Is it wrong of me to feel like this? HELP!!?

Question

I lost a baby at 24 weeks and now everytime a friend gets pregnant / I see a baby of anyone we know, I cant stop crying and feeling really bad. I understand there is a grieving period - but I really cant be happy for anyone we know, and I feel really bad about this. Its starting to affect my relationship too, as I feel inadequet and as if he deserves better. We already have one child, but was a battle to keep him. I just dont know what to do - how can I stop feeling this way? will I ever be happy for anyone - people have stopped telling me they are pregnant as they dont want to upset me!!!
Please no horrible answers - I need people with sensible answers to try and help me.

Answer 1

I lost my baby at 11 weeks, on the day of my brothers funeral. I felt horrible and since it took me seventeen months to get pregnant with him in the first place, I knew I would have to wait years to get pregnant again. I was completely depressed, crying everytime i saw a baby. Some friend of ours had announced about a month before us that they were expecting, but the husband told mine that they didn't want the baby. When my husband went to visit them after the miscarriage, I couldn't go, because I would feel so bad for that baby that wasn't wanted. All I could think was "why me?" Well one night while i was laying in bed crying, It suddenly occurred to me: "Why Not Me?" . Is there anyone else in the world I would wish this all on? Not even the person I hated most. If it has to happen to someone, then why not me? I got pregnant exactly one month after my miscarriage, and she is 21 months old now, and so precious to us both. I know my situation doesn't compare with yours since you were soo much farther along than me, but I understand a little bit of how it feels, and I think it is not wrong, just painful. I think counseling might help, and maybe making a time limit for yourself. You are allowed to cry, but only for fifteen minutes, then you have to get up and make yourself start living! Go out and do something, even if you don't feel like doing anything. Maybe volunteer for a childrens charity, or to read at the library, find something you are good at ,and do it! Children are a fact of life and you can't avoid them forever, so just make them a part of your daily life, and if you can't be blessed with another one, the bless someone else with a helping hand and lots of love. I know it sounds cliche when someone says that everything happens for a reason, but I beleive it to be true, we just rarely get to know the reason! My sister and I were due the same day when I miscarried. While she was in the hospital immediately after her delivery, I was with her. She started hemmoraging in the bathroom, and If I hadn't been there she would have bled to death within 5 minutes (she thought she was peeing a lot). If I had not miscarried, I would not have been with her when she had her baby. Everything for a reason! Also, I my youngest is a special needs child (possibly autistic) and if I hadn't lost my baby, I know i would never have understood how precious she is and never have had the patience to deal with her! I will keep you in my thoughts. Take care and baby dust!

Answer 2

There is no actual time for you to get over that type of an experience. You as a mother will always have feelings that aren't so great. As time goes on you will get over that feeling, its not your fault that you lost your baby things happen every day that we dont understand why it happens. I know the feeling and no your not wrong for feeling the way you do... only human nature everybody reacts differently if they didnt we wouldnt be special in our own way. Have you tried for another baby or are you afraid that you will have the same issue? I am currently 26 weeks adn I am scared to death..... this is my 5th pregnancy I lost a child at 6 weeks and I have had two severe cases of preeclampsia and both times I have been put on bed rest and am currently on bed rest at this time. the first case I had my daughter was born at 28 weeks and she stayed in the hospital for 2 1/2 months she is now 5 years old my second case I had last year I was at 33 weeks both cases emergency c-sections. I dont want you to feel bad about what I'm telling you but I want you to know there are people out there that have been through the same thing and have felt the same way you are feeling now. It took me two years to get over that lost and the feeling of not being physically equipted as I like to call it. Right now at this point in time during this pregnancy I am felling that way again. My husband tries to be there but men dont really understand what we as women go through being pregnant and having complications. Try talking to your husband and let him know how you feel if he really loves you he will understand that it was very hard for you and you just need a little more attention and more love and care. Its probaly driving him crazy as well and he probally doesn't undestand. Try talking to him and see where that goes. As far as the crying I had to learn to smile and look away there are alot of things that yoiu can do to try and come out the baby blues feeling.......Again there is no one that can tell you when you shpuld stop feeling bad or how you should feel. I hope this will help you in your time of need. Take care

Answer 3

You have a right to be sad. 24 weeks is rather far to lose a baby, and I am sure it hurt very bad.

