FUNERALS ... and children??? .... Should young ones ....?

Question

be exposed to corpse viewing??? or brought to funeral services?

Answer 1

I wouldn't *expect* children to view the corpses but ask them if they want to. It's a shame that modern society completely removes death from our lives. It IS a part of life. We aren't there oftentimes when our loved ones die, we ship the body quitely away to be embalmed by a stranger. It's become a bad thing, a taboo thing to talk about. i find that people w ho have lost those dear to them oftentimes want to talk about it to peer, coworkers, etc and they keep quiet because of this cold, uncomfortable stare they often receive. I feel everyone should become more involved in the deaths of their loved ones, and children are no exception. This society needs to remember that everyone dies and everyone is touched by death.

Answer 2

I think a child above the age of 7 or 8 can probably handle it. If they are old enough to be quiet and respectful, and not speak too loud, then they are old enough to go to a funeral. They need to learn about death as something more than the violent stuff they see on TV. If they see someone they have loved lying very still, and not looking all bloody and gory, but just like when they were asleep, they may be able to cope better than if all they know of death is violence.

However, I do NOT hold with insisting a child touch or kiss a corpse. It's too much. For one thing, they are not accustomed to kissing someone who just does not respond at all. And they may be unduly startled by the cold of the corpse, and cry out. Imagine; they have heard of sleeping beauty, and they have been kissed awake by their parents since they were little. Why can't they make Grandma wake up? Doesn't Grandma love them anymore? So let them see, but quietly, and being prepared for the sight. "Grandma is going to look like she's just asleep. It's just that she will not wake up anymore, at least not here in this world."

Please remember that, however important it is, we are not just thinking of the child's feelings at this point. We also are considering whether the child's reactions will cause more hurt and grief for the adults who are having a tough enough time already. If the child is not well disciplined and well mannered, leave him or her at home. Also, it would be fair to say that the child's own wishes in this matter have weight: if they really want to come, then you can say, "OK, but you're going to have to be on your very best behavior." And if they really don't want to come, and there is someone else they can stay with, I would say don't take them.

Answer 3

Depends on the culture. As a practice, I don't normally let my children view a corpse in a coffin but I do bring them to the wake as a show of respect if its a close relative. But kids only above the age of 5. Younger ones stay home. Some cultures believe that during the funeral or burial, the younger ones (5 and below) should be lifted across the closed coffin to keep the dead from haunting the youngers ones. Its an old wives superstition I heard from a friend.

Answer 4

The old tradition of children viewing the corpse is from a different time when people were more in tune with their animal natures and the transience of life. These days, with the current cult of the child and glorification of the teen in the West, we are far removed from our mortality.

That's the basis of thought when people answer. And with that basis, my first reaction to your question was: Oh God No! I would NEVER put my kids through that. How traumatizing to have to see the empty shell lying in state, make up, hair artfully arranged, looking like he or she is sleeping. How completely creepy. I certainly wouldn't want to attend and view, how could I put my children (any age!) through that?!

BUT.... on examining the situation I realize that that reaction is specifically modern and that act of denial is denying that death is a part of life. People used to see death not as a tragic end, but instead as a gentle and blissful rest. In the America south the tradition was to actually kiss the corpse good bye and it was thought to bring luck to the lives of the kissers. And it was an obligation to kiss the corpse, acknowleging their former role, showing respect for the life lived, and saying a final respectful goodbye.

In the end I believe it comes down to the idea of duty - an antiquated notion for we modern thinkers. Duty isn't about the individual, it is specifically an embracing of the communal, the group. Taking the next generation to a funeral, particularly a veiwing, is a way of teaching them about duty, about their place in the big pile - and if you think about it, how often do they really get a shot at learning that? We surround them with things that enhance and encourage individuality and individualness, we tell them to play nice, but never why. We say stupid aphroisms like "there is no 'I' in team" but we've never modeled what that means to them (because we, ourselves, barely understand).

Good luck with this question. It'll be interesting to see what people say.

Answer 5

Depends. Modify your question and add the ages you are concerned about. Some children are more mature than others and will do fine. My daughter died at age 21 and her cousin - then age 10 - was not allowed to go. She STILL has problems because of this and she should have been allowed to go. I have seen 4 and 5 year olds at funerals. In a way, you could just say they have to learn sometime and see what happens. I wouldn't make this the first time in their life they ever heard that someone died, perhaps, but if they have any notion of the concept of death (through loss of a pet, for instance, or death of a celebrity they knew of), I would take them.

Answer 6

My father died when I was 10 years old in 1957. In those days the body was brought to the house for 'viewing' and I was encouraged to see him and touch him 'so his ghost wouldn't haunt me'. I had heard the expression of 'legs turning into water' and seeing Dad like that did it to me. Since then I have seen many dead people but I'll remember my Dad forever. I don't think it harmed me but on that day I stopped being a child and became a little man. I suppose 10 is a little young and I wouldn't recommend anyone younger seeing a corpse. Nowadays they put bodies in the funeral parlour where you can view them at your own discretion.

Answer 7

Depends upon how old they are . My 4 year old didn't know what was going on and she is 12 now and doesn't remember it (coarse I didn't Make her view the body) My boy was 5 when he went to a different one and he doesn't seem to remember it either... And he did ask who and what and stuff... He is 7 now and remembers a little bit I know this because when he asks questions of death he will say something in regards to the lady in the box....So truly is just depends on how old and how active the children are ... if the move around a lot I would say no cause you wouldn't want to be saying constantly "stop that..or stay still or something like that "

Answer 8

I have a nine year old and we don't take her to funerals or viewing. I don't want to expose my child to that. It could be devastating. Personally I think viewings are quite morbid and disturbing. I usually do not even go up to the casket to look upon the dead person. This may give some people closure, but for me it is sick. I don't want people to remember me that way and I don't want to remember others that way either. Remember the person in the casket isn't really there. It is just a dead body made up to look "as good as possible". I love it when people say "didn't she/he look good?" and I just want to say, "no, they're dead". Death can be taught to children without all the grandeur of a dead body.

Answer 9

I think funerals are morbid and disgusting and have never understood the purpose of this tradition. However, if you must go to one...death is a part of life so if your family takes part in this tradition of viewing dead corpses you may as well include the children.

Answer 10

My daughter's father died when she was 8. I took her to all the visitations at the funeral home and to the funeral. The following year her grandfather (my dad) died and she went to all those too. She's also been to a neighbour's visitation with me and the father of one of my friends. Last year she went on her own to the visitation for a fellow grade 8er who had been best friends with one of her friend's boyfriend. He had been killed in a car accident. Recently another teen she knows was killed in an accident but since she has gone to visit relatives for 2 weeks she will not be doing any visitation at the funeral home.