What would you do in this situation?

Question

I got married 2 yrs ago.We don't live together at present due to travelling for work.I live with my parents-in-law for some time.
My husband had a child with another woman at 19 yrs old. He never married her and never wanted something serios with her.I was told his ex-girlfriend comes from time to time to the house of my parents-in-law.But, the thing is - my parents-in-law and this woman get together every week-end.Truely, I dont feel good in the company of my husband's ex and decided to stay out of this comany.I never join them.I just spent my weekend in my room by myself.I have been told I act like a stupid girl. But, am I supposed to be "happy" and to join all my husband's exs? But seems like my mother-in-law doesn't care and feel preety comfortable in her company.Tell me, how would you feel about that? What would you do? I have a little bb and I cant leave this house for the moment.

Answer 1

It's an uncomfortable situation, no doubt about it. And the desire to stay out of her presence is natural, but consider these two things: (1) there's a child there who is basically your step-child, and you can't have a relationship with your husband without a relationship with his child.(2) The situation will remain uncomfortable as long as you don't know this woman, and she may develop tension with you as a result of your being standoffish and display reluctance to let you be around her child. This is a big intrusion into your comfort zone, but that's one of the things that comes with being married: an acceptance of those important things in your spouse's life. And nothing is more significant than one's child. You may find that once you put your feelings in perspective, you might actually like her...at least enough to have casual social contact with her. If you don't, you don't, but you will have tried, and that's all anyone can ask. I know this is difficult, but it's a challenge worth accepting. Marriage is a series of challenges. Go for the brass ring, and good luck to you.

Answer 2

Depends on you. I also would feel uncomfortable, but to be honest, my personality is to meet obstacles head on. Even if I did not "socialize" with the ex, I would make it a point of her having to endure my presence on the days that she visited. She may have increased her visits simply because she knows your there, and probably knows that she makes you uncomfortable. If your secure in your marriage, then her face and visitation is not any more important than another visitor, except for the grandchild. The ex also may have strong family values and very much want her child to know their grandparents--in this day and age, I'm sorry, but it is almost unheard of. If this is her reason, my hat is off to her. This may be the reason for her visits, but to come full circle, YOU will have to be a witness to her visits. I wish you strength and patience.

Answer 3

My fiance and my ex have been at the same dues many times and get along just splendidly I must add. My fiance actually works with her ex and he and I get along just fine thank you very much. He actually mentioned to my fiance this morning that he expects to be invited to our wedding. We had just discussed this a couple of weeks ago and thought that we wouldn't ask him, but if he wants to come then that's fine.

Fact is that this ex-girlfriend will be around for the rest of your life as she and your husband have something very important in common - a child. I would suggest that you start to accept this point and try to get along with this other woman. It sounds like your in laws still have a good relationship with her and it would be a shame for them to have to make a choice - you or her. Life is to short so try and get along with this lady and realize that s long as they share a child that, and it's fantastic that everyone still gets along so well, she will be present in your life.

Best of luck to you in doing the right thing.

Answer 4

Humm...I think I would do the same if i was in your situation....but I would defiantly talk to my husband about this little problem...I think that's kinda wrong for ur parents in law to have the ex around so often, something is wrong with this picture. Talk to your husband and let him know what's going on and that you don't feel comfortable in this type situation...Staying in your room is no problem...if they have a proble with that, you need to tell them the reason and I'm sure they should understand why your always cooped up in your room...good luck tho..