how do I ease the pain?

Question

how do I ease the pain of a seperation from my wife. How do I live with it. I love her so much and I screwed up. I did not cheat on her just some other issues. I do I get rid of the uncertaintity of if we will ever get back together. I feel lost and depesperate. I ahve had thoughts of ending it all but did not react on them. What do I do

Answer 1

We all make mistakes. And whoever tells you they never have are lieing. I don't know what you did, but it must have been something pretty bad for yall to separate. The first thing you have to do, which I think you have done already, is to own your mistake. You have to take responsibly for it. Second you have to try not to relive it and forgive yourself. (That's hard to do, I know) Once you forgive yourself, your on the road to recovery, so to speak. Third you must get forgiveness from your wife. This may be the hard part. I don't know her. You will have to make sure she knows how truly sorry you are for what you did. You will also have to give her time to digest it and forgive you. That ball is in her court. She will either forgive you or she won't. You have to accept that. It's hard, really really hard. Without getting into my life story, I know how you are feeling. I too have thought of ending it all, many many times. But, I know I cannot do that without destroying other people's lives that I love. Learning to love yourself again after this is the hardest part. Owning you made a mistake in the first place is a start. The rest will come, slowly, but it will come. I wish you the best and hope that your wife will see that you are remorseful and will take you back. Bless you....

Answer 2

Work a lot. Buy a new bicycle. Buy a house. Move into it. Go to a few concerts and maybe a minor league baseball game. Read a few books you have been wanting to read. Take a class on horticulture and plant some flowers. Don't spend too much time in everybody else's living room. Make a place of your own to take care of. Keep it really clean. Get a cat. Go on a vacation to Vegas. Buy some houseplants an hang them around. read the paper every day. Subscribe to a paper that you would never otherwise take, like the WSJournal or the NYTimes, and read them from front to back.
Wehn you finally get to where you like cooking in your own house you might be ready to get out and look for a girlfriend. Your wife will be living her own life long before then.

Answer 3

Do not react to those feelings for a start - how can you make it up to her if you end your life?!
Secondly - I think you need a bit of counselling to build your self-esteem, do you know for sure in your own mind that it was your doing that sent her running?
If it wasn't infidelity of physical abuse I'm pretty sure with a little work you'll win her back - as long as she is still in love with you!
Sit her down and ask her straight up if there is any hope - if so you'll get through it - be patient.
If not - there are a lot of people out there in the same position - you will move on in your own way on your own time - again be patient, good luck sweety - there is always something good waiting for you around the corner!!!!
Been there done that - I won!

Answer 4

Ouch… You have a long road ahead of you my brother. But, luckily time really does heal all wounds. The most important thing is NOT to just get drunk, and sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Make some positive changes in your life, if you are a heavy drinker or a heavy smoker, now is the time to quit. The emotionally pain will mask some of the withdraw symptoms, and make it a little easier to do. Try and avoid doing all the same old things that most likely got you where you are right now. Most importantly remember you are making these changes for yourself, and no one else. Someone much wiser then myself once said, If you continue to do what your doing… You will continue to get what you already have…

Answer 5

Get into counseling therapy and work through it.
You can go into a self protective shell and never allow another person inside you again, but thats probably not for the best, so find you some friends and a shrink to help speed up the healing process, and try what I do, keep praying that this person does love you and will eventually figure out how to sort their own life and work things out with you.

Answer 6

First of all.....no one is worth you killing yourself over. That will get you nowhere....and life will go on for everyone else. OK...you screwed up. You realize it, and right now, there's not much you can do to change it. Give it time. It's very possible that your wife will realize that she really loves you and only wants to be with you, but you have to let her go for now. Right now, she's mad, for whatever reason. Try calling her and talking to her. Let her know how you feel and suggest marriage counselling. See if she'll go for it. If not, I'd suggest that you, yourself, seek professional help. They will help you deal with your present situation. They will help you to get through the bad times. There's nothing wrong with talking to a psychologist/psychiatrist when we feel there is nothing more to live for. Call today! And hopefully, your wife will come around.....if not sooner, than later!! Good luck...but seriously, call for help. You are in a major state of depression right now, and a professional can and will help you!

Answer 7

Well, first of all you have to realize it will get easier...

ofcourse it's going to be hard right now, but you'll survive.

Right now, you should be taking care of yourself. Focus on you, and still keep in contact with your wife. Maybe if you slowly prove to her over time that you've changed there can be a reconciliation.

Don't try to rush anything... and just remember that everything happens for the best and for a reason. Keep positive and take care of yourself ok?

Answer 8

You need to call the suicide hotline in your area immediately! so that they can get you to see someone.
They will understand your pain and get you the help you need.

This is a tough road you're on. But with counselling you can get through it. And in the process, unless too much damage has been done, you might be able to heal the relationship. So, all hope is not lost!

Answer 9

sounds like you still love her and you want to fix this marriage. First you need to find out if she is willing to fix the marriage as well, because if she doesn't want to fix the marriage then you will have to move on. Don't come straight out and ask her just yet. Try sending her flowers, with a card saying something like this: I need to ask for your forgiveness, i have screwed up by (and you say what you have done wrong, not listening enough, not taking her side, what ever it is)but my biggest regret is hurting you, i would like for you to be in my life, if for nothing more then a friend,please find it in your heart to forgive me....i would love to talk to you, please contact me. And wait for her to contact you.
See where things go from there.

Answer 10

If you feel you screwed up, have you fixed the problem? Fix the problems, get your life in order, then ask her to give you another chance.

So many people ask for the second chance before fixing the problem, and as a result they never do. Those people end up in failed marriages.