$$$ Gifts. . .??? ... Included in a sympathy card???...?

Question

Rather than flowers, or donations to a charity?
Would this be 'proper'? or an insult?
Seems that everyone can use cash, to help pay final expenses. . .

Answer 1

A gift card would be less blantant than cash. And one to the supermarket is pretty much a cash equivilant - everyone shops there every week.

I suppose you could contact the funeral home directly and ask to make an annonymous donation. I would take that kindly. I was struck and touched that the FH didn't charge us (their policy for the death of young children).

Don't discount the donations to charities, especially if one was selected by the family. I found those to be very meaningful to me.

While this is more of a small town thing, you can still do it in the big city: You can bring over a meal (lasagna, salad, bread) in throwaway containers with enough for leftovers. During grief, it can be a relief to have simple things like that (or mow the lawn, board the dog, etc) taken care of.

Also, strongly consider something like bringing a meal over, having them out to dinner or sending a card that you are thinking of them a few months from now. Everyone is really kind and thoughtful for a week or two and then, reasonably enough, they move on and figure the relatives have too. But months later, they are still impaired and (at a lower level) griefing. But no one acknowledges that anymore and they can be hesitate to ask for help.

Don't worry about "reminding" them of their loss. They already know! Every day, every hour. It is more comfortable to have it acknowledged than to leave it unsaid. It can be as simple as "You're still in my thoughts (or "prayers" if you KNOW they're religious) and wondered if you wanted to talk or go out together". Or "I was thinking of Bob the other day and how he always used to . . ."

Answer 2

Depends on the situation. If a group is sending a card (most people take up money for a co-worker for example) then it is appropriate.

If the funeral announcement specificially states "in lieu of flowers" and asks for money to be made to a particular charity, than the family is not really in dire straits and would rather money be sent to that organization.

Personally, I think a nice note placed in the sympathy card with an extended invitation to get together when it is a good time for that person would be best. After the service and everyone is gone, that is when people need the company.

Answer 3

Yes, I agree at times of loss, or what have you, cash would be appreciated., however I think it would be taken badly in most cases.