Do you think its really over???

Question

My husband and I had the worst argument today.Were never ones to argue but I guess it was a balloon tha finally bursted.Weve been together 2 years and have a 4 month old daughter but just 3 weeks ago we officially got married.Hes never been really affectionate and I am and I confronted him about it today and just exploaded.Ive never been so hurt in my life.He go so deffensive and down right nasty like I was demented and that I always look for arguments which is not true and that he was tired and that it was over, what hurt me the most and had he nerve to say is that I can go but the baby stays.Like I would leave anywhere without my daughter.I know people say things they dont mean out of anger but did he cross the line?Obviously he meant it because he dosent want to make up and hes giving me the silent treatment.All this because I confront him for the first time about something and i did it in a nice way,all i wanted was some affection.Now i dont know what to do?I have no family here

Answer 1

Well if you covered all the key points in your description of the argument and all that lead up to it, I'd say he over reacted. I'd go on to say it's ofcourse not about affection or anything of the sort. Something much deeper I'm guessing. Who knows what? That's for you to 'gently' poke and prod to figure out and do your best to rectify. And I don't mean 'you' alone. I mean it in the sense that 'you two' will need to try and work out whatever it is that's clearly been getting to him. I'm guessing it could be something along the lines of the thought of being married and having a young child have caught up with him. He realizes that 'this is his life'. For a lot of people it just scares the hell out of them when they have such a stable and planned out life. Maybe he doesn't take to criticism very well. Hopefully he can grow up some and learn to take it a little better. Either way, I hope you can work it out. And as it sounds like something of a big problem, I wouldn't expect you to be able to fix it tomorrow. Just try and take baby steps with him. Get on good terms. Start asking how he's feeling about things. Etc etc.

Answer 2

It sounds as though he took defense to what he perceived as criticism regarding not being affectionate enough. I'm willing to bet this isn't the first time someone in his life has told him that. I would also suggest there is a logical reason for his tendencies, such as he was not shown much affection (in the same ways or to the extent you desire) in his childhood, or he sees no need for it.

I would not take his most hurtful comments to heart. When we are very angry or feel threatened, our logical mind simply shuts off and we end up saying and doing things we would not normally.

Because you have a child together, I would not give up this relationship so easily. You did not mention anything else that signifies to me that the relationship is damaged beyond repair. Once he calms down, ask him when you two can talk about this situation rationally. I'm guessing he is already feeling remorse about the way he overreacted.

Regarding his affection level, one of two things will happen: he will make a conscious effort to be more affectionate in an attempt to make you happy, or you will accept that this is just the way he is and compromise your need. The final outcome will hopefully be a middle ground of these two.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Try separating for some time.See a person will never realize the value of another person until they leave them.Honey when some person is aruging then going along with it lot of thoughts pile up which may not be true or how the person feels. Its just release of pent up anger becoz the other person is not doing as they want.They just want to plain hurt the other person.So maybe he said that u can go but the baby stays.
Try staying apart for some time.Then he will be calling you back. it works all the time .

Answer 4

From the times, you had only ben dating for 10 months when you got pregnant... marriage on top of being a new dad might have just been too much for him to start with?
I think he & you definitely need some counseling of some sort.
If he's not willing to go, go yourself.

If you don't want to talk to him face to face, you mgiht want to try putting all your thoughts into a letter & sending it to him? Sometimes it's easier to write than talk & basically put in there that if he feels like he needs to reply, to write back instead of yelling or flipping out? But I'd talk to someone before doing anything, he sort of seems like a loaded cannon at this point?

Answer 5

If this has always been a problem for you then why didn't you try to solve it before you got married? If you guys truly love eachother and got married 3 weeks ago I doubt its over. If he has never been affectionate with you and you guys fell in love and got married why is it just now starting to bother you alot? He is obviously not happy about something bigger to make him blow up like that. Maybe something you are doing is really bothering him which is making him not want to be affectionate with you. He married you because he loves you, remember that. You need to find out what is really making him unhappy. Its probably something you are doing so find out and make sure you change it. My boyfriend broke up with me after almost 4 years and we have a 3 month old daughter together. My problem was that I was insecure with myself and I was always worrying about where he was and what he was doing and checking his phone. I had no reason to act like that cause he never cheated on me and he did everything to keep me happy. I never thought I was insecure and I never thought we would break up until it happened. I was heart broken and was willing to do anything to get him back. He didnt want me back until I could prove I could trust him. I went to counciling and got help for my insecurity and now we are planning on getting back together. Talk to him about what the REAL problem is and do your best to fix it. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 6

Number 1 you will come to appreciate the silent treatment one day. Especially when you are not in the mood to argue anymore. Number 2 he's just mad but I don't see why either. If he would act that way now imagine later on down the road. I would go back where my family is at. Just think about it.

Answer 7

You need to just go to separate corners and let each other cool down. A new baby can stress even the best relationships. You are overly hormonal and sensitive he is scared and unsure of himself. Give each other breathing room and try and talk later about issues. You have been together as a couple for so long it is hard when baby makes three. We all say and do things we don't mean when we are mad. Give it time and see how it goes. Goddess bless.

Answer 8

Don't jump too quickly to the idea its over. Marriage...relationships are hard. I learned to be affectionate to my wife. Can't say it was natural for me at first, but I came around. You did the right thing by communicating a desire. Make sure you do it in a way that doesn't make your husband feel inadequate. Men express emotions very differently. Keep trying with him. Tell him you didn't mean to upset him, but you just wanted to feel closer. If you approach things in away your husband can relate too, he might surprise you.

Answer 9

You don't really mention what you want here. You're saying how your husband doesn't give you the affection you want, and you talked to him about it, and he exploded, and now he wants you out of the house. Do you want to break up with him? How about figuring out what it is you really want, and then talking to him about what he wants, and then figure out what to dofrom there. Also, I can understand why he became so angry. You've been together for 2 whole years, and in all that time you've never mentioned that his lack of affection bothers you? It's gotta be somewhat frustrating. And maybe he also felt that, well, if his lack of affection bothers you so much, why'd you marry him?

Answer 10

He is acting out. Was it your idea to tie the knot? Sounds like he's punishing you for something else. This is a major control maneuver. Let him stew on it a while. The silent treatment will probably get to him first.