful, and after a month or so, have your bf ask if its okay if you can go to the movies with him and a few friends or his family. You need to build mor trust, when you think its enough you need even more. I had a strict father and he never let me date until i was 16, so i understand where you are coming from, but now being a mom i understand why my dad did it. he wants me safe and not want guys to take advantage of me.

Answer 5

Take a step back and recognize the situation for what it is. Parents sometimes make bad rules--but usually for good reasons. Your parents want to be able to trust you, but they also want you to be safe. You lied to your parents about visiting a friend and instead went out with your boyfriend. Bad mistake. Had something happened, they wouldn't have known where to find you. Naturally they are going to be skeptical of anything you say for a while, so be prepared to swallow your pride for a while. You should start by apologizing to your parents and making it clear that you understand why they are so upset. Yes, you lied to them. Yes, you disappointed them. But most of all, you put yourself at risk. That's what they will be most upset about. Tell them you understand why it's important for them to know where you are going when you are away from home and that you realize it will take a while for you to earn their trust again. Then do whatever they ask so you can earn their trust again. And please don't ask questions in textspeak. It gives people a headache to read.

Answer 6

Just keep at it. Try starting small: going out with a group of friends and calling to check in at home and whatnot. Stuff you're probably already doing. Ask to do a little more at a time. And whatever you do, don't sneak anywhere. At least you're doing better than my sister. She violated my dad's trust, then because he didn't trust her, she snuck out to do the stuff she wanted, which of course didn't help the trust issue. Eventually she presented herself as mature and able to make good decisions, and he started giving her more freedom. Meanwhile, I was always able to do whatever I wanted because while I can't say I always made the right decisions, I made mature ones for my age and always kept him informed. I think you should try to get your mom to talk to your dad about letting you go out with your bf and his family. After all, you have chaperones, and you even offered for him to be one. Doesn't seem like a big deal. But if you're doing all of this already, you may just have to wait on the deal. It sucks big time, but there's not much you can do until you're legally an adult.

Answer 7

Ok assuming that you are a teenager whether a minor or over 18 or are 18 and gonna go by your question. Are you suggesting that your dad doesn't want you to date a 25 year old?

Ok let me tell you this. You'll hate me for it. Your dad is a guy. So is this 25 year old. He knows that guys are sexually wired and full of hormones. Your dad doesn't want you hurt and doesn't want him to take advantage of you. Or frankly put; your loving father doesn't want you raped and murdered or one of the two. I don't care if he acts or looks trusting!!! I'm not saying that all guys are potential rapists! If you want to date someone 25 or older wait until you are 21! You'll be glad you did it. Remember just because your dad refuses to let you date older guys doesn't mean he doesn't love you. HE LOVES YOU AND RESPECTS YOU SO MUCH that HE DOESN"T WANT HIS FLESH AND BLOOD PRINCESS LIKE YOU RAPED AND KILLED! If I didn't care I wouldn't post this. Please don't date this guy whatever you do. Don't even date people you barely know. It's better to date your best friends. and in group dates. Remember, your dad loves you and cares about you. You should be thankful for that, and I know you may not see it right now but you will.

By the way women and girls that are raped, their lives are ruined for a long time, being raped is emotional murder. Feel free to email me.

Answer 8

******************* Molly did you miss the part about 25 or over ***************

You didn't say how old you are, or your boy friend. But what ever you did to lose your father's trust probably wasn't just one thing or just one time. We as parent's have a natural trust of our children, we want to trust them. As a father of three i can tell you it takes a lot to lose that trust. But once it's lost, it takes a lot and a long time to get it back. It is worth having your parents trust, and there respect. In the mean time you must trust your father, trust that he does what he does for his family.. It may be difficult, but stick with him and encourage your little sis to do the same. Sounds like he plans on being there for you anytime you need him, even when you don't want to need him. Give him a hug and tell him how important he is to you. Don't mention the date again, see what happens in the next couple of week's.

Answer 9

I hate to sound like an old person, but that's what I am.

Your father thinks he knows you better than you know yourself. You might think you have everything under control, but he figures you messed up once, you are going to mess up again. He believes it is better to take away your freedom than to trust you when he already assumes you are going to screw up.

I was someone's BF once too. Your dad was someone's BF back in the day. We know what BFs do and what they try to get their girlfriends to do. Dads worry about daughters and rightfully so. Maybe someday you'll thank him for being so strict. Not anytime soon.

Answer 10

That is a tough one..you have got a lot of good advice here from people. Is your dad someone you can sit down and talk too, or is he one of those dad's you can't? If he is one of you can, try sitting down with him somewhere and having a nice long talk about stuff. I was in a semi similar situation back in my teen years...well I had step siblings who my step mom babied anyways and my dad let it happen...and I wasn't able to do anything...I talked to my dad and things really improved from there. (But you have to be "adult" about it...reasonable, mature, willing to compromise, etc). See if that might help, and also just continue to show them that you can be trusted. Trust is the easiest thing to lose, and the hardest thing to earn back once it's lost! Good luck!