Ok ... I need some Advice. Please no Jokes !?

Question

Is making love suppose to hurt when you have done this many times....? I am serious. It hurts so bad that I hate it. Please no smart remarks. I am asking to find out if any one else has this problem.

I forgot to mention that it is with my husband of 30 years. We had not made love in over 10 years because of this.... Last night it was the first time in 10 years. I am serious.... I have not had any other partners.

Answer 1

With the above said and without the exception of "yes it hurts all the time" (false)- I would like to add that there is a "phobia" of sorts that will make the vagina shrink. It is brought on by anticipation/stress/trauma such as rape or child birth. Sometimes it could even be caused by not being mature enough to handle the emotions that go along with intercourse, or you could even just be so nervous because of the person your sharing this part of you life with. I experienced that when I had a major crush on a guy for over 5 years and when it happened it was NOT fun.

The term is Vaginismus:

Vaginismus is a condition which affects a woman's ability to have sexual intercourse, insert tampons and undergo gynecological examinations. This is the result of a conditioned muscle reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle in which they clamp shut, making penetration either extremely painful or impossible. The severity of vaginismus varies from woman to woman.

It is important to remember that the woman does not choose for this to happen; it is a reflex reaction. Vaginismus can be compared to the response of the eye shutting when an object comes towards it. A woman with vaginismus learns to expect pain to come with penetration and so her mind automatically sends a signal to her PC muscles to clamp shut, thus making penetration either impossible or very painful.

The condtioned reflex creates a vicious circle for vaginismic women. For example, if a teenage girl is told that the first time she has sex it will be very painful, she may develop vaginismus because she expects pain. If she then attempts to have sexual intercourse, her muscles will spasm and clamp shut which will make sex painful. This then confirms her fear of pain as does each further attempt at intercourse. Every time the fear is confirmed, the brain is being "shown" that sex does hurt and that the reflex reaction of the PC muscles is needed. This is why it is important that if a woman suspects she has vaginismus, she stops attempting to have sexual intercourse. This does not mean women with vaginismus can not partake in other sexual activities, as long as penetration is avoided. It is a common misconception that these women do not want to have sex as a lot of the time, they desperately do.

There is no one reason that a woman may have vaginismus and in fact, there are a variety of factors that can contribute. These may be psychological or physiological and the treatment required will usually depend on the reason why the woman has the condition. Some examples of causes of vaginimus include sexual abuse, strict religious upbringing, being taught that sex is dirty or wrong or simply the fear of pain associated with penetration, and in particular, losing your virginity. These are just some of the reported reasons behind vaginismus and there are many, many more. It is a very personal condition and so each case must be looked at individually as causes and treatment can not be generalised to all women with vaginismus.

Most women who suffer from vaginismus do not realise they have it until they try to insert a tampon or have sex for the first time and so it may come as quite a shock to them. Whether they choose to treat the problem or not is entirely their choice and they should never be led to believe that vaginismus must be treated. It will not get worse or more serious if left untreated unless the woman is continuing to have sex/use tampons despite feeling pain on penetration.

Secondary vaginismus
Secondary vaginismus occurs when a woman who has previously been able to achieve penetration, acquires vaginismus for one reason or another. This is often due to physical causes such as a yeast infection or trauma during childbirth, however it can also be down to psychological causes. The treatment for secondary vaginismus is the same as for primary vaginismus but in many cases the knowledge that you can have sex and have previously achieved penetration can aid treatment and speed the process up a little.

Answer 2

There are several medical reasons why intercourse could become painful (a yeast infection, ovarian cyst, etc) - consult your doctor to make sure. In addition, certain medications can have a side effect of making your vaginal canal dry - which can be painful during intercourse. There are also non-medical reasons why intercourse could become painful - stress, trauma, tension with your partner. Start with the medical reasons, and if those are eliminated, then consider what else is going on in your life right now and perhaps talk it over with a counselor.

Answer 3

It can for some of the following reasons:

1. Natural lubrication lessens
2. Think what happens if you continuously punch your arm - it eventually bruises
3. Some physical or medical problem interfering - see a doctor

These are just a few that come to mind, I'm sure there are many others.

Answer 4

when you know this answer please tell me I am 28 years old and I have problems something like it anyway it is so tight I have to play before the sex part in order for it not to hurt.It has never been really loose before.But after 2 c-sections I have had in the last 2 years seems it has gotten tighter. So just try playing a little first.It helps me.Some drs even say sometimes it is all in your head if you are stressed it can do that way.

Answer 5

When we were younger, I knew a woman who had this problem. She had to go to the doctor and have her hymen surgically treated. Back then you had to go for an actual surgery procedure in the hospital. I am told now, that this can be done in the doctor's office.

This may not be your problem. It could be numerous others. If you are sexually active, you should see a doctor anyway. You also need to realize that your doctor has heard it all and there is no need to be embarrassed.

Go! Get help! And ENJOY!!!

Answer 6

no its isnt supposed to hurt its either ur not wet enough and need some lubrication or hes too big or ur just dry but u should try some ky jelly and maybe u should shave ur outter lips outside ur vagina but if it still hurts the both of u go to a clinic and get checked out cuz u might have something.

Answer 7

I'm not seriously experienced to hurt when making love..but for me if you really felt hurt every time you maked love, i advice u to consult on an OB-GYNE..

Answer 8

If it hurts, you're probably not into it.

Without getting into too much detail about self-lubricating orifices and such... whoever you're with ain't doing it for you.

Answer 9

I maybe wrong but you may have an infection i would consult your doctor if i were you i do it ASAP. AND REFRAIN FROM INTERCOURSE IN THE MEAN TIME.

Answer 10

Maybe the guy is a little bigger in size than you have had normally. Other than that....I don't know.