Do I stay after an affair?

Question

Husband had an affair with his emt instructor while I was away taking care of my sick mother....after I found out I told him I wouldd stay as long as he cut off all personal contact...he cant cut out completely with out giving up being an emt because she is oneof his bosses.....she also works in a nother town that he used to go to to go on runs to get experience....they have offered him a job as her partner....he would stay there 2 days then home 2 days.....do I let him do it? or just move on now???if I leave I also give up his 2 wonderful children that I have raised for 5 yrs.

Answer 1

It all depends on his heart. Is he remorseful? Does he want to stay w/ you? Do you see him cry? If his intentions are good and he's not being a jerk, I'd stay & try to work it out. But I'd be really careful with your boundaries-a good book for that is "Tough Love" by James Dobson. I've been through it, 8 yrs ago, and it's been a tough road, but we're still together because he was truly sorry. Don't be afraid to talk about it-I cared less about myself at that point and that was a mistake--I bottled it up and suffered alone a lot of the time because he didn't feel like talking about it. It's ok to demand that of him. Need more help-I'm an e-mail away.

Answer 2

Well, really you are the only one that can answer this question. For me though I have been with my husband now for 5 years. He cheated on me 9 months into the marriage, and let's just say it was hard on me. He worked out of state and when I found out about this he told me he would do whatever I wanted him to do. The first thing that had to go was his job. He quit the next day and found a job in-state. I really feel like he was sorry for doing what he did. And the old saying once a cheat always a cheat doesn't always happen. We are really happy and I think more in love now than ever. But, I really do think that his job has to go, and if he is not willing to understand the reason why he should quit, then maybe he isn't willing to change.

Answer 3

I'm afraid only you know the answer to this question ... you need to search your heart and follow what feels right.

I don't think I would be comfortable knowing that my husband was working so closely with a woman he had an affair with. It would eat at my insides wondering what they were doing together. I'm a bit surprised that your husband would even suggest such a thing after being caught in an affair with this woman. My feelings are if he loved you and wanted to make your life together as a family work he would do what ever he could to cut all ties with this woman and work seriously on your relationship.

Staying with someone you can't trust just because of the children isn't the answer. You definitely don't want those children growing up thinking that sort of behavior is acceptable.

Its never an easy choice to know whether or not to stay or to move on with your life. You need to stay true to yourself on this one and don't compromise the true you.

I wish you the best in what ever decision you make. Hold strong if this isn't the right guy ... the right one will come along.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 4

Don't stay. Run don't walk to the nearest exit.
So he has a choice to make, his career or his family and from the sounds of things, he'd rather further his career by doing his superiors. Honestly, what do you think he would be doing for those 2 days that he's away from you?
Are the kids yours? You could always try to visit. But if you really feel betrayed then by all means make him explain to the kids why you are leaving when you go.
A leopard cannot change its spots just the pattern.

Answer 5

okay,im not sure if this will help any but i sure will try. My step-dad cheated on my mom last year. I heard it from the grapevine but my mom and my sister hadn't heard it yet so I told my sister.When my mom heard it she was devistated! But she talked to my step-dad and they worked through it. Most of the time an affair isn't because of wanting sex and whatnot..they do it because they are missing something in their marriage. Maybe you should try talking to your husband..hopefully everything will work out. And if ya'll do split up it's all for the best im sure. You can still stay involved with his kids! I'm sure they would like to see you as much as you want to see them! Well Good Luck!

Answer 6

You are the only one who can answer that. Some people can still make a marriage work after an affair. It just depends on the couple.

The job would make me believe that it will be impossible for me to forgive and forget though.

Answer 7

first and formost you should talk to ur husband if he is willing to give up for that female boss.if he is interested in doing so,u can ask him for a new job.till he gets the new one,he can be on his old job.
But frankly speaking,don't let him do that partnership if u really love ur hubby and don't want to loose him.
And finally, if he himself is interested in hat boss-woman,and he does not want to leave her,then please move forward.don't worry about children. u can take them with u if u r eally attached to them and can start ur new life all over again.

Answer 8

i guess that's for you do decide.....do you trust him?do you think he wont mess around now tat hes gonna be in some other town close to the other woman with whom he had and affair?

m sure you don't trust me and so trust me once the trust is lost in a relationship there's no hope,you just need to move on....and if he is gonna loose you,its his lose,hes gonna loose a wonderful wife,a responsible mother and a reliable friend for life!!
trust is the base of every relationship and when this starts shaking,the day of it falling is not too far!!

Answer 9

To me, if a fiance' does it, fine, cool; you can kill the wedding. But a HUSBAND? Admittedly, they're capable of mistakes, but you know him better than we do. And two kids are not worth keeping a cheater over. Hated to say it, but come on. My advice to you, is trust your gut. Be wary of his moves. He has lost trust in you once. He must re-earn that trust. A HUSBAND has made a promise, a SACRED VOW and to me, having sex with ANYONE other than YOU while you're taking care of family, is a SLAP in the face. I wouldn't stand for it.

Answer 10

it seems that u want to stay. if you do that u will ruin your future.

u have to let him feel sorry for it otherwise this will not be his last one and i doubt its the first.

just leave and see how he reacts if he begs u to come back then u put ur conditions. if he doesn't beg that means u have done the right thing early enough to start a new life.

don't let his kids stop you from having a good life.