I am not a woman. I am using my niece's screen name. I met this girl about 3 years ago. She was 17 at the time and desperatly wanted to move out of her father's house, she wanted to learn how to sing as well. I let her to move into my house, and I gave her voice lessons everyday for free ( I am a sucsessful musican, so I have time and energy to spare) I also completely supported herm bought her everything she needed. I also found her work. I had no expectation of a relationship, but about a year ago we started up a romantic relationship. She is now 19 and I am 49. I go away sometimes for the weekend, and have been told by certain people she had a guy over while I was gone. What should I do, should I kick her out.
2006-08-05 09:26:53 · 17 answers · asked by Rose 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ah you knew this day was coming. Of course she found a younger guy. You are way too old for her and should have known better. I'm sorry for you cause I know it hurts cause you did do a lot for her, but you need to be smart now and ask her to leave. Nicely but firmly. It's time for you to find a girl your own age, not one you can raise and support like a child -- which is what you were doing.
2006-08-05 09:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by DD 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you have some control issues and maybe some inadequacy issues.
It gives you power to be so generous, and have something over her. You have made her feel like she owes you something.
She is young and her brain is still growing. This gives you the advantage, and you know it. You need to be in control...
Do you feel inadequate around women your own age? Do you feel like you would disappoint them? Do you feel transparent? Do they make you feel emasculated?
Technically by the way laws define the age of consent, you are not considered a pedophile....
But you share the same pathology as a pedophile...
Does taking advantage of a young girl make you feel more powerful?
She is craving male attention because she didn't get what she needed from her father. Continuing this relationsip will damage her. She has issues she needs to resolve, and so do you.
You need to create some distance and do some serious soul searching. Ask yourself, why do I do this? Then ask yourself, what if she were YOUR daughter? How would you feel about a guy like you?
2006-08-05 16:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this sounds like an inevitable situation. It's natural for you, at 49, to be attracted to her, to want to take care of her and to want to settle down. But for her, at 19, it's natural to want to explore the world of relationship, try different men and find out what she really wants and needs. I think you should have a serious talk with her about what she wants, then help her find a new place. Your relationship has run it's course. It's time for her to be on her own.
2006-08-05 16:47:52 · answer #3 · answered by Andrea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is just nineteen, so no matter how adult-like she may seem she may still have some growing up to do.
More than likely, she is checking out the water while you are gone.(if you know what i mean) I personally would tell her that she has to move out, but i wouldn't kick her out, give her a time frame to get a place, remember that you have thirty years of experience on her......... try not to be bitter, i think she is just to young and your relationship was probably her reaching out to you because you helped her,, i don't doubt that she cares for you, but it sounds like she is too young to be settled down, i would let her go and I would spend my time looking for someone a little more mature. Good Luck
2006-08-05 16:58:57 · answer #4 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is allow this girl to have freedom from you by letting her go. You should have known that taking in a 17 year old with nowhere to go should lead to trouble. But my question is how did you guys meet? Are you friends with her father as well? If it was your 17 year old daughter would you want a 47 year old man to take "care" of her?
2006-08-05 17:34:41 · answer #5 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to her about your feelings. And don't bring up all the things you've done for her in the past. Those are things you did out of free will. She doesn't owe you anything for that. This is crude, but maybe she just thinks of you as a free ride. That's why you have to talk to her. You'll never know what she's thinking, and she'll never know what you are thinking unless you communicate.
2006-08-05 16:33:43 · answer #6 · answered by WEIRDRELATIVES 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U idiot, You are taking advantage of this girl who is old enough to be your grandkid..She's too young for that Sh...t she hasn't experienced life enough yet to be tied down by someone like you...Damn dude this is not cool at all..Remeber you were young and very impressionable before...don't try to wife this kid let her be a teenager and live her life....You shouldn't kick her out but since you have already started it, help her get her own place and let her live life...she has not even lived a quarter of her life you and you're sounding hurt???!?!? You should be ashamed!!!
2006-08-05 17:14:04 · answer #7 · answered by PLAYA 4REAL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for a musician i figured you would have now when someone was playing you like a fiddle . the sad thing is that you probably won't care because she is 19 and you are a senior citizen
2006-08-05 16:33:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should defiantly kick her out because you are to old for her and are you guys going out? well you shouldn't go out Cu's you are older than her that is child molester so don't have her in your house were you can get in trouble with the Poe Po's OK kick her out!!!!!
2006-08-05 16:35:48 · answer #9 · answered by keybobbie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO I whould not put her out until I know for sure she is haveing over mans in your house.
2006-08-05 16:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