Tell me what you think about this. Be brutally honest, but please don't be mean. Thanks?

Question

This is my poem, it doesn't have a title yet.



My brain feels crowded,
thoughts run to and fro.
They are a very persistent guest,
refusing to go.
Each one invites another,
until my brain is a jumbled mess.
Trying to kick them out doesn't do any good
you see,
For my brain never really has
done what it should.
Leaving all of life's questions
in my mind,
until LIFE it's my time.




Thank you!

OOPS! I missed a word. In the last line, I forgot to put decides! :)

Answer 1

I understand where you are coming from. Its not a bad start but I think it needs a little more thought. You will get it I am sure. Good luck.

Answer 2

I may also be brutally sincere every now and then, however I don't recollect it a advantage. In truth commonly, I've long gone again and browse a few of my solutions and idea "Wow, I'd fairly love to kick myself up the **** for typing that." I don't recollect it an admirable trait in others, although I realize I can endure from it. Or maybe I see a aspect of myself there that I do not like very so much. Ideally, while answering a writing query, my intention is to provide positive feedback. And I love to be ready to begin off with a praise of a few type. Even if the one well factor I can consider of is some thing alongside the traces of, "That is a few creativeness you've gotten there". From there, I love to be ready to slowly ease into critique. For illustration, "The factor approximately a primary draft is that there's regularly going to be mistakes in it. But that's cool. You've bought a well suggestion, now you have got to construct on it and upgrade. I could begin by way of ..." And then on the finish, I could say some thing confident, even supposing it's only "Good good fortune". As for non-writing questions, nitpicking one other men and women spelling or grammar is on no account going to make me appear sensible. And I do not recollect it sensible for different individuals to take action. You do not regularly realize the entire tale. English would be that men and women moment language, they could also be dyslexic or could also be having disorders with their keyboard. You on no account realize the entire tale. I desire that I would say that I've on no account performed this, however in fact, I'm as responsible as anybody else.

Answer 3

People use only 95% of their brain memory space. Such a waste.
I like the poem but the last sentence doesn't make sense. Until life?
You can't think if you aren't alive.

Answer 4

First, it shows genuine writing talent. It needs a little work...like getting rid of the cliches (to and fro...jumbled mess). Poems don't have to rhyme.

Answer 5

It's better than the other poems I've read on Yahoo Answers and
this is a compliment.

Answer 6

Very good, bravo, however you should consider going deeper into your heart and mind for a more closely relative poem to yourself. Let it truly explain you. Good job though!

Answer 7

Hey brave sister.... It was alright, I'm not the best one to ask.. there is a woman on 360 named hummingbird she writes poems check her out you to have a lot in common.

Answer 8

GIRL...u had me lost! I was like....what was the question! Anyways...it was a pretty cool poem. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Answer 9

I'm not too sure 'why' but poetry repulses me to a gag reflex. It's all too syrupy, sugary, key rap! But thanks for the oportunity to be brutally honest & I don't mean to be mean, just don't give a little ratsass fer poetry.

Answer 10

it's pretty good i like the content, but at the "try to kick them out...." verse, the rhythm gets thrown of and i had to stop and try to read it so it would flow. just work on that one area, other than that, great!