Noncustodial parent is very manipulative and emotional abusive what do I do?

Question

He wiil twist everything to try to make it my fault and try to get me introuble. Like he wanted me jealous with new girlfriend then when I said that's great I am happy for you he started to try to fight about visitation. He has a restraining order against him but he says its unnessacery and all my fault. As a matter of fact someone durning the visitation told my child that. He said he didn't know if he had a ride but he was going to try for a certain time for visitation I heard no more about it. He called the morning of and was mad because I was working and the child had a sitter. He had talked to the child but said no more to me. He said he told me it was definite more than once, I know he didn't. He always tries to make me feel horrible like I am going crazy. It's not I have grown to where I know what is going on I just want to be left alone!! He might even have someone listening to the parts that credit him or selectively recording to set me up.

I have not said any negitive to my child. His dad's visitation is when he heard that negitive about me. I have been very careful about that because negitivity about his dad is negitivity about him. He is a peace of him and I am not going to do that to him!!!!

For the order he saw our wedding stuff when going through boxes and picking up his stuff and went into a rage. He throw dresser drawer and everything the child and I ran to the other side of the van as to not get hit. He has a long mental history. As far as negitive vibes I have never felt better and really do not care about the past I just want the current stress to go away. I would love to have a brake and let him take the child every once in a while but as long as it is this way I feel uncomfortable that I would be putting the child in a non condusive enviornment. Everyone deserves to be happy even him however I can not change the way he is acting I need positive ways to deal with it. Thankyou all for your concern and I hope to even get more advice.

Answer 1

You have a child together. Was the restraining order you placed against him legitimate, or just a game? If you are serious about wanting the best for your child do this. Really think about what his side of the issues would be. Try to take emotion out of the picture. Forget the dissapointment and hurt from the marriage and divorce. Realize you will always be part of each others life and learn to cope with it. It sounds like there is a lot of hurt there. It sounds like you initiated the divorce and inside (if not outside as well) he didn't want the divorce. If you love your child you will do everything you can to be sure it has a healthy relationship with it's father. Don't sweat any recording. Any judge would demand to listen to the whole tape rather than a selective portion to make a decision. If you have a guilty conscience about anything...clear it up...for the childs sake. If not, you sound a little paranoid. Your statement really isn't that clear. Just know this, as long as you share a child, you will always be in each others lives. Learn how to deal with in a way that will not hurt your child. I wish I had. Problems from divorce have effected our children well into adulthood. Don't make the same mistake.

Answer 2

I am sure you are very frustrated. It is scary when you have to deal with a person like that (who sounds jealous and want to control your life and make it miserable)

I would suggest that you tell him that you will only communicate with him via email or cell phone/home phone messages that will be recorded. Let him know that you are doing this to avoid communications and arguments. You should keep a record of everything in case he takes you to Court. If he abuses email and cell phone messages or demands you to talk to him, let him know his obsessiveness is harassing and he must stop. If he doesn't, take his butt back to Court and request that he have supervised visitation.

If child exchange is a problem in terms of face to face contact. Make arrangements to meet him at a police station. If he refuses, take him to Court. You can probably go ex parte (meaning you provide him 24 hour notice and call the Court to request the ex parte hearing withing 24-hours. If your afraid of him, you don't have to give him notice; however, if there isn't eminent danger, I wouldn't recommend doing it. The Court may not help you without hearing his side.

Good luck!

p.s. If you record him, you have to let him know so that if is admissible in Court. I would send him a letter via certified mail or make sure you have a witness. Anything he has recorded without telling you is inadmissible.

Answer 3

Take it easy I know how u feel. I'm going Thur the same thing at this time. make that you don't do anything that can get in trouble. the courts won't listen to you, just the same way that they don't listen to me. My son's mom lies in court all of the time and i get from the judge, But then I bring proof that I was right then courts don,t want to hear you because it's in the pass. Its a mind game but stay strong for your children go get counseling and get a court order that will lay every thing out for visitations it's going to be hard but make the courts put it in writing. Good luck

Answer 4

pack up and leave, no forward address, no phone number, nothing. Don't tell friends, or family where you are going. Move to a small town, and don't get a phone number for a year. Make new friends, as long as you don't move out of state he can't do anything. Just register at the local police station and tell them what has been going on. Be safe and keep your child safe from this mental abuser.

Answer 5

No - that's not stable. I had a mom who exchange into very controlling and particularly manipulative. (I won't bore you with the main considerable factors) - yet each and every thing had to be performed her way - or under no circumstances! I under no circumstances had any options, and she or he must be bodily cruel too - so sooner or later i exchange into requested to do the dinner dishes (we had stay in help). I refused (stressing homework) and alter into instructed - do the dishes or go away this residing house! I packed a bag and left. Had a scholarship to Univ. and lived with an aunt till I graduated. maximum suitable decision I ever made. existence's too damn short! some women folk purely wouldn't have toddlers.

Answer 6

Talk to your child and let him know what is going on. Tell him he may hear some bad things about you from his father, but he is old enough to make educated decisions and knows whats right and what is wrong.
Then instead of arguing with him, keep it to the facts. If he says I cant pick up the kid until 9pm, tell him fine. Kill him with kindness and dont say anything to him that you dont absolutely positively have to. This will make him angry and as long as you keep your cool, it will show EVERYONE how much of an *** he is.
In short, keep it short and sweet and talk to him as little as possible.
If you have to speak to the devil, dont give him anything else he can use against you.

Answer 7

I fyou think he is recoding you then turn about is fair play. Except you should let your attorney hear the whole conversation with you being as nice as possible. See as long as one person in the conversation knows it's being taped it's legal to use in court...I know I have done it with my own manipulative ex. If he is beinf emotionally abuse to the child make sure you get that on tape also...or some type of reliable witness to said abuse. It is grounds for you to get full custody without him having any say or any visitation with suprvision. They may even order him to counselling. So try all that and if you think it has caused harm to your child take them to a therapist as soon as possible to have it all documented and so the therapist can help to deprogram what his father is doing.

Answer 8

Is your ex and mine related? Mine gets behind on chld support (which I already lowered to make it easier) and it is my fault, his new gf doesn't like the kids and it's my fault, the kids don't want to go with him and it's my fault. I quit letting it bother me. I was tired of always feeling like I was the bad guy when I wasn't so I just did what was best for the kids when they were with me and let him worry about what to do when they were with him. When he calls and starts his ranting I just calmly tell him that we aren't married anymore and if he wants to discuss something with the kids in a positive manner I will listen otherwise the conversation is over. When he comes to pick up the kids I make sure I have their suitcase packed and ready walk them to the door get a hug and kiss and walk back in. The kids don't need to see their parents at each others throats and as adults we should make them. Good luck

Answer 9

You need to get yourself together, honey and stop all of this back and forth stuff. Stick with visitation schedules and stop being pulled into a conversation with the ex. Just Shut Up and don't talk about your personal life. Do not comment on anything. You are not going to change him.....you are the one who must change your behavior. And, for heavens sakes, don't say negative things to the child......shame on both of you for that!

Answer 10

Sounds like you both need to grow up; think about your child first and foremost! I'm not trying to be rude, just real!