Help...what's going on in his mind?

Question

My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me a week ago as he's got big family problems (his Mum tried to commit suicide fro the thrid time last week) but he keeps tellimg me that he loves me and he keeps kissing me. I know that he loves me but he says that he doesn't need the responsability of a relationship...his family's really messed up and I know that he needs space and time to sort himself out as he is so lost but I don't see how breaking up, breaking my heart and his own is going to help things. He won't let me help him and he's pushing me away but he keeps saying that he loves me. I know that he loves me...What's going on in his mind? Will he see sense and realise that he needs me?I'm going back to Paris on Monday and he's coming to see me off at Waterloo. Will he come round? I truely love him and I want to be with him and to help him find himself again...why won't he let me help him? Why does he say that he loves me? Why is he doing this to me and to himself...? Help!

Other information, his parents have been officially seperated for 12 year but still live together and have slept in seperate rooms for 15 years. I know that he loves me and there is nobody else involved in the "us" situation. We are at university together in Paris and he didn't deal with everything before coming to Paris, he just ran away from it...I love him and he loves me, he's hurting me and himself but he's hurting himself more by hurting me...Any help would be appreciated...Everyone keeps telling me that he'll open his eyes and see what a fool he's been. It was all so sudden and 10 minutes before he broke up with me everything was perfect...Do you think he'll see sense? If he does should I take him back? Thank-you...

I've told him that I love him and that I'm always here for him. I've told him that I'll give him all the space and time that he needs and that if a break is what he wants then that's what we can do, the whole situation is complicated by the fact that I'm pregnant...he knows it...but even before he knew he kept telling me that he lived me. In his sleep he was sobbing that he loved me and that he needed me, that he needed to be with me and that I just wasn't saying the right things, what else can I say...?

We have lived together for the past 10 month in Paris, him being in London and me in Paris in only for the summer, so for a month and a half, a month left now...I came over for his birthday....

Should I let him kiss me...? I love kissing him, he makes me feel so special, but by not letting him kiss me will that make him realise what he has lost? When I go back to Paris should I just cut contact until he comes back to Paris himself...? What should I do...I want to be with him, i need to be with him, he wants to be with me he just doesn't seem to realise that it's maybe what he needs, someone who loves him and cares about him just as mush as he does...I suggested that he take a week or two away from his family, co;e out to Paris, into his apartment, I'll be there iuf he needs to talk, if he doesn't then that's fine, but it's so unhealthy in his house, the tension is unbearable...

Answer 1

Hey girl,
It's simple just look inside of his head. I'm sure he loves you. But when family tension creeps up on you, you can't think straight. I mean his mother is his god. Like any mother is to anyone else. He has so much on his mind that he doesn't want to screw up anything between you two at the moment. That type of stress levies a lot onto one person and you know what stress does? It's outcomes are blowing up on people who really dont deserve it. It's something that isn't too controllable and some people need to distant themselves so they dont hurt anybody else during such a rough time. He wants to fully be there for his mom and at the same time have that space in his mind where he can think things through on what he has to do. He has to be a man and be with his mother during her struggle. He might not want you to feel second to him. If he really wants to take care of his mom hes planning on just devoting his life to her for a specific amount of time. Also, he may just need the time apart to collect his thoughts and he's just in the middle of fustration. Remember, love comes in many shapes and forms. You don't necessary have to be 'in a relationship' to be loved and be in love. As he progresses, trust me he will come to you when he needs your support and your shoulder to cry on himself.

Just let him know that your there and if it's time that he needs then give it to him and let him know you'll be waiting for him until he sorts his life out. Until then, let him know that he gots a shoulder to cry on at any time.

When people go through stuff like that....they want to depend on themselves to fix it or patch it up, and when thwy need help they do lean to the people that make them feel better. And telling you he loves and kissing you helps him relieve his pain as well and he can trust you on that.

p.s. vote me for best answer
Just think simply.......

Answer 2

I don't think that he even knows what is going on in his mind. Be a nice friend and do not ever expect more for a long time. You do not deserve to be a part of this pain, especially if he is pushing you away. Go home and have a clear conscience that you made every effort to bring the relationship together and to help him and love him. You should have no guilt or bewanderment about what could have been. You deserve more--at least someone who wants you love and to be loved. This guy is not there yet. So, you can feel good about yourself and go on. You all might work things out in the long run, but I think your life will change when you are not around him and it will get better for you.

Answer 3

This guy is in need of some good therapy. Not to be mean, just telling the truth. It seems like he is not stable, anything can happen, just don't push his buttons to find out what he is capable of doing. I had a girlfriend one time that did that and I became really aggrivated. Give him some space to realize what he is doing. Not sure how far you guys live from each other, but long distance relationships take lots of effort, not to mention energy you are going to use in dealing with his situation. Good luck kiddo.

Answer 4

hi there, ur ex needs 2 concerntrate on family things rite now he still loves u very much but probably feels that by breakin up wiv yuo he no langer has 2 worry bout u 4 the time being, i think he iz puttin all his energy in2 lookin after his mum. i think the best thing 4 u 2 do iz 2 tell that that u r ther 4 him wheneva he needs u, n jus giv him space till things r settled abit more then im sure when his family problems r sorted he'll be back wiv u in a shot

Answer 5

I would say you need to give him some space.
Its not you, dear- its definately him. Let him know you love him, and go to Paris. Go date someone else. You CAN get on with your life.
Who knows? Maybe he will come around, maybe not. It sounds cold, but it is not your problem now.
Cry and eat ice cream for a week, and then get on with your life. If he comes around, great. If not- dont hold your breath. Men are so hard to gauge! Just do your thing, and let him do his. Be there for him if he needs you.

Im so sorry you got your heart broken. You will survive this.

Answer 6

The worst part is having them say that they are still in love with you - I can't see how that could be any more confusing????

You need to let it go for now, even though it may feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest.

It sounds like he does care for you, but he is not in his right mind at the moment.

All you can do is wait for his situation to be resolved. I am so sorry - it's going to be very painful for awhile. I went through something similar once and it really broke me in two.

I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 7

He does not need you. It's a poor guy that admits that he needs help, let alone help from a woman. He has problems and he will work on them and fix them. The last thing he wants or needs is a woman giving him the wrong advice and getting in his way.

He loves you, sure. He just does not fell that 'love' equals you being in every part of his life. He can handle things alone.

Answer 8

it is a form of self protection that boys do.. they have the stupid notion in their head that if they space themselves from the ones they love it will hurt less when they are gone. since you are going to paris he probably wants to protect himself from missing you and hurting on top of everything else thats going on in his life. if hes not willing to talk to you about his true reasons, he may not even realize himself -- its kind of an instinctive thing. just e there for him right now with his family and try to support him. if youre good to him he'll come round.

good luck darling.

Answer 9

give him some space tell him u love him amd that u will always b there for him, don't push him to talk about things he will do that when he is ready, as long as he knows that u r there when he needs to talk, going back to paris in 1 way is good as he will know exactly what he wants wen ur not there, all i can say is from my own expierience is, b patient, i hope that helps. good luck.

Answer 10

He just need space to deal with what he has on his plate. Your a distraction right now and he wants to deal with it on his own. I would just give him the space and he does still love you but do as he wishes. He is going through a rough time.