why cant i climax ?

Question

i cant seem to get climax during oral/sexual satisfaction

i am lesbian i tend to feel the sensation and it goes away very quickly to the point where i tried over again i just get frustrated at times and at times it doesnt even bother me

i dont think its the other person i personaly think its me personally and at times i think i need to see a doctor ...
when i was younger i sleept with a man to prove a point .., the point that men DONT satisfy me and i just wanted to see if there was a difference... it just didnt work i still felt NO SENSATION there either

...im NOT shy...i've tried all different types of toys and the ONLY ONE that works is the vibe "bullet" and when i use a "strap-on" on a female i climax aswell ALL other feelings when im with a female are there EXCEPT for the fact when i cant climax...i try masturbatin and it only works when "I" do it and when my partner or others try it DOESN'T work...a lot of people say its mental but it still doesnt work HELP ME!!

Answer 1

First, this is probably partly a mental thing. Just relax and don't try to achieve climax, just enjoy the closeness with the other person. The touch of human skin is very healing to both parties.

Second, don't rush in to the actual act. Make sure you have enough time to produce the needed feelings of for-play. It could be that it takes you a long time to get worked up. There is nothing intrisically wrong with this.

Third. Try different surroundings, try climaxing yourself to a specific song a few times, and then play that song when you are with the other person (this is conditioning).

Fourth. If this is a real problem, there could be something medically wrong. See a doctor if you have a gut feeling you need to. Listen to yourself and your body.

Above all relax.

On to another problem others seem to be picking up on. You seem to allude to the possability that you are confused about your preferences -- man or woman. First, and most importantly, this is nobody's business but your own. People can object or approve of it to a fault, but they aren't you, and they don't like having others judge them or what they do in their bedroom.

If you are questioning this, it can lead to problems similar to what you are having. Maybe it is time to stop seeing others for a while and just sort this issue out in your life. Remember, you don't have to like one or the other, maybe you like both. Do whatever you feel completes who you are. When you do decide to be with someone forever (or an extended period of time) do it because it is what you want to do, not what the other person wants to do, or what your other friends want you to do.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

You are in a rush - even you question is in a rush to make the points ! Instead of trying to achieve orgasm - try not to achieve it - I have heard this advice given by the famous sex therapists Masters and Johnson ! It is using reverse psychology - which is very potent, powerful and normally very effective. Don't try to achieve anything but just simple pleasure. Again Masters and Johnson gave the simple advice of just touching one another, but not to touch the genitals - that apparently can be very successful. For you it has become a competition - and that is the paradox - the more you try - the more you fail - don't try - just be! There is also the question of you're being lesbian - many times I have heard about homosexuals and lesbians being friends and finding that when they relax together - all the posturing and labelling disappears and they inexplicably end up in bed together - why ? Because in my humble opinion, being homosexual or lesbian originates from a fear of the opposite sex. Sex is not about being good or successful or overcoming some obstacle - it is about being rude, naughty, wanton, about being base, animalistic, but above all - it is about release - that is why it is called a climax ! You are trying - don't try - just be and let your body dictate the course - not your mind. You might find it's something as subtle as location that's hindering you - spontaneity is what sex is all about - if it is planned or contrived, it's either boring or just a complete failure - which then can lead to feelings of inadequacy or animosity by both parties involved - so be lucky and just relax and let nature take it's NATURAL course!

Answer 3

orgasm often has a huge mental component ... it might be that when you are using the strap-on and your partner climaxes, this is really hot for you because you are topping her ... there may be something about being in the "bottom" role that is a mental turn-off to you and that's why it's not working for you

master's and johnson did some research and found that there are many women that can't orgasm if they are on their backs ... i think the percentage was around 20% of women couldn't do it from that position ... one position you might try is lying on top of your partner and having her reach around your butt and stroke you from behind ... you can use your imagination for coming up with other positions to try

btw, as long as you can climax sometimes, there is nothing physically wrong and a doctor can't help

Answer 4

Maybe u like being in control in the sack. I mean, u said the only times u climax are either when ur on the giving end, and ur partner's on the receiving end, and when u do urself. I guess u just have to change ur mindset and maybe that'll help.

Answer 5

Try and try until you succeed or ask help from your friendly-neighborhood doctor. Perhaps do research on it on the internet or at the library. I know there are a lot of good resource information on the subject. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think that you are thinking to much about it. If you focus on trying to climax, it's not going to happen. You have to completly let yourself go and just enjoy the moment and focus on nothing except the pleasure you are feeling.

Answer 7

No its not u.,its Ur denial.Maybe u went through something in life that made u not want to like men,,and it triggered a bad feeling,,that wont allow u to be comfortable.......Be honest maybe Ur not really gay maybe u hate whats been done to u.

Answer 8

I do think it's partly mental. You haven't said if you tried new surroundings to have sex in. Think of things to spice up your sex; not just different people, positions, or toys.

Or try staring at my pic...most women get aroused to orgasm that way.

Answer 9

If a toy can do it, you can do it, but another person can't then they must be doing it wrong. It's also possible you have a psychological inhibition that prevents your from reaching orgasm with another person.

Answer 10

first you could be addicted to sex and your partners orpartner think your mental because you cant stop with the addiction try to talk out with that person and understand them how they think your like that