Is there anything to make him listen to me?? I am black and white and quite frank with my feelings. I feel like I am screaming at a brick wall! What else can I do??
2006-08-05 14:44:25 · 16 answers · asked by mizz_cassie_cass 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, make sure your actions are matching your words. Actions play just as much of a roll in listening as words do. Basically, I am saying not only say it, but wear it too in everything you do.
Secondly, I think that maybe you could be talking more about how you feel than what you need from him. Sometimes we get better reactions when we let them know what we need because then they don't feel criticized...I think when we talk about feelings, they somehow decide that they are to blame for how we feel.
One more thing...maybe yelling isn't helping your situation at all. Try making a statement and then leaving the room...plant a seed so to speak. Sometimes that helps because it gives them a chance to think about what you just said..a few small words versus a lot of words can make them pay more attention. Just my two cents...good luck to you!
2006-08-05 15:26:25 · answer #1 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all don't scream, whisper! Haven't you ever noticed, that people pay more attention to a person when they are trying to tell a secret? Most men are not tentative listener, and some listen, but don't hear. Then again there are some that just don't care what we have to say. I don't know which one you have. Timing - don't try and talk while he's watching TV, or busy doing something else. Don't use accusatory wording (I don't like it when YOU...) try (It make me feel______ when I talk to you and I don't have your full attention). When he answer you when you ask a question, reword it back to him as a question (...do you mean...or ...are you trying to say....) This let's him know you are listening to him, and help you understand what he is meaning. This might make him more attentive in listening when you talk too. More tactic are, make him a lunch and put notes in it. Make him a tape or CD of his favorite music with you as the DJ. Post notes on the mirror in the bathroom, just be nice about it, and suttle. You can't MAKE another person do anything they don't want to do, but you can politely push the issue with little hints.
2006-08-05 15:06:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Wife and I have the same problem. Sometimes I don't listen very well. It is not because I don't care, because I do very much. But I think it is more because of being over loaded by life's issues. As far as everything being black and white. My wife sees things the same way. Black and white. But I see life as everything is not black and white. There is ways that things are supposed to be, ways that things are not supposed to be, and then there is the way it really is right now. All you can do is try to make it better. I Am just a average guy, and this is my point of view. I hope it helps you understand guys a little better : ) Good luck!
2006-08-05 15:03:53 · answer #3 · answered by krash 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to man-land.
First, you can't make someone listen. Second, screaming only makes them shut down even further. You may want to try negotiating a time when he's willing to participate in a conversation.
You'll have to set a time limit, because he's only good for about 15-20 minutes. You can't make it a nag/complain/whine session, because they shut down ALL the way. You also have to make it at a time he's good with...I know I don't want to hear anything for at least 30 minutes after I get home from work.
Chances are he'll never listen. You may want to try some couples counseling...they may help you BOTH with your communications skills.
Good luck...you'll need it.
2006-08-05 15:06:28 · answer #4 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is more likely to listen to you if your tone of voice is respectful. Pick a time to speak with him when he is in a good frame of mind. You might read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" to understand some of the differences in how men and women think.
2006-08-05 16:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would have better luck talking to a brick wall. Men don't know how to listen.
2006-08-05 14:48:55 · answer #6 · answered by sunsetigerlily 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately, that's how most men are. A man's brain works much different than a woman's, and they have the ability to tune us out while we talk and act like they're paying attention. You shouldn't expect your man to change, he's always going to be that way. If you can learn to accept it while you're young, you'll know what to expect for life!
2006-08-05 14:51:49 · answer #7 · answered by Rexy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Quit screaming - if he hasn't heard you by now he is NEVER going to. Move on and find someone with ears.
2006-08-05 16:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is sit him down and tell him you need to talk, tell him whats up then listen to what he has to say...Without screaming
2006-08-05 15:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hit him upside his head. That normally gets my fiance's attention! (not really). Try speaking with him about whatever serious issue you have. He may not even realize it is an issue. Also, he may be listening and you just don't realize it.
2006-08-05 14:49:42 · answer #10 · answered by consigliere 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