My 3 yrs old girl is a terror. She has a very stubborn character & she refuses me or any other people to talk

Question

She knows what is right & wrong but she will always does the opposite way. How to teach her...? Don't ask me to put her in child-care centre as her grandma disapproved it. I have already put her in the play-group.

Answer 1

This is the age where she understands that their parents have limits to their authority, and they are testing the boundaries of those limits.
So sit her down for a talk, and explain to her that actions always have consequences. And don't be afraid to lay some smack-down or disciplinary action once in a while.
Most importantly, be consistent in how you deal with her. You'd be suprised at how well they remember.

I highly recommend the british reality series "SuperNanny". It showcases Joe Frost and her technique for disciplining children of all kinds.

Answer 2

I agree with "wolf music"'s response. Time out is best and you determine the amount of time based on 1 minute per age (3 minutes for a three year old). As soon as the tantrum starts, give her the choice: she can stop or can go to time out. Be consistent and do what you say you'll do. Kids are smart and know an empty threat. Don't discuss the matter, just send them in for the 3 minutes. When she's calmed down (after the three minutes), hold her and let her know you love her, but that her behavior is inappropriate. Explain in simple phrases, make sure she knows you love her even when she's having a tantrum.

Kids need and crave boundaries. They react initially because it's the first time in their life that they can try and have some control.

Dr. Sears is a great pediatrician who writes books with his wife on parenting. Check out his website: it's really informative.
http://www.askdrsears.com/

I don't think a child care center will make things better, it might make her feel frightened as she'll think you don't want her which could lead to self-esteem issues and lack of confidence.

Don't worry, this is just a phase-they don't call it the "terrible twos and threes" for nothing. As long as you learn to set boundaries now, she'll be fine as she gets older. Good luck and happy parenting!

Answer 3

This is pretty typical behavior of a three year old. However, that does not mean you let her do it. She is old enough to learn consequences for her behavior. It is not necessary to hit her (aka spanking). My son is 14 and has never been hit. He is well discipline and we-respected by adults and peers. At three years of age, an appropriate consequence would be time out. You can send her to her room or to sit on a chair or anywhere away from you and the rest of the family. The general guideline is one minute for each year of the child's age. That would mean your daughter needs to sit quietly in a chair or in her room for three minutes AFTER she has camed down or stopped crying. The three minutes do not start if she is throwing a temper tantrum. You do not sit and cuddle her or give her long explanations. It would be best to tell her of this new rule at a time she is not misbehaving so that she will hear all you have to say.

As for her grandmother, you need to develop some backbone NOW or her grandmother will be running the show from all angles. She is the grandmother, not the parent. She should only give suggestions if you ask, not demands. Unless you have given her custody recently she should have no decision making part in rainsing your daughter.

Answer 4

Don't ask you to put her in a child-care centre as her grandma disapproved it? Whose child is this? What does her grandma have to do with where the child is placed? It sounds as though your daughter desperately needs help, and as a parent, it is your job to get it for her, regardless of what her grandmother thinks. Three-year olds can be difficult, as it is between the ages of two and four that they learn to assert themselves, and to see themselves as individual identities, rather than mummy's appendage. But there are lines to be drawn, and differentiation between a child who is a 'terror' and one who is investigating her boundaries.
Talk with your pediatrician, and get some professional advice on how to best help your daughter. And if grandma doesn't like it, that's too bad. She had her turn. Now it's your turn. And your daughter has to come first.

PS: She'll likely relent in any case, if you end up with a well-behaved and happy child, rather than a stubborn minded terror!

Answer 5

I bet she has no sibling.

Well, I would suggest you find her some kids to play with. She may want some peer group to share her feelings. Instead of bring her to child-care, bring the child care to her, meaning if you have some friends who have kids, let your grandma take care of both.

She will probably open up later by the time she gets to school. You should not rush into things. by 5, you will see a big change when she goes to school!

Answer 6

Preschool is best or daycare for a 3 year old. Three year olds are adventorous and somtimes rebellious. She is just going through a stage. Let her stay at grandma's on the weekend so at least she can know her. Do some activities with her that make her focus too.

Answer 7

First, you are her mom (or dad) not grandma. Grandma is good for advice, but she is not Mom (or Dad).

Is this just a phase she's in? It sounded very similar to a lot of three year olds.

Do not give in to her. If she's being stubborn, you must be more stubborn back. Ignore her until she decides to act nicely. If she wants a toy, don't give it to her. Teach her she needs to act politely and until she does, she won't get another thing.

Answer 8

Sounds as if your daughter's rear end needs to get much better acquainted with the flat of Mum's hand. It's Grandma's job to spoil her, but she's your child, not Grandma's. She'll be happier and healthier later if you start teaching her the value of discipline now.

Answer 9

omg!!!!!!!!! my little sister is the EXACT SAME WAY!!!!!!!! the main thing we are trying w/ her is action:consequence. when she is polite, and asks nicely we give her what she nicely asked for, or if it cannot be done, we politely say "Aimee, im sorry, but i cannot do that for you right now" or some othr polite form of "no". when she acts up, or hits or yells, we put her in the time out couch in the othr room w/o a tv o radio, or anything to distract here. u must do this calmly though, if u yell, she will just yell more. and yes she will cry, and yell, and throw a temper tantrum, but she knows now, if she gets up, we just pick her up and set her right back in the chair. when she stops yelling and apologizes for her bad behavior, she knows she can come out, but not until then and when she says "im sorry" we say "for what" she has to know what she is sorry for in order for her to get better. and don't let up, every time she acts inappropriate, time out, every time she is good, make sure u play w/ her, or give her a small snack or say, "that's nice, i like that" or "good job" or some positive reinforcement. i grantee it will work if everyone in your family keeps this behavior up. and try not to do anything around her, that you wouldn't want her to do (i.e. curse, hit, yell etc.) , because if mommy (or daddy or brother or sister) does something, in her mind, it must be okay.

Answer 10

Your child is craving discipline. There is nothing sinful about a good old fashioned spank on the rear end to mould your childs character in a healthy manner.