Why do I hate sex so much?

Question

I hate it. It is discusting. I think it has a lot to do with that my husband and I do not drink anymore. I used to get so horny when I drank. We found God, got baptized, our whole lives have changed for the better except for the sex. Now he does not want me to drink but still wants me to put out. I want to be a good God fearing woman, a godly wife and mother. I can't enjoy sex without feeling like a whore. I see sex as something specifically for reproduction and that's it. My husband has had a vasectomy, we do not want anymore children. I have sex only to satisfy his stupid man urges (no I don't say that to him- he has no idea how much I hate sex). I have to get into a slutty state of mind to have sex. I absolutely hate it. Why doesn't he feel guilty like I do? It just feels so wrong to me. Anyone got any helpful advice? Thank you.

drinking made it easier for me to act slutty for him. plus, yes, it got me in the mood. I could get aroused without it though, used to.

I'm just not sure how to have "godly sex"

Answer 1

You should seek Christian counseling. That is not a healthy view of sex, even from a Christian perspective. His urges are not "stupid". You should love the fact he still desires you, don't take that for granted.

Where is your view of sex for reproduction only rooted...do you have a Biblical basis for it? If so, I'd like to see it. I don't believe one exists.

Answer 2

Your main problem seems to be that you
are referring to sex as a slutty act !!
You've cemented that CONcept into your
mind and you are making reference to sex with
something you feel is dirty ....... SEX is not dirty
or a slutty act !! Only your reference to the act ...
the fact you & your husband were juiced and had sex
only means you both were in a different state of mind ..
Do you hate the idea of sex?
Or the sex act itself?
If you hate the idea of sex might be because you
remember your intoxication was what made you free
with sex. so you may feel that person was not you ..
but you are the same person ... Only without drinking
yourselves into a wasted mess .....

If you hate the sex act, well then you need to seek
some help otherwise both you & your husband
will not survive the marriage, you may have found god,
but you have lost yourselves from being sober ..
You should try and find each other again .....
SEX is not a slutty act, its one of the most beautiful
acts a human can experience with each other .....
good luck ......

Answer 3

It's okay for god fearing women to be slutty. As long as it is with your husband.

If god had intended for us to have sex to only reproduce he wouldn't have made it feel so good!!!

Isn't there a passage in the bible that reads sex is to be behind closed doors so that no one else can see but you and your spouse. I know that it isn't worded exactly like that but close to that.

What you share in your room is your business and as long as you are doing with your husband than there is nothing wrong with it. And you can become a slut if you want.

You've got your self believing sex is a sin and it isn't. It's only consider a sin when you do it with someone your not married to.

If you are thinking bad thoughts about sex before you have it it won't feel good. Because you have already told your self it was bad.

At some point and time you where sexually aroused by your husband even when you weren't drinking and you know this.

Think back to that time and remember what it was about him that turned you on. Then next time he wants it think of that moment.

Think of the pleasure and the release you felt. It's okay to spice it up. GOD WANTS YOU TO ENJOY THIS GIFT HE HAS GIVEN YOU.

You may not believe me but if you are as god fearing as you say you are than you need to talk with your paster about this. Get some advice from him or even a womens group in your church i guarntee they will tell you it isn't a sin to enjoy sex with your husband. And that it isn't strictly for reproduction.


Plus it is okay to tell your husband what you want in that area and he will thank you for it.

I hope this doesn't offend you. I really hope this advice can help you. Talk to you paster!!!!

Answer 4

maybe you need to find ways to turn sex into an intimate and loving connection with your husband. i'm not religious, but it seems that using sex as a source of intimacy with your husband would be acceptable to most religions. sex doesn't have to feel slutty, and it seems that it might feel that way because your husband has to get it from you when he's feeling horny. if instead you turned it into a loving and special interaction, you might not feel so slutty.

there are books on developing intimacy through sex and physical contact (though i don't know any off hand), or you could talk to someone like a counselor or even a pastor. also, try physical interactions that are intimate without sex sometimes, like massage.

just think of it as a way of developing a closer and more special and loving relationship with your husband. and make sure you develop that on your terms and not just on his terms. it should be physical interaction that you enjoy and not just the sex that he enjoys.

