Is My Wife Cheating on me?

Question

Hi, I've been having troubles at home with my wife. We've been together for what i thought was a great 7 years, she's been a stay at home mom untill recently, where she took a graveyard job.Where alot of the guys she works with are starting heavy flirting with her. there wasn't a problem untill she told me she wants to go with these guys and hang out after work, I'm ok with that too. Untill she tells me that she's attraced to one or two of these guys. And it was like she was rubbing it in my face, that she has a eye for them. So i'm starting to get jeuolous and ofcourse the fights start..then after one day we had a blow up fight, we calm down, and she tells she wants to start having sex with other people, but she loves me very much. She says it's ok for me to have sex with who ever i want as well, i told her theres no way that I'm ok with being a swinger couple. we fight about that, and she says "Ok, I wont have sex with them"..But now she acting very wierd..Should I be freaking out???

Answer 1

Of course she is

Answer 2

Honey, any relationship that will work needs trust. If you don`t trust her, you definately need to talk to her about it, not trusting her I mean. Kids tend to stress stay at home moms out a lot. Try taking them off her hands and giving her a break sometimes. I don`t think you should worry about the fact that she may be cheating just yet. What`s really alarming is how you can`t trust her and that she would even think about having sex with other people. If it bothers you that much then don`t go spying on her or anytihng. Talk to her. Don`t make into a fight or screaming match and don`t say anything offensive. Don`t actually ask her if she`s cheating on you, that will start a fight. Just try to figure out why she`s acting that way. I hope you`re not having these fights around your kids. If you need to get some counciling or something, but starting fights and spying is just going to make things worse.

Answer 3

You should be very concerned and observant. There is nothing you can really do at this point but wait to see what she decides. It sucks bad and its a very troubling situation to be in. If she hasn't already, I'd say the possibility is high.
Although, you said she was a stay at home mother, so shes experiencing attention that she normally would not have and that will have a great affect on her new emotions and decisions. Try to show her attention as well in a new way, make her reflect on the good in your relationship and why you got together in the first place. It worked in my marriage with a somewhat similar situation. Just stand your ground and let this be her mistake not yours. Good luck man.

Answer 4

you have every right to be mad. having an open relationship changes everything and if both parties don't agree to it, it's not going to work. you need to sit down and tell her that you love her so much and are happy with her that you don't want someone else. And you can't stand the thought of somebody being with her. remind her of the vows you all took to be with each other only. if that still doesn't work, then perhaps you should try couples therapy. maybe she feels something is missing in you all's relationship and is trying to get that by going outside of the marriage - which is completely wrong. Either way, you better stop this at the pass before your marriage is ruined.

By the way, don't ever assume anything unless you have indisputable evidence. That just makes things worse.

Answer 5

Not freaked out, that won't help you OR the situation.

You'll have to decide whether you want to continue under the circumstances or just call it quits.
Point that out to her, so she is aware how serious you are. If she doesn't respond in any positive manner, your marriage is pretty well done.
If she does, you may have a chance.
Been there, seen that; there isn't much you can do unless she still has interest in the relationship.
If you tell her you'll fight her for custody of the kids, you may be able to get her back to reason. If she already stepped out on you, she is probably lost to you. Women, when they screw another man often get totally into a trance and switch allegiances.
Mice, when losing one mate and getting with another, will usually abort any litter they carry spontaneously, since the genes tell them that the new male will just kill the pups, and thus they become a unwelcome burden, using strength that will not end in new life.
Except for the spontaneous abortion, human females aren't that different (some have actually been known to kill their own kids in order to be unencumbered for the next guy)
Good luck....

Answer 6

I would freak out!! The signs are all there that she either has cheated or is thinking about cheating. 7 years is a long time to just throw away I know, my ex husband left me after 5 years for another woman. Talk to her and make a decision. Either get therapy together and work on the problem, or leave the situation. It's a very hard decision to make and I feel for you... you deserve better! You deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who loves you and ONLY you!

Answer 7

I guess you need to discuss whether or not to stay married...unless thats the kind of marriage you want. To have your wife admit that she wants sex with someone else and that you can also is not normal. She's obviously had her head turned by the attention that she is getting from these guys....too bad it will take her awhile to figure out that they are losers and they don't really love her...they just want sex...big difference. If you go for her idea then thats up to you...but if you don't like it, then after you 2 talk, you should separate...Maybe then you will find some peace and maybe, in time, find someone who does want only you. Being faithful to your spouse is still an ideal marriage...

