Failed relationships. We all agonize over them. What could you have done differently, or was it up to you?

Answer 1

It's always up to us to an extent. When we see it going south, we all have to dig in a little deeper to pull it out of its failing misery. But what could I have done differently? Perhaps been older....wiser. Known myself a little better before entering into the relationship. I had dated a man for four years that was rather.....uhm...."bad" for me (for lack of a better word). Once I was strong enough to get out of that relationship, I think mentally I was looking for anything that was different.........and so I ended up with a man that was the total opposite of the kind of man I had ever dated before in my life. He was responsible......driven.... heading down a path of success. He knew what he wanted in life and was ready to go after it. Oh, it sounded like Heaven compared to what I had been going through for four years. What could I have done differently? Gotten to know him inside and out and backwards and forwards and in every single kind of situation there was to be in. We both had a large circle of friends and we all went out together all of the time. I realize now...... I dated the circle of friends....... not just this one guy. I had a ball....... because I was surrounded by people I so enjoyed. I knew us as a group....... but did I know him?? **shakes head** But he was the responsible one of us all. He was the one that would go on to be a success........ and he wanted me to share that success with him......... and I followed. What could I have done differently? Looked beyond..... into the future. Imagined myself as a "follower" rather than as a leader. I should have known that that was not me. What could I have done differently? Not been in a hurry to grow up and escape......... but been in a hurry to experience life and realize that his definition of "life" was not the same as mine. What could I have done differently? As soon as I realized this (which happened to be the week after our honeymoon) I should have said something. Instead...... I tried to be what he wanted me to be...... rather than who I was. What could I have done differently? I could have stood up to him and continued my way of life and not conformed to the point of misery. What could I have done differently? I could have left with my head held high knowing I was who I was!

But sometimes...... you don't know others........ until you know yourself. So none of those thoughts entered my head until much much later once I understood what was important to me.... and what was important to life.

Was it up to me? In truth? Yes. I jumped into something way too fast before I was ready. And only one person could make that decision for me..... and that...... was..... me.

Answer 2

You know, everything we go through teaches us something. Even failed relationships. But when I look back on all parts of my life, relationships and other parts, I would not have done anything differently, because (butterfly effect) if you change one thing then you change everything. If I were to change anything or even to wish others had done things differently, I might not ... would not ... be where I am right now with the life I have right now. So, I would not do anything differently in the past tense if I had the chance, but I suppose I would do things differently in the future if the situation presented itself. I do tell my daughters to learn from some things I have done. One thing I think is important is that when you find someone you want to spend you life with, make sure they want the same basic core things out of life that you do, or else one or the other of you will be very unhappy for a very long time if you stay together forever.

Answer 3

Before I met my husband, I was engaged to a man who broke up with me because I wouldn't have a threesome. I would do nothing different in that case, except maybe keep the ring and tell him to f*** off if he tried to get it back. It was a n awesome ring!

Answer 4

What kind of question is this ? It was up to me in the beginning but I assumed I knew what I was doing. I was providing. I lost her to the boys who quote poetry and promise things. I was my fathers son and didn't bother to think I was my own man. Now I'm learning to be my own man it was up to me and it wasn't. I don't know if that makes any sense. It was simple for me, you marry you stay married now I know it's not that simple. I wasn't completely innocent but I've got two beautliful girls who need me to walk and that's what I'll do. They don't need to be troubled with that and it's my job to walk from it I'm the adult.

Answer 5

Yeah, I would take 40% of the blame and give him 60. My own blame is only due to the fact that I misjudged him to a mature and competent person, when he was, in fact, dishonest and insecure.

Answer 6

I have a long line of broken relationships... and no there is nothing more I could have done... and no it was not up to me...

Answer 7

waited 6 months before I had sex to make sure we had equal respect for each other. sex is not love.