Need some Help people.?

Question

Had a talk with my gf, found out she was emailing and chatting this guy at her work, she never told me, I found out myself one day just catching her on the computer and she told me, I said I want it stopped, she gave me so much problems, then eventually said ok i'll tell him to stop emailing and AIM'ng. But she said it in my face she likes to flirt, and she has been doing it, and will not stop, and this was 3 days before our anniversary which went good.But she says now she feels I dont trust her, and I'mlike I do, but in a way I have trust issues with her right now. She says im the only one, she love me, the flirting is only joking, i asked is it sexual in any way, she finally said only jokingly, and that hurt.

She wouldnt never have told me if I didnt found out myself and that scares me to what else is she doing. I said I like me to be on your thoughts only, not other guys. She said I am, but I feel like they are mostly. I feel like when we get romantic, she thinks of them not me.

Is flirting right when your involved with someone, the hint she gave before was that this guy asked her to take her to lunch, but she asked me on the phone, which of course i said not a good idea, but then this escalated to rmail and IM's, which I had a hart time having her to stop that, not sure what goes on at her work now.

true a liar is a liar, but the line of, oh i love you, ur the one for me, marriage, and kids, etc..is that a lie alos you think?

I guess she likes to get attention like any other girl, I hope she feels bad about it and realizes what she has. I dont want to leave her, yet she has many times tried when we had fights, and i would calm down, give in and fix everything. She tends to tell everyone everything about her, and even these guys from her work, and have told her many times, these are personal things between us, is it ok that she tells em our life story, and any sexual activities, I mean that just maker her look trashy to them,and thats what they want to see in a girl. Am I not correct? But you are right, she comes home to me, etc..but still just the thought of other guys. i dont flirt, I have no need toand I have told her. She sais because I have no friends and I dont talk to anyone, i took that as anyone as being girls, and yes she is damn right I dont talk or flirt with girls. She used to call me alot from work, and that also has decreased extremely.

But when she does call me , she assures how much she loves me, and always has a hppy attitude and that makes me even more upset knowing she is flirting and all that energy is coming from them, and when she does tell the mthings, it's always to make me look bad for some reason so they feel sorry for her, and I have told her this flirting will just make you look bad, and they will see you as someone with no class. This is starting after 5 years, any opinions?

I have a feeling she is still getiing message from this guy, and she is sending. I beleive she can stop it all but sheis not, she mentioned she should have kept it all from me knowing how I get, whats is ur opinion people?

Answer 1

I just saw something on a tv show about this today...weird...

Anyway a physiologist said that it is actually just as bad to lust, flirt, or whatever as it is to actually cheat physically.
The reason being......that when you flirt, chat to the opposite sex about your love life at home, your emotions, your problems, etc then what you are developing with this person is an emotional attachment and that most always turns into more.
If she is flirting and stuff with other males to the point it makes YOU uncomfortable as her significant other then she should stop if you ask her to.
If she doesn't then I would say that your relationship is doomed and you should go your separate ways.

Answer 2

I have had this same problem before, and your questions of "what if" will only become worse as time goes on. The simple truth is that she was not honest, and you are right. She would have never told you if you did not find out. You have to ask yourself when are you going to draw the line? Unhonesty is Unhonesty. It does not matter WHAT the issues is. A liar is a liar.

Answer 3

I think u should leave her. if she loves u she would respect your wishes and what shes doing is not appropiate. if she cant stop u need to stop seeing her. Honestly i think she may have been out with this guy b 4, even though that one time she asked u does'nt mean she never did. what is a relationship w/o trust u need to feel good a/b ur self and ur relationship. I think u need some 1 that can respect u and never have u doubt ur relationship. I know b/c i been with my boyfriend 4 eight years and im only 22. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I don't know you guys, how long you have been together and what sort of people you are. But even if I did know, it's hard to tell you what to do. I'll just tell you my own experience. I have a boyfriend, I love him to bits, and I don't ever want to be with any one else. I am in this for life.
But sometimes, the thought of "for the rest of my life" freaks me out. I like to think that I still have my options open, that I am still beautiful and sexy and attractive to someone out there, even if I have a boyfriend. I know he loves me but he takes me for granted sometimes, and the thrill of being young and lovable just goes down the drain. That is what drives me to flirt. The easiest place to do this is with workmates or on the net, with someone I have almost zero chances of ever meeting. I am guilty of doing this, and I'm not proud of it.
But one time, my boyfriend expressed discomfort about the amount of time I was spending with another guy friend of mine. Ofcourse I said we were just friends, but we do flirt a lot, and although at first I stubbornly kept hanging with my 'friend', I eventually felt guilty. I realised those few moments of feeling attractive weren't worth disrespecting my man over, or possibly losing my relationship. So I phased my friend out.
Your girl will always be attractive to someone else, and will sometimes be tempted to flirt. It is painful when you find out, but be rational about it. Stop thinking crazy and tormenting yourself, that is a shortcut to paranoia. If she really loves you she will respect your feelings and make some changes. Give her a couple of weeks and see how it pans out. Don't act up about it.

Answer 5

If she really loved you she would have been honest and told you about the emails and chatting with this other guy, and she would not be flirting with other guys. If she isn't going to stop flirting you have 2 chioces either live with it or move on break up with her.

Answer 6

you should read my question and its answers (when is proof proof enough) -If you know all this and you know she won't change, cause she won't. it is more than an attitude, it is in the blood, you should split. Here it sounds like she is hurting you all the time, and if she is not, you are hurting yourself by thinking it over and over. I know how you feel, and I didn't have the courage myself either. Be strong (and a little selfish)

Answer 7

Hi, NO LOSE her if she thinks that way..and does it behind your back... trust me if you love someone..i mean REALLY love someone..you won't EVEN think like that...cause your head and heart, body and soul are full of the one you love...you know what i mean...goodluck...