Answer 8

Freaking out is not the word. As you already know she is having sex with them. The problems is that all she knew was you. Now that she has a new job with horny men that tell her what she wants to hear. It was just a matter of time. If she wants to go out with the fellas make sure you are invited to the orgy too. Don't blame them, men do what men do. You also know that if you sleep with other woman that she will eventually hold it against you? You may have to start a scene at her work, letting them know that you know she is sleeping with them, make sure a manager is around for that one. He'll put an end to it. Look into filing sexual harrassment on her behalf at her job, that will scare them away or at least get the boss to thinking....good luck

Answer 9

I would of been freaking out right when you said she wanted to have sex with someone else besides her husband. There is something wrong and perhaps needs to get off the graveyard shift and not be around these guys anymore, or even a job somewhere else.

Answer 10

Yes you should be freaking out! You need to decide what you want to do because I think your wife has made it very clear she does not want to be in a serious relationship with you any longer. There is no doubt in my mind she is having sex with other men. You need to protect yourself because you do not know if she is using protection or not. Are you going to sit back and allow her to act this way? Or are you going to leave because you deserve something better? From what you have said it does not seem as though your wife is going to change her behavior anytime soon so you need to decide what you want in your life and how much you are willing to turn a blind eye to.

Answer 11

Sounds like she's getting more validation from these men at work then from you at home. She is enjoying all the attention. When people are married for a long time, they forget to keep dating and trying to win each other over. Sometimes they forget why they are together.
People only cheat when they're afraid to share their thoughts of inadequacy, insecurity, and deep dark fears, needs and doubts. At least she is sharing with you her enjoyment of all the attention, and how she is feeling about it. You may need to put your foot down here....
It is never a good idea to turn away from your partner and look outside the marriage for a fix to a problem. You have the advantage that she has clued you in to a problem.
You must be quite oblivious if you think that the entire marriage has been happy. You let her stay at home the entire time and do everything for you, the kids, the house, etc? Each child alone is equal to two full time jobs, now add the housework, etc.
She does all that and you think she is happy? Are you paying her hourly what cooks get paid, maids, childcare workers, etc? She should be making around $200,000. plus benefits.....
She needs some of her own validation. She needs to be around other adults. She needs to be challenged and make accomplishments. She needs, most of all, a great deal of appreciation from her husband. Kids are ungrateful, disrespectful, and manipulative. She has to deal with that all day....
You need to step up and do two things every day to enhance her life. Openly appreciate two specific things you love about her, EVERY DAY. She is craving that, and there are guys who will give it to her.
Unfortunately she thinks that sexual attention means that she is more worthy and feels compelled to reciprocate.....YOU should be the one giving her those feelings. Not letting the guys she works with get away with it.....
She should quit her job and find one with more compatible hours to yours, or you should. You need to MAKE the time to keep dating, flirting, and trying to win each other over.
If you were surprised by all this then you have not been doing your job. You should know how she is feeling because you should pay attention to her, and you should be inspiring positive thoughts about herself.
It's alll right, because you didn't know. But you do now, so it's your choice. Choose to be different. It's not about being right, it's about being happy, getting yours and her needs met, and accepting each other as you are.
Tell her you are sooooo sorry for not being easy to talk to or for not listening to her. Tell her you want to give her what she needs. She might not be able to tell you exactly, but it goes something like this:
All people alive want to be important, special, desriable, admired, needed, useful, skilled, recognized, valued, validated, listened to, saught after, respected, accepted, appreciated, and #1 with their partner. Women especially want to feel cherished. Men need to feel especially powerful.
Women get insecure, even more so with time and age. They need extra validation that they "still got it" even after a decade and multiple kids. There is a lot of pressure to be superwoman, AND a supermodel/porn star. Impossible. She needs to not only hear, but to know and to feel (from you) that she is ok, she is just fine the way she is, and she keeps getting better with time and experience. She will want to brag to her friend about you if you inspire this in her.....and no other guys could shake a stick at that.
Don't allow others to drive a wedge between you and go outside the marriage. If she already has, then you should now understand why, and forgive her and be what she needs from now on.
Take care!