Answer 5

I think maybe you have a deeper problem than you just don't feel godly having sex. Sex is a beautiful thing shared between a man and a woman. God made us for each other so we could enjoy each other. the only way you would be wrong in gods eyes is if you were sleeping with someone other than your husband. sex is merely an expression without words telling your mate you truly love him and you enjoy being with him.

Answer 6

I hope this advice is helpful and not offensive, but since you asked, her goes.....It's all about attitude and choice. You say you are now a holy person, found religion, and so on....I disagree.......If you can't enjoy something so beautiful, and so intended to be beautiful, how can you enjoy life!? Sex, like all other natural things in this world, are gifts from our creator. It might be helpful to find a way to talk to a family, sex, or religious counselor and try to identify what it is that has damaged your ability to enjoy a healthy sex life with your husband and what will enable you to enjoy it again. Either way, I hope you and your husband will find happiness together.

Answer 7

I agree with the sex therapy advice. It's certainly not wrong of your husband to feel the same way you do. Sex is a very intimate union between a husband and a wife as God meant it to be. I'm not sure why you don't like sex as I don't know you, but some counseling or some self help books may help. Or talk to some of the other Christian women that you're close to. Hopefully they can help you out as well. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

well, you don't need to have Sex , you need to make love........This is something that you should want to do with the person that you love..... Maybe your husband isn't getting you in the mood, you shouldn't have to feel like a sl*t, you should feel tingly all over and want to engage in this activity, if not your husband may need to be a little more romantic. Just doing a quicky isn't sharing your love in the bedroom, thats just him getting off. Try to tell your man to be more romantic, kissing you, rubbing you, not rushing you.......... I hope this helps..... if you feel strongly enough about this, you may want to talk to a counciler and see if there is some other reason why you feel this way. Good Luck

Answer 9

You have a lot of good suggestions here and some idiots responded as well. First, God loves YOU. He designed this life to teach you how to be happy. Somewhere someone suggested that sex was unholy. Nothing could be farther from the truth. If you doubt me...go to your religious leader or call him anonymously and ask just what you asked here. I am sure he will tell you that life is not complete without the joys of sex with your loved one. Our religious leader told us that ANYTHING of a sexual nature that we both wanted to do without pressuring the other is OK in the sight of God. As you learn the true nature of God you will realize that he is a loving parent who wants the best for his children. He wants you to live your life and experience joy. One of the best parts of life is sex with your lawful spouse. If you cannot get your head around this then you really need to seek some counseling. By the way, there is nothing slutty about sex with your husband. Good luck and please get over it.

Answer 10

Were you abused as a child? You have connected sex with pain and punishment. There is a lot more going on here.

You are now using religion to avoid sex. When you drank, you simply lowered your defenses, but probably felt real guilty the next day, like you had commited some kind of crime. In fact, the way you talk about your religious conversion, you needed to have your soul cleansed. But for what? What crime did you committ?

There is a lot of guilt, anger and shame in your post, and I have a feeling it happened long before your marriage.

Answer 11

I understand how you feel, because I've been there. Experiences with sex when you're being unholy can really taint it when you're trying so hard to be a righteous person.

It took a long time for me to realize that God designed sex as a way to not only procreate, but to help husband and wife learn to cleave unto each other and become one. Sex within the bonds of marriage is a joyous, glorious thing. It allows us to salve each other's deepest wounds, to heal with love all the damage the world does to us each day, to be completely emotionally connected to our mate.

Another thing... a woman's ability to have an orgasm has absolutely nothing to do with making children. God gave us the ability to find sheer pleasure with our husbands, to have joy in the consummation of our marriages.

Please don't deny yourself, and your husband, this gift from God. True sharing and loving of one another, expressed physically, is a vital tool in keeping a marriage strong.