Should step-kids call me by my first name?

Question

My wife and I have know each other for 2 and a half years. We got married 8 months ago. When we met, she had 2 kids, ages 1 yr. and 5 months. They are now 4 and 3. We had our first child together last year and he's now 1 yr and 5 months. He has recently started talking and calls me Da-da because my wife addresses me as such to him. The step-kids were calling me by my first name, now they have started to call me Daddy. I am not comfortable with this, but I let it go on for a while. Now I've expressed that I want them to call me by my first name and she doesn't agree. She says that if they call me by my first name, then my son will have to also. Is this fair? I don't want anyone to feel better than the other. It would be wrong to have 2 kids calling me by my first name and my son calling me Dad. I'm thinking that would cause resentment between them in the future. Any suggestions? Also......their father does not play any role in their lives since they've been born.

Answer 1

Try and get comfortable with the other 2 children calling you Dad! Since their Dad is not in the picture, you are going to be the only Dad they know. Blending of families is hard, but since you became a part of the other children's life in their early years, things will work out smoother being "Dad" to all of them. When my 2nd husband, married me, I had two small children too. And then we had a son together. My kids made it very clear in the beginning that they wanted no half brother or step-dad. So, we never use those terms at our home. Its 25 years later and very few people know we are a blended family. We function quite well and no one screams "favortism" or "your not my Dad". Being called Dad is a high honor. So feel good that they want to use this term of endearment on you. The less you are reminded that the family is blended, the more cooperation and control you seem to have on everyone.

Answer 2

I say y not let them call you daddy? I mean you just said yourself that their own father hasn't been in their life. And you are the only obvious male figure they have around. I say let them continue calling them daddy. They really need that bond with a man in their lives at such a tender age. So don't be a stick in the mud and treat them as outsiders by calling you by your first name. You are all family now and use family titles. Being called daddy will not kill you at all.

Answer 3

Why in the world would you want to be on a footing of equality and familiarity with toddlers? Believe me, in ten years, are you ever going to regret it! ... Why are you so eager to make a distinction between your step children and your natural child? Have you given hard thought to the resentment this will eventually to, making a big deal out of this difference? If you expect to have parental authority over these older children (and your life will not be worth living during their teen years if you don't) then you had better LEARN to be comfortable with a parental title like Daddy or Father. If you insist on making a distinction between the steps and blood, then at least be "Uncle Ralph" to these two, not just "Ralph." You must instill habits of respect into young children, including respectful address, or they will grow to have NO respect for you. You are a parent here, not a pal or a room-mate.

Answer 4

well its not up to you or the mother on what her other two kids call you. it is up to them let them call you what they want to. dad, step dad, by your first name. i on the other hand i wouldnt want my daughter to call any other man daddy or any other women momma. But yeah it is more or less up to the kids. also you married her so you married into her family as well. and if these kids dont have a father figure around you should try to be a father figure for them if thats what they want they might be a little young now but that doesnt mean you cant do stuff with them like take them out and do stuff like the zoo and stuff like that. well i wish you all the luck

Answer 5

I am unsure why it bothers you. You love this woman and you knew she had children when you got with her. To them you are their father.

I think it is natural for them to call you daddy. It's true though if you start treating them different because you have a child of your own they will recent the baby. This will just cause more problems in the future.

Answer 6

Grow up! Those children are part of your wife and siblings to your natural child. If you married their mother and they live with you you have an obligation to love them and treat them as your own showing no partiality.

If you do not do this and from your heart you will breed resentment and dissention in your home and marriage, thus failing all the children, yourself and your wife.

Don't divide this family. You will cause more damage than you can possibly imagine.

Take it from someone who has been there and done that! I left my husband because he made my children feel like the black sheep of the family. Intolerable. All children are grown and none of them have a relationship with their father.

Answer 7

I was in this exact position when I married my husband. My kids were ages 3 and 10 when we married. We let the kids decide what they wanted to call their new stepdad. The younger one felt more comfortable with "Dad" and the older one calls him by his first name. This works out fine for us as a family. If your stepkids want to call you "Dad" they are just mimicking your youngest and want to fit in and feel as if they too belong. Please consider your stepchildren's feelings and let their decision to call you Dad be viewed as positive for your blended family. You will become used to it and more "comfortable" as time goes on. Remember, this should be about what the KIDS want to call you, and at 3 and 4 they just might be uncomfortable calling you by your first name. In the end, no matter what they call you, you are still the father figure. Good luck.

Answer 8

i personally think you do have every right to feel uncomfortalbe having these children calling you dad or daddy it makes sense to me

my opinion is though if it was me that was the step mother and i know i would feel uncomfortable as well because the children were not mine but down the road i would feel WORSE because i think they would feel left out - you say thier father does not play any role in their lives...thier brother calling you dad and they do not have one ..

i do not know i just think it would be a sad thing for them in the future.. i have a good freind that has a step mother and always called her mom her step brother called her father by his first name and she has mentioned many times she felt that made her father feel bad like saying you are not my father just by saying his name

anyway i hope i did not confuse you :P

good question :D

Answer 9

I think it would be an honor if I was in your shoes. If I was the kids I would be hurt if you said you did not want to get called Daddy. There real Dad is a dead beat Dad and they have you to look up to. I say let them call you what they want what will it hurt.

Answer 10

Their father ( lucky sperm ) has nothing to do with them. You are raising them in your home. It sounds like you are the daddy. Accept it and raise them as your own. I feel badly that my stepfather passed without me ever acknowledging he was more important to me than my father had been in the last 20 years. Do whats right accept the role and term that goes with it. You and the kids will be better for it.

Answer 11

If you stay in there life when they are grown they will look at you as there dad and the only dad they ever had..Nothing wrong with that let kids be kids and call what ever they like as long as there happy..