Should I end it with him?

Question

Well... this isn't about my husband, it's my boyfriend... but we're common law so...

We're seperated right now due to his excessive partying. I told him I'd come back when he got his priorities straight and he seemed to be doing better and we were just working things out and he's been partying again. I don't mean a drink with friends here or there, I'm talking about getting loaded and staying out all night without so much as a phonecall.

I tried to talk to him about this yesterday but he refused to come see me and talk because he knew he was in trouble. So he just avoided me completly and instead invited me to a party with him.... I told him I wasn't up to partying but I really needed to talk to him and he'd know where to find me. He never came by.

I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child, and I have no idea how I'm going to do this alone, but at the same time I don't know if I want my child around someone so irresponsible.

what do you think?

Thanks.

Things weren't like this before I was pregnant, things were good then.

A steady income won't be hard to come by, so I'm not too concerned about that. I am worried about the first little while when I cannot work though... and I ofcourse have first-time-parent fears.

I want to be the best mother I possibly can, and I can't do that with someone like him holding me back and stressing me out.

You're right, I need to focus on my child and forget about him. It's his loss right?

Answer 1

If he is not willing to meet you even half-way, then i would be thinking about other options for yourself and child. It seems he is a bit selfish and irresponsible.

Answer 2

I am sorry that you didn't really look at the guy you was with before you got pregnant. You chose to live with an irresponsible person, and you chose to allow this boy to have unprotected, premarital sex with you. You are just as responsible in this problem as he is.
The real victim here is not you or him, it is your unborn child.
I am not sure of the local laws in your state, but the next thing that you need to do is get in touch with the state child welfare system and let them know what is going on. You also need to figure out how to get away from this guy and see if it is possible to keep him away from the child when born.
I am not casting judgement on either of you, and you have come to realize the mistakes that have been made. Pleasedo everything that you can to protect the baby. The guy will not suddenly wake up and realize that he has responsibilities that he has to face up to. He will leave your life and the babies life in total chaos at some point due to alcohol abuse, or worse.
Please check with your parents, if they are decent normal people, and see if they will allow you to stay with them. If not another family member that is again a decent and normal person. The key here is for you to find a place where you can raise your child as a single parent if need be, ad have a healthy enviroment where the child will learn right from wrong and not be subjected to drugs, alcohol, and violence. These things are extremely disruptive to the proper raising of a child, and worse i the beginning five years.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is fearful of being a father, so he is partying to escape reality. People handle becoming a new parent differently. His is not the right way, but his fear has moved him to the wrong direction. He needs to realize that he is going to be a dad and that he will have to be responsible very very soon. He is running away rather than sharing his feelings. I hope he will wake up soon so that he will be there for you and the child. If not, you may be a single parent after all. His drinking would really concern me as well when a child is involved. I wouldn't want my child around that either. I know, both my parents were alcoholics. It wasn't fun at all. Children end up taking blame for things they have no control over. So............... you have a lot to think about.

Answer 4

Appearantly, He needs to hit the wall on his own. I know because of similar things I have had to face. Tell him that he will have to deal with this sooner or later and he will regret the later option. The child you are growing inside of you deserves the best that you both have to offer and it doesn't sound like he is offering his best. If you love him, which you wouldn't be asking this question if you didn't, give him space to see what it is like without you and if it doesn't hit him then.... you should move on. I know what it is like trying to deal with all the emotions of being pregnant and somewhat alone with it for i am guilty of putting my Wife through the same pain and out of loving her I can feel, at least imagine , what it is like and what that can do to a person. He is confused and not ready to commit. Just tell him that he will definitly regret not being there for the birth of his child. That is a pain that will never go away. Trust me

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 5

Time for you to cut your losses. What you are about to embark on is going to be very hard for you. You need to move to a part of the U.S. where you can find a reliable job. I do not know your back ground at all, but it sounds like maybe you probably just have a high school education. What I would suggest is to pack your bags and someway, somehow, move to Orlando, Florida where jobs are a plenty. You will not become rich, but you can find a way to at least have a steady income. Jobs are plentiful in Orlando because of tourism. If you sit down and map out a plan you can do this. Hard, yes but in the long run it will be worth it. You do not need this loser man in your life anymore. Lets face the facts. He is not going to change and you are not going to change him. Take your life in your own hands and do not depend on another person to get you through lifes hard times. You do not need to sit down and feel sorry for yourself, because that is not going to do you a bit of good. You can make life better for yourself instead of having to live in drama everyday. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

First your boyfriend is still a little boy, himself. He's selfish, immature, & needs to learn what respect is. Until he realizes he needs to grow up & accept the responsibilty that faces him, there's not much you can do.

I don't blame you for not wanting to raise your child around this man. This is now a little life you are responsibile for. So you have some serious decisons to make. There are women's groups and other agencies that will help you. Look for them in your area.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Jesus, you really need to get things straight with im and explain to him that he is a father and needs to get some responsibility issues fixed. it won't work out if you don't communicate. i saw an episode like this on seventh Heaven

Answer 8

honestly i think your right, i think that you baby deserves the world, i know that i love the man that i'm having a baby with but if he shows me at any time that he is not ready to be a father, that it is easier to find someone that wants to love me and our baby out there, and that i would go out and find them. i love him to pieces but my baby comes first, even if it is harder to do all on my own. i would do anything to know that it has everything it needs, even if its a father figure that it can look up to.

Answer 9

Didn't you think of these things before you decided to get pregnant?

Answer 10

Leave him.