I wish I had advice as to how to stop the pain, but I don't think there is any. I have lost a child as well, and I remember being the same way. Time is the only thing that made it go away. Of course I still think of it, but I don't cry anymore when a friend tells me they are pregnant.

Was it recently? You just have to give it time. Good luck on trying again if you choose to do so.

Answer 4

I had 5 miscarriages and felt EXACTLY the way you do. It is normal and you need to give yourself the time to grieve. There is no set time for this and do not let anyone tell you that 'it is time'. It is time when you are ready, especially when the miscarriage occurred so late in the pregnancy. I can't tell you how to stop feeling the way you are feeling, only that it is natural and will slowly fade (but not go away) as time goes on. If you find that you are having symptoms of depression and it is really affecting your life, there are therapists that deal with this kind of loss. I, too, avoided friends who were pregnant and baby showers, etc., but in time, I was able to jump back into their lives. My thoughts and prayers are with you and good luck!

Answer 5

Ok, in 2000 I lost a baby when I was 6 months..I couldn't even go by the hospital I had been at..I was so depressed, lost weight, cried when I saw a baby, same as you..it will get better, trust me..I just started doing things like working at an emergency children's shelter, I became a child care provider, I stopped worrying about if I'd have another... and Dec.2004 I gave birth to a baby boy..so give it time..

Answer 6

I have 1 son who is 5 yrs. old and my husband and I have been TTC for about a year with no luck. I have those same feelings sometimes too. My friend just had a beautiful baby girl on Tuesday and I cried for an hour at the hospital before I could even hold her. I am truely happy for her but I do so much wish it was me. I think it is normal to feel this way if you have had a hardship in trying or a great loss like yours. At this point I haven't done anything about my fellings, but maybe you should (and myself too) talk to your dr. about it. Maybe he can suggest some way to grieve for your little one and still be happy for others. Good Luck and hang in there! :0)

Answer 7

Perhaps you need to see a doctor for counseling. I lost three babies and I went into a deep depression. I did the same thing you did, I couldn't be happy for anyone pregnant, I couldn't go to baby showers, I would just cry and cry when I saw babies. This didn't go away until I had a baby but I think counseling might have helped me, so I hope that might help you. Anyway I know what you are going through and I do hope that things get better for you.

God Bless!

Answer 8

See you doctor and discuss anti-depressants. I have been through something very similar. It was over ten years ago and it is still quite painful for me. After several years of suffering, I started feeling like you - my DH deserved better and would be better off without me. I considered divorcing my soulmate, so he could have a better life. Though I didn't actually consider suicide, I did believe that he would be better off if I were dead. I finally broke down one day on the phone to my mom, she insisted I see the doctor. He rx'ed an anti-depressant. It took a few weeks for it to work, but I was back to my old self in just a few months. It was such a relief. It didn't make the pain of losing the baby go away, but it did equip me to deal with it. I only had to take the anti-depressants for a short time, but they may have saved my marriage and possibly my life.

I went on to have a beautiful little boy in May of 04 and I am ttc again.

I wish you peace and happiness.

Answer 9

I really don't know what to say in terms of advice, except that I hope it is normal to feel that way. My daughter was born early and has had a lot of medical problems. She is doing well now at 9 months but I feel similar to what you do when I see someone with their baby. I would not change a thing about my daughter so I am not sure why I feel this way. I just wanted to let you know that it is probably normal. Do you have someone to talk to? A friend, doctor, etc. i was put on antidepressants. have you tried that? Good Luck.

Answer 10

Your not wrong at all for feeling this, your in soo much pain, and seeing happy pregnant people is just a painfull reminder. You need to seek therapy and perhaps even some medication, in time you'll learn to live with your grief and be able be around children and pregnant people, but for now it's good people are being understanding